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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 13060
  • Number of comments : 825
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 26 posted

About lexiieeex3 : My life is a fantastic joke. Enjoy as I rant about it.

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lexiieeex3's FML badges

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

See all of lexiieeex3's badges

lexiieeex3's favorite FMLs

Today, I walked in on my son holding a lighter to the end of a pen and sniffing the fumes. Apparently he thought it would get him high. FML

by wah wah "you raised him" / 04/22/2014 at 2:59pm / United States (California) / Kids

Today, my guide dog sneezed so hard that it slammed its head on the floor and knocked itself out. I have to trust this dog with my life. FML

by Anonymous / 04/20/2014 at 12:03am / United States (Idaho) / Animals

Today, I was eating an apple in class. When I went to take a big bite, my teeth went right through the apple, causing me to scrape the apple right up my face. My nose then started to bleed. I'm now known as the girl who punched herself in the face with an apple. FML

by Nose bleed / 04/15/2014 at 10:48pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Health

Today, in an attempt to potty train my step-son, my boyfriend and I put underwear on him, hoping that when he peed himself, he would realize using the potty is the way to go. Instead, he peed while sitting on the couch, got up, took off the underwear, and then switched seats. FML

by Anonymous / 04/07/2014 at 1:43pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, after cleaning my house because I'd thrown a party all weekend while my parents were gone, I still got caught because somebody tried to make beer popsicles with Q-Tips in the ice trays in my freezer. FML

by trp007 / 04/06/2014 at 11:03pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, my phone rang just seconds after I left a conference meeting to go use the restroom. It wouldn't have been a problem, except it seems one of my friends thought it would be funny to change my ringtone to a woman having an orgasm. FML

by King_of_hearts / 04/04/2014 at 7:46pm / United States (Indiana) / Work

Today, I met a really nice girl at a club, and we went back to my place. I was finally going to lose my virginity, but just as she started kissing me, I panicked and ended up fainting. When I came to, I was still clothed, and she was long gone. FML

by ohai ur hawt, wanna fuzzzZzZZzzZzz / 04/04/2014 at 7:20pm / Mexico (Distrito Federal) / Love

Today, I had to rush my 14-year-old son to the hospital after he fell out of a tree while trying to take an obnoxious "extreme selfie". FML

by derped-out sperm / 04/01/2014 at 5:41pm / Ireland / Kids

Today, my parents and I attended the funeral of my husband's mother. It was open-casket, and my parents went to take a look. My mum muttered, "With a dress that tacky, no wonder she died", and my dad chuckled. A fight quickly erupted, and the police were called. FML

by disgusted / 03/29/2014 at 5:31pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at Walmart and had to use the bathroom. I sat down and farted real loud. I didn't realize someone was in there with me until I heard a voice say, "Dude, that was a good one." It was a man's voice. I then realized I was in the men's restroom. FML

by dani / 03/24/2014 at 11:39pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, my drunken self became a vaguely racist poet. I am now the author of a four-page poem entitled "Chocolate Men". FML

by chocochoco / 03/23/2014 at 11:40pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was babysitting my nephew and we decided to color together. He drew a picture of someone who looked dead, almost zombie-like, while everyone else looked pretty normal. When I asked who it was, he said in a serious, scary voice, "It's you." FML

by BondingTime / 03/17/2014 at 5:51am / United States (Minnesota) / Kids

Today, a lady who works for my husband confided in me that they've been sleeping with each other and now she's pregnant. She didn't know I was his wife. FML

by naesha / 03/16/2014 at 9:40pm / United States (Tennessee) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I locked myself out and had to enter my house via the back door. Thinking I was an intruder, my 7-year-old daughter slammed a metal rake into the back of my head. Nice to know she can take care of herself. FML

by emergencyroom / 03/15/2014 at 8:21am / United States (Maryland) / Kids

Today, my 3-year-old son discovered his testicles. When I asked him what they were, he replied, "They're my balls! They make my winkie happy!" Now he won't quit singing it. FML

by Anonymous / 03/11/2014 at 11:34pm / United States (New York) / Kids