About lex1459 : Gene Parmesan is the true master of disguise.
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I never take things to heart
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lex1459's favorite FMLs
Today, my boyfriend sat me down for a "confession". His confession consisted of him saying that "women are like a bag of chips," and that while you can love the smokey BBQ flavor, every once in a while you just have to go for some salt and vinegar. FML
by Anonymous / 05/12/2012 at 4:04pm / Egypt (Al Qahirah) / Love
by roomingwithevil / 05/09/2012 at 7:26pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous
Today, my little sister came to me crying about how everyone calls her a bad driver. I gave her a pep talk, an encouraging hug, and told her not to listen to negativity. Five minutes later she wrecked my car. FML
by 464424 / 05/05/2012 at 2:24am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
Today, I surprised my daughter by telling her that I'm going to treat the family to a trip to the Himalayas in a few months. She promptly threw a tantrum and listed her main reasons for not wanting us to go: "It's a freaking desert there," and, "I'll miss the new Spiderman movie." FML
by neverakid / 04/13/2012 at 9:01pm / United States / Kids
by Scarred / 04/03/2012 at 11:27pm / United States (Michigan) / Animals
Today, I had to yet again tell my mother-in-law that I wasn't going to name my unborn baby "Ermintrude" after her late mother. My husband told me to stop being difficult, and that he agrees that it would be nice. FML
by futuremum / 03/22/2012 at 1:14pm / United Kingdom (Bristol, City of) / Kids
by Redhead4life / 03/17/2012 at 8:48pm / United States (Florida) / Kids
Today, I downloaded an application that notifies me when my phone is fully charged. I had no idea how it actually functions, but I plugged the charger in and went to bed. A couple of hours later, I woke up to a man's voice screaming, "I can't take it anymore!" I nearly wet myself. FML
by scaredshitless / 03/03/2012 at 8:55am / Finland (Southern Finland) / Miscellaneous
Today, my dad made me deliver a welcoming cake to our new neighbors. While I was making small-talk, I saw him climb over their backyard fence. A minute later, he climbed back over, with a plastic deck-chair in hand. I feel like an accessory to the pettiest theft in history. FML
by wtf dad / 03/02/2012 at 9:24pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
by malloreigh / 02/28/2012 at 12:19am / Australia / Miscellaneous
Today, I came back from a holiday and the friend who'd been looking after my cats returned my spare key. When I wanted to put some relaxing music on, I noticed that he'd switched most of my CDs around in their cases. I have over a thousand of them. Very funny, thanks. FML
by Veryfunny / 02/23/2012 at 6:52pm / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 02/17/2012 at 3:01am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
by sorrygrandma / 01/31/2012 at 10:34pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was standing in the bathroom and farted. It felt like someone stabbed me in the butt. I jumped out of shock, and my head slammed into the mirror. My glasses fell onto the floor and broke. I now need new glasses, a new mirror, and an ice pack for my head. All because I farted. FML
by Rachal / 01/29/2012 at 8:27pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health
by SpongeAbii2 / 01/24/2012 at 6:47am / United Kingdom (Milton Keynes) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's… 2Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 3Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say…