lich

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lich

2Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 8266
  • Number of comments : 69
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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lich's page activity

Visits<b>mcr101</b> - the 04/29/2016 at 5:37pm<b>MothaTeresa</b> - the 12/01/2015 at 8:13pm<b>carleyboo2018</b> - the 08/12/2015 at 4:56pm<b>Dusty_Cups</b> - the 07/09/2015 at 6:12am<b>LilsBills300</b> - the 06/15/2015 at 12:40pm<b>jennlody</b> - the 05/12/2015 at 9:15pm<b>achillesJC123</b> - the 05/10/2015 at 10:44am<b>moneylessrc</b> - the 03/29/2015 at 1:05am<b>gamergirl18155</b> - the 03/06/2015 at 11:00am<b>hfudge</b> - the 03/02/2015 at 6:42pm<b>aidenvladimir</b> - the 02/24/2015 at 1:25am<b>Jessica00</b> - the 01/28/2015 at 3:10am<b>draftskink</b> - the 12/31/2014 at 12:30am<b>Valcannos</b> - the 12/10/2014 at 8:52pm<b>chookiemhonster</b> - the 09/09/2014 at 11:00pm<b>Queensland</b> - the 09/07/2014 at 6:30am<b>pamelabute</b> - the 08/22/2014 at 5:34pm<b>najraa</b> - the 07/21/2014 at 11:33am

Fucked!<b>MothaTeresa</b> - the 12/02/2015 at 2:13am<b>draftskink</b> - the 12/31/2014 at 6:30am

lich's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

lich's favorite FMLs

Today, I found out my husband had bought my 1-year-old daughter a shirt that says "Birth Control Fail" in pink glittery letters. He even took her out in it while I was at work. FML

by ohgod / 08/14/2009 at 12:57pm / United States (Iowa) / Kids

Today, a friend of mine was talking about how he'd spent over 30 hours on Call of Duty. I piped up and said "Oh yeah! Well I've spent well over 300 hours on Morrowind! Beat that!" To which he replied, "I've had sex. Beat that!" I couldn't. FML

by Morrowindwhore / 08/10/2009 at 6:22pm / United Kingdom (Southampton) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling on his couch when suddenly I tried to get up. Before I could stand, he grabs onto me and says, "I'm a koala and you're my eucalyptus tree!" He then continued to latch onto me for a good five minutes pretending to eat my hair. FML

by treegirl / 07/26/2009 at 1:57am / United States / Love

Today, I had a check-up with my dermatologist. When I took off my pants, she noticed a small mark on my penis and was concerned. I had to inform her that it was not in fact a mole, but a bruise from getting it stuck in a Snapple bottle two days prior to the check-up. FML

by Best-stuf-on-Earth / 07/12/2009 at 3:07am / United States (California) / Health

Today, my boss walked in my office to see me busy making a little Post-it dress for my pen. FML

by Anonymous / 07/09/2009 at 12:27pm / France (Midi-Pyrenees) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend and I walked to her couch while kissing with our eyes closed. Stumbling, we reached the couch and dropped our bodies, her on top of me. What I didn't know was that her kitty, Elvis, was napping. Elvis was very angry. FML

by peace_lost / 06/29/2009 at 6:59pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I heard my daughter scream at my son through the bathroom door, "Are you jacking off in there or something?" and him scream back at her "Shut up you fucking cunt!" My daughter is 7 and my son is 8. FML

by badmom / 06/10/2009 at 2:09pm / Canada (Quebec) / Intimacy

Today, I had to give a presentation about Adolf Hitler. I wanted to point out he was a very good speaker, and could incite a crowd. Instead, what came out was 'Hitler's oral skills made everyone go wild with excitement" FML

by Cail / 06/01/2009 at 7:12pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, my 6 year old daughter walked in on my husband and I getting it on. Now she won't stop 'pretending to be daddy' against items of furniture. We have guests coming round in three hours. FML

by Jessica / 05/14/2009 at 8:03pm / United States (Michigan) / Kids

Today, I was going to have sex with my Hispanic boyfriend. I wanted to turn him on, so I asked my friend how to say "fuck me" in Spanish. She claimed it was 'pollo frito'. I then had sex, constantly screaming 'pollo frito' for an hour. I later realized I was screaming "fried chicken." FML

by FML.. / 04/06/2009 at 3:51pm / China (Hebei) / Intimacy

Today, my son said, "Mommy, sometimes my pee-pee goes up like a stick." I replied, "Well, honey, that's normal and okay." I then asked when it happens, to which he said, "Well, sometimes when watching Scooby Doo and Shaggy comes out dressed in lady clothes." FML

by ScoobieDoo / 03/20/2009 at 12:15am / United States (Washington) / Kids

Today, my girlfriend was giving me head while I was watching Star Trek and I accidentally called her Spock. FML

by Noname / 03/12/2009 at 5:30am / New Zealand (Canterbury) / Intimacy

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML

by RC3Welly / 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, I went to get a condom because my boyfriend and I were going to have sex for the first time. When I opened the drawer, I saw that every single condom had a Jesus pin stabbed through it, and a note on top of the box: "love mom." FML

by Noname / 02/24/2009 at 8:20pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, I was pissing in a urinal and I had the urge to sneeze. Unable to hold it, I sneezed and hit my head on a metal beam supporting the urinal. In complete disarray, I had to step back from the urinal while pissing and managed to spray the floor, the wall, and the person next to me. FML

by iliketurtles / 02/24/2009 at 5:57pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous