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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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lickmyjock

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lickmyjock
  • Town/Country : Arkansas, United States
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Sunday 7 July 1985 (26 years)
  • Number of visits : 5067
  • Number of comments : 761
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 8 posted

About lickmyjock : Do you like candy as much as I do?

lickmyjock's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

lickmyjock's favorite FMLs

Today, after I got off work, as I walked into the house, I noticed something running across the floor towards me and out of complete terror I kicked it halfway across my living room, not knowing what it was. Turns out it was my roommate's new puppy. FML

#13167367 (339)

I agree, your life sucks (8518) - you deserved it (30524)

On 09/23/2010 at 7:01am - misc - by nackpattywhackgiveadogabone (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I discovered that if I put my ankles on my boyfriends shoulders while we are having sex, I will pee myself. FML

#13152326 (261)

I agree, your life sucks (22783) - you deserved it (9256)

On 09/22/2010 at 1:37am - intimacy - by noname - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I ran over my neighbors' cat. I didn't want it to look like I killed it, so I put it under my other neighbor's car so it would look like they ran over it. The cat's owners were watching me. FML

#13137769 (299)

I agree, your life sucks (5274) - you deserved it (50039)

On 09/21/2010 at 12:49am - animals - by awesome - United States (Arizona)

Today, my boyfriend questioned why I always put my shirts in the dryer right before wearing them. I told him it was because the dryer causes my shirts to regain their form and tightness. His response: "You should throw your vagina in there along with them." FML

#12822018 (264)

I agree, your life sucks (31074) - you deserved it (10652)

On 08/30/2010 at 1:51pm - intimacy - by FYouBoyfriend (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my new girlfriend, with whom I have not had sex, showed me her collection of sex toys. She picked up one approximately the size of my forearm and said "This one is my favorite" now I'm scared for her to see me naked. FML

#12768681 (219)

I agree, your life sucks (31731) - you deserved it (3080)

On 08/27/2010 at 5:15am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I was driving home with my dad after buying a new truck. We were on the freeway and the engine wasn't revving up very much. My dad thought that something was wrong with my transmission, so he reached over to change gears. Most cars won't go into reverse at high speeds. Mine does. FML

#12706799 (65)

I agree, your life sucks (18344) - you deserved it (1705)

On 08/23/2010 at 7:28pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend decided it would be funny to record us having sex and me screaming his name. He set it as my ringtone without telling me. I had my phone volume on high as I was hanging out with my family. FML

#12612003 (145)

I agree, your life sucks (25776) - you deserved it (7409)

On 08/18/2010 at 8:51pm - intimacy - by XxMe123xx - Sent from mobile version

Today, I spent 2 hours doing my hair, doing my make-up, and picking out an outfit to meet some men. On chatroulette. FML

#9056198 (171)

I agree, your life sucks (5339) - you deserved it (20354)

On 03/13/2010 at 8:17pm - misc - by leapple (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I found out exactly what Ducolax stool softener is all about. Holy colon cleanse Batman! FML

#8797519 (139)

I agree, your life sucks (3573) - you deserved it (13335)

On 03/03/2010 at 11:34am - health - by Username - Sent from mobile version

Today, my boyfriend decided to name his penis "Jesus". For the last two hours he's been continuously asking if I "want to be touched by Jesus" or will I "let Jesus in to spread his warmth." FML

#8119072 (323)

I agree, your life sucks (12080) - you deserved it (3160)

On 02/11/2010 at 1:18am - intimacy - by syl - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was letting my boyfriend of 4 years tie me up and do stuff to me. After finishing on my face, he then left. My parents had to untie me. FML

#7609277 (333)

I agree, your life sucks (30291) - you deserved it (8125)

On 01/27/2010 at 8:35am - intimacy - by chanclepants - Sent from mobile version

Today, after a long day of cleaning, I decided to make a grilled cheese sandwich for lunch. Reaching for what I thought was Pam I coated my bread with spray and put my sandwich in the pan. Pledge makes a great looking sandwich, but the lemony flavor tastes like crap. FML

#6364949 (96)

I agree, your life sucks (4841) - you deserved it (16849)

On 11/19/2009 at 2:08am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, at 2 in the morning, a noisy work crew started up in the parking lot next to my apartment. What were they doing at that ungodly hour? Installing a light that now shines right into my window. FML

#6313521 (51)

I agree, your life sucks (20678) - you deserved it (1059)

On 11/15/2009 at 2:45pm - misc - by theropod (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, while my girlfriend was going down on me, she looked up at me and said, in a high-pitched voice, "Yummy yummy yummy yummy yummy!" FML

#6312781 (148)

I agree, your life sucks (7354) - you deserved it (12597)

On 11/15/2009 at 1:28pm - intimacy - by loldick (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, in a big meeting, my secretary calls me saying that I have an important call waiting. I put the call through. It was my beautician, confirming my appointment to get rid of an ingrown hair. I hurriedly confirm and hang up to see everyone in the room giggling. The speaker phone was on. FML

#6300259 (34)

I agree, your life sucks (15374) - you deserved it (4709)

On 11/14/2009 at 12:31pm - misc - by SpeakerPhone (woman) - France (Alsace)