About lexiieeex3 : My life is a fantastic joke. Enjoy as I rant about it.
lexiieeex3's FML badges
Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
lexiieeex3's favorite FMLs
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Instead of moaning like any normal person, he just kept saying stuff like "uh-huh," "not too bad," and "yup" in a complete monotone. It was probably the most uncomfortable experience of my life. FML
by awkward / 07/26/2013 at 2:00pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by vet1 / 07/11/2013 at 11:18am / South Africa (Gauteng) / Work
by walker / 07/06/2013 at 12:17am / United States / Love
by not cool / 06/28/2013 at 1:16am / Australia (Queensland) / Health
Today, I woke up to the sound of my newborn screaming. I frantically hopped out of bed and stumbled into the nursery where I was met by the priceless sight of my five-year-old daughter attempting to breastfeed her understandably frustrated little brother. FML
by SkeetinKeaton / 05/06/2013 at 2:29am / United States / Kids
Today, after paying for my groceries, I noticed that a bread-roll hadn't been charged. I felt guilty and went back to the register to pay for it. The cashier burst into derisive laughter and mockingly asked me if I was "running for Pope or something". FML
by moosy0_o / 04/07/2013 at 3:22pm / Netherlands (Noord-Brabant) / Money
Today, my fiancée and I showed my mother-in-law a picture of the location at which we'll be holding our wedding reception. It's a beautiful waterfront building overlooking the ocean. She looked me dead in the eyes and said, "Looks like a good place to commit suicide." FML
by Anonymous / 03/14/2013 at 10:40am / Latvia / Miscellaneous
by Nickki / 10/14/2012 at 10:57am / United States / Kids
Today, my boyfriend came over to see me after almost a month of us not spending time together. Unfortunately, he came straight from bar-hopping with his friends and was wasted. He's currently naked in bed, cooing at his penis, and giggling like a little girl. FML
by kvdfan / 08/27/2012 at 8:57am / United States / Love
by XYZee / 08/22/2012 at 4:27pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
by jenA / 08/21/2012 at 9:04am / United States (Kentucky) / Animals
by Anonymous / 08/21/2012 at 2:31am / United Kingdom (Worcestershire) / Health
Today, after his second week of babysitting, my boyfriend has begun the disturbing habit of saying, "Ready or not, here I come!" every time he's about to orgasm. He doesn't see why this doesn't appeal to me. FML
by majorlyturnedoff / 08/20/2012 at 11:02pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, I found out that my six year old cousin has a raging crush on my boyfriend. She lives across the street and watches from her window for his car to appear in front of my house. She's indicated that she'll stop at nothing until he's hers. FML
by yoggabe / 08/18/2012 at 4:34pm / Mexico (Tabasco) / Kids
- Today, I found the list my wife made of the things she was going to give up for Lent. The first one… Today, I found my favorite stuffed animal I had as a child in the trash bin. I took it out to find… Today, I went on a first date. Everything was going well until he asked me, "So, what's the biggest…
- Today, and for the last few days I've stopped texting the people I talk with daily to see if they'd… Today, my supervisor at work took me into the back room, saying "several other cashiers complained… Today, I was coaching some kids in table tennis when I told them to try a forehand loop, or smash.…