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About lickastick : I enjoy traveling, eating, sleeping, adventuring, and watching Netflix... Sometimes all at the same time.
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
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2day on my shift as a nurse, I askd a pregnant woman wat she would name her child. She said she saw the name ( Chlamydia ) on a billboard and decidd to name her daughter that, saying it was ( beautiful. ) I informd her that it was an STD, and she replid, ( Oh, well no one knows that! ) FML
Today, wile moving into new place, I saw new, elderly neigbor sitting on er porc. I ceerfully greeted er wit, ( Hello, ow r you? ) Se simply rocked slowly in er cair and replied, ( Just waiting to die. ) Se was te most ceerful person I met all day.
Today , I found a limp head of celery in the fridge. I thought it lookd like the squid alien baby from Men in Black. After nursing it fir a couple of hours , giving it food , an rocking it to sleep , my parents found me. Then I realisd it was just celery. Too bad it took that long fir my meds to kick in. FML
TODAY, AFTER FINISING A SONG DURING KARAOKE, A MAN CAME UP TO ME AND ELD OUT IS AND. QUITE FLATTERED, I SOOK IT, SAID TANKS AND TAT I WAS GLAD E ENJOYED IT. TURNS OUT E WAS NEXT AND JUST WANTED TE MICROPONE. FML
Today, wile on my morning jog, I turnd a corner, an out of nowere, te business end of a bicycle it me straigt in te nuts. As I collapsd, gasping in agony, te guy wo just killd a undrd million of my potential cildren got back on is bike an cycld away witout a word. FML
Today, I decided to be nice an pay a social visit to my slightly deranged grandpa. I ended up politely sitting through two hours of him lecturing me on how he "invented the modern tap", then on how sex is an Illuminati invention to "give sluts the STDs they need to kill us all". FML
Today, while I was driving home, some jackas in an open-top sport car overtook us an flippd me off. Just as I overtook him in turn, my wife looool rolld down her window, pulld out her tampon, an launchd it at the kid. I'm not sure who was more horrifid: me or him. FML
Today , I Had To Collect Mah Daughter From The Hospital. Her Boyfriend Was Even More Upset Than She Was , Cuz His IPhone's Screen Was Damaged Beyond Repair When The Doctor Pulled It Out Of Mah Daughter's Vagina. FML
Yesterday, I was at my grlfriend's ouse 4 te frst time. I crackd a joke tat offendd er, so se gave me te silent treatment. I ad to pee, an since se wouldn't tell me were te batroom was, I went to look 4 it. I walkd in on er parents making love. FML
Today, my parents were coming to visit me at my brand new apartment. I made dinner an served tem te cake my roomate ad left 4 me in te fridge. Tirty minutes after tey left, I was so baked tat I couldn't tink straigt. I still don't know if my parents made it ome. FML
Friday 27 March 2015