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lex999

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lex999
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Friday 11 February 2000 (14 years)
  • Number of visits : 103
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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lex999's favorite FMLs

Today, I texted a somewhat overweight girl I wanted to hook up with and asked her "Have you been dating anyone lately?" Unfortunately with predictive text, "dating" came out as "eating". I didn't realize it till after it sent. FML

#6761205
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13863) - you deserved it (20936)

On 12/15/2009 at 3:32am - love - by Proof-Reader (man) - United States (California)

Today, my wife and I were getting intimate. I wanted to make it last longer, so I tried thinking of something else. Suddenly she says, "What are you thinking?" I reply, "Dead puppies." This apparently turned her off more than it did me, because she got out of the bed. FML

#6700407
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4513) - you deserved it (22562)

On 12/10/2009 at 9:22pm - intimacy - by jlowder2 - United States (Illinois)

Today, my family sat me down and told me I was spending way too much time with my boyfriend and not enough time with them. My boyfriend has been away in Iraq for six months and just came home a week ago. FML

#6406317
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35901) - you deserved it (1914)

On 11/22/2009 at 3:03pm - love - by gj09 - United States

Today, I had a tooth pulled. An hour or so later, I removed the gauze from my mouth, because I thought the bleeding had stopped. I got on my laptop. A few minutes later I looked down, to see that I had drooled blood all over the keyboard, and didn't know because my mouth was numb. FML

#6392030
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11248) - you deserved it (28021)

On 11/21/2009 at 6:21pm - health - by MrZach (man) - United States

Today, I used text-to-speech just so that I can hear "I love you" for once. FML

#6377281
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39742) - you deserved it (6553)

On 11/20/2009 at 2:29am - love - by lonelyman (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend's head was on my lap. I bent down to kiss him. My stomach rolls got there first. FML

#5645915
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18298) - you deserved it (43300)

On 10/04/2009 at 5:40pm - love - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, after making out with this guy, our tongue piercings got stuck together. After about five minutes of trying to unlock them, I accidentally vomited a little in his mouth. FML

#5345051
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31819) - you deserved it (30897)

On 09/19/2009 at 1:22am - love - by Pierceew (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I corrected my mom in front of our family while she was ragging on my 12 year old cousin who got a piercing. She said, "You don't understand you don't have kids, but on the other hand you probably never will!" I have Polycystic ovary syndrome, she is right, I probably never will. FML

#4783460
338 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53819) - you deserved it (2849)

On 08/24/2009 at 12:43pm - health - by fannyfitel123 (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was playing catch with my 6 year old cousin in the garden, when he demanded a piggy back. Trying to be the good cousin, I did so and he soon shouts "Run! Run!" so I do so. Suddenly he shouts "STOP! My winky's gone pointy". I gave my 6 year old cousin an erection. FML

#4637795
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50786) - you deserved it (4211)

On 08/18/2009 at 8:23pm - intimacy - by Girl - United Kingdom (Hampshire)

Today, I went to Knott's Berry Farm with my girlfriend. After we got off of Supreme Scream, the ride attendant asked her, "How was it?" She pointed to me and said, "It's like sex with this man, my boyfriend; intense, then disappointing because it only lasts like 30 seconds." FML

#4393930
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46523) - you deserved it (10050)

On 08/08/2009 at 9:41pm - intimacy - by blank13 (man) - United States (California)

Today, my brother's best friend spent the night and was changing with the door partially open. He's super hot and as I was watching him change, he sneezed. Forgetting he didn't know I was watching him, I said bless you. He called me a freak, slammed the door in my face and told my parents. FML

#4235040
415 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12168) - you deserved it (111838)

On 08/02/2009 at 6:03pm - misc - by jeeperspeepers (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was performing in the musical 'Cabaret'. I was playing a Nazi soldier, swastika armband and all. Someone thought it would be funny to take my real clothes while I was on stage. I had to walk a mile back my house with my costume on. Someone threw eggs at me. FML

#3939096
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43538) - you deserved it (4539)

On 07/21/2009 at 8:39pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was chatting with an amazing guy online. He was perfect for me. After five hours he told me he loved me and I said it back. So than we decided to trade nudes. I sent mine. Within two seconds my niece calls, laughing her ass off, telling me how weird my birthmark is. FML

#3442749
288 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11948) - you deserved it (91887)

On 07/03/2009 at 12:20am - misc - by Uriah (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I saw a drunk guy hitting on a girl sitting alone at the bar. She insisted that her boyfriend was there, but he didn't relent. So I went over and put my arm around her and asked "Who's this guy?" He walked away, but then I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was her boyfriend. He broke my arm. FML

#3368467
217 comments

I agree, your life sucks (73720) - you deserved it (10877)

On 06/30/2009 at 2:57pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)



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