About lexiieeex3 : My life is a fantastic joke. Enjoy as I rant about it.
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Hard at Work
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lexiieeex3's favorite FMLs
Today, I woke up to the sound of my newborn screaming. I frantically hopped out of bed and stumbled into the nursery where I was met by the priceless sight of my five-year-old daughter attempting to breastfeed her understandably frustrated little brother. FML
by SkeetinKeaton / 05/06/2013 at 2:29am / United States / Kids
Today, after paying for my groceries, I noticed that a bread-roll hadn't been charged. I felt guilty and went back to the register to pay for it. The cashier burst into derisive laughter and mockingly asked me if I was "running for Pope or something". FML
by moosy0_o / 04/07/2013 at 3:22pm / Netherlands (Noord-Brabant) / Money
Today, my fiancée and I showed my mother-in-law a picture of the location at which we'll be holding our wedding reception. It's a beautiful waterfront building overlooking the ocean. She looked me dead in the eyes and said, "Looks like a good place to commit suicide." FML
by Anonymous / 03/14/2013 at 10:40am / Latvia / Miscellaneous
by Nickki / 10/14/2012 at 10:57am / United States / Kids
Today, my boyfriend came over to see me after almost a month of us not spending time together. Unfortunately, he came straight from bar-hopping with his friends and was wasted. He's currently naked in bed, cooing at his penis, and giggling like a little girl. FML
by kvdfan / 08/27/2012 at 8:57am / United States / Love
by XYZee / 08/22/2012 at 4:27pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
by jenA / 08/21/2012 at 9:04am / United States (Kentucky) / Animals
by Anonymous / 08/21/2012 at 2:31am / United Kingdom (Worcestershire) / Health
Today, after his second week of babysitting, my boyfriend has begun the disturbing habit of saying, "Ready or not, here I come!" every time he's about to orgasm. He doesn't see why this doesn't appeal to me. FML
by majorlyturnedoff / 08/20/2012 at 11:02pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, I found out that my six year old cousin has a raging crush on my boyfriend. She lives across the street and watches from her window for his car to appear in front of my house. She's indicated that she'll stop at nothing until he's hers. FML
by yoggabe / 08/18/2012 at 4:34pm / Mexico (Tabasco) / Kids
by Just_Me_88 / 08/18/2012 at 1:09am / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was enjoying a romantic cuddle on the couch with my boyfriend, when he suddenly decided to lift up my shirt, stick his face into my boobs, and go all Darth Vader on me. This included heavy breathing and phrases such as, "Amber... I am your boyfriend." FML
by Amberain / 08/16/2012 at 11:16am / United Kingdom (Halton) / Love
Today, I walked in on my fifteen-year-old son and his friends attempting to set up a rudimentary meth lab in his bedroom. I'm not sure whether to be angrier that they simply tried this, or that they thought burning up baking soda would somehow produce methamphetamine. FML
by JAdams / 08/12/2012 at 8:49pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Kids
by happybirthday / 08/12/2012 at 1:49am / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy
Today, I came out to my parents. I don't really fit any stereotype, I'm just an average guy who happens to be into guys. Ten minutes later, I overheard my mother say to my step-dad, "Should we redecorate his room pink?" FML
by ohai95 / 08/07/2012 at 8:11pm / United Kingdom (West Sussex) / Miscellaneous