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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 7489
  • Number of comments : 469
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 25 posted

About lexiieeex3 : My life is a fantastic joke. Enjoy as I rant about it.

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lexiieeex3's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend wrote me a long poem that ended with, "Please don't get another mister / I regret I screwed your sister". FML


I agree, your life sucks (51153) - you deserved it (4194)

On 01/02/2014 at 10:50pm - love - by notakeeper - United States (Florida)

Today, I was hitting on a girl, and I was sure I could get her to sleep with me. When she finally gave in and was putting her number into my phone, she called my mom and asked her if she raised me to "sexually harass women." FML


I agree, your life sucks (21729) - you deserved it (81930)

On 10/13/2013 at 10:38am - love - by not getting laid - United States (Texas)

Today, I was at Walmart with my stepmom. We were about to check out when a little sweet-looking old woman came up and asked if she could get in front of us. Seeing as she only had two items in her hands we said yes. Her husband then came up with two carts full of stuff, condoms on top. FML

Today, I finally accepted my grandma's friend request on Facebook. I commented on a family photo album she'd uploaded, joking that the quality would greatly improve once she added pictures of me. My comment was met with, "Shut up you sewage rat". FML


I agree, your life sucks (39491) - you deserved it (7790)

On 08/27/2013 at 9:29pm - misc - by sweetnan (woman) - Chile (Region Metropolitana)

Today, as part of my veterinary degree, I had to demonstrate how to jerk off a dog in front of my entire class. Afterwards, the lecturer said that I have the 'magic touch'. FML


I agree, your life sucks (59424) - you deserved it (6975)

On 07/11/2013 at 11:18am - work - by vet1 (man) - South Africa (Gauteng)

Today, I went over my girlfriend of 3 months' house for the first time. As we walked through the door, I was greeted by a little girl whose first words to me were, "Are you my daddy?" FML


I agree, your life sucks (52316) - you deserved it (4472)

On 07/06/2013 at 12:17am - love - by walker - United States

Today, I woke up to the sound of my newborn screaming. I frantically hopped out of bed and stumbled into the nursery where I was met by the priceless sight of my five-year-old daughter attempting to breastfeed her understandably frustrated little brother. FML


I agree, your life sucks (64966) - you deserved it (5973)

On 05/06/2013 at 2:29am - kids - by SkeetinKeaton (man) - United States

Today, after paying for my groceries, I noticed that a bread-roll hadn't been charged. I felt guilty and went back to the register to pay for it. The cashier burst into derisive laughter and mockingly asked me if I was "running for Pope or something". FML

Today, I walked into the kitchen at 5 am, to have my 7 and 9 year olds throw a bucket of water on me. To their surprise and horror, I didn't melt. FML


I agree, your life sucks (24983) - you deserved it (3307)

On 10/14/2012 at 10:57am - kids - by Nickki - United States

Today, my boyfriend came over to see me after almost a month of us not spending time together. Unfortunately, he came straight from bar-hopping with his friends and was wasted. He's currently naked in bed, cooing at his penis, and giggling like a little girl. FML


I agree, your life sucks (24980) - you deserved it (3158)

On 08/27/2012 at 8:57am - love - by kvdfan (woman) - United States

Today, after quite a long work day, I got home to find my house had been broken into. Everything but my sleeping boyfriend was gone. FML


I agree, your life sucks (24487) - you deserved it (1751)

On 08/22/2012 at 4:27pm - misc - by XYZee - United States (Georgia)

Today, I realized the fastest way to wake up isn't from an alarm clock. It's from the warm, wet sensation of your old and senile cat peeing on you and your bed. I swear he was smiling. FML


I agree, your life sucks (22253) - you deserved it (2543)

On 08/21/2012 at 9:04am - animals - by jenA - United States (Kentucky)

Today, my girlfriend decided that having OCD will help her lose weight. She is now convinced that walking in and out of doorways multiple times will burn fat. FML


I agree, your life sucks (20776) - you deserved it (2112)

On 08/21/2012 at 2:31am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Worcestershire)

Today, after his second week of babysitting, my boyfriend has begun the disturbing habit of saying, "Ready or not, here I come!" every time he's about to orgasm. He doesn't see why this doesn't appeal to me. FML


I agree, your life sucks (26325) - you deserved it (2836)

On 08/20/2012 at 11:02pm - intimacy - by majorlyturnedoff (woman) - United States

Today, I found out that my six year old cousin has a raging crush on my boyfriend. She lives across the street and watches from her window for his car to appear in front of my house. She's indicated that she'll stop at nothing until he's hers. FML


I agree, your life sucks (25273) - you deserved it (2097)

On 08/18/2012 at 4:34pm - kids - by yoggabe (woman) - Mexico (Tabasco)

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  • Here we go again. This week I'm talking to you live from the Paris Japan Expo. I'm dressed up as Bernard from the Sailor Moon series, and I almost got kicked out because my katana wasn't the…

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