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lemurman108's favorite FMLs
by anonymous / 02/25/2016 at 4:55pm / United States / Health
Today, while I was taking a shower, my boyfriend came into the bathroom to ask me a question. When I got out of the shower, I was greeted with a horrifying cutout of Michael Jackson. I fell backwards, shattering the glass shower door. I needed stitches. FML
by Shy_Shiloh / 01/21/2016 at 3:58am / United States (Ohio) / Love
by Sleep_lover654 / 01/07/2016 at 1:46am / United States (Arizona) / Kids
by PheobeBuffay / 12/11/2015 at 1:14pm / Norway (Vestfold) / Love
Today, I scolded my son at a buffet after he pointed at an obese woman in a motorized wheelchair and asked how anyone could let themselves get so unhealthy. As I lectured him on genetics and thyroid problems, she rolled past with a plate stacked with an obscene amount of fried food. FML
by fuck / 08/21/2015 at 2:22pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Health
Today, my son invited me to his first standup comedy gig. I accepted, only to later suffer through an hour of the worst jokes I've heard in my entire life. It was so bad, he made Dane Cook look like a comic genius, and I had to resist heckling him. Hours later, I still feel vaguely suicidal. FML
by Anonymous / 04/13/2015 at 11:23am / United Kingdom (Manchester) / Kids
Today, I went driving for the first time with my mom. When she wasn't screaming, she gave great advice like, "Stop at the red light" and "Don't crash into cars". I need to drive 50 hours with her. FML
by fedupson / 04/09/2015 at 10:03am / United States (California) / Transportation
Today, my school had to make an official announcement that students were not permitted to go home due to Zayn Malik leaving One Direction because so many girls were claiming they couldn't focus on school with such a dramatic event occurring. FML
by Anonymous / 03/26/2015 at 9:20am / United States (California) / Work
by ironfey / 03/20/2015 at 11:38pm / United States (Virginia) / Work
by fucked / 02/06/2015 at 3:06am / Singapore / Work
by grossedout / 02/01/2015 at 6:10pm / United States (Virginia) / Health
Today, I gave a presentation to my college class about life with Tourette syndrome. I only got 3 minutes into it before my asswipe classmates started yelling stuff like "Shit!", "Cock!", and "Bob Saget!" I gave up and went back to my seat in tears as our bored instructor said "Next." FML
by Anonymous / 01/10/2015 at 5:12pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by jake / 08/12/2014 at 6:21am / Australia (New South Wales) / Kids
Today, a customer threatened to smash my face in because I wouldn't give him a veteran's discount on a donut. He looked like he'd eaten his way out of fat camp, and it seemed the only action he'd seen was fighting his way into a lard factory. Still, he swung fast, and I now have a black eye. FML
by Anonymous / 07/24/2014 at 5:23pm / United States (Virginia) / Work
- Today, I paid for POF membership. Now I can see all the girls who are looking at my profile and not… Today, I realized that I need to rethink buying shirts that are a little tight on me when a 7 year… Today, my pregnancy took a new level when my morning sickness caused me to throw up on the bathroom…