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  • Number of visits : 1845
  • Number of comments : 100
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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lemoncows's page activity

Visits<b>2simz</b> - the 07/21/2016 at 4:09am<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 05/04/2016 at 12:45am<b>manhj19</b> - the 03/01/2016 at 5:18pm<b>Emmalyne606777</b> - the 01/16/2016 at 6:20pm<b>Cullen0828</b> - the 09/04/2015 at 5:43pm<b>BestOrginalName</b> - the 09/01/2015 at 8:55pm<b>crystalbeau98</b> - the 08/07/2015 at 12:25am<b>One_Way</b> - the 06/19/2015 at 11:25pm<b>jerryj</b> - the 06/10/2015 at 12:57am<b>invadermaythe1st</b> - the 05/16/2015 at 11:30pm<b>Rich531</b> - the 04/03/2015 at 1:25am<b>oops6663</b> - the 02/08/2015 at 11:32pm<b>MasterPug</b> - the 02/08/2015 at 10:21pm<b>Jazzyw1997</b> - the 02/05/2015 at 11:09am<b>Marine6297</b> - the 01/22/2015 at 10:35pm<b>davisjenny81</b> - the 01/21/2015 at 5:22pm<b>IvyRizzzzoli</b> - the 01/06/2015 at 10:57pm<b>cheesyfeet2001</b> - the 12/31/2014 at 8:29pm

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lemoncows's favorite FMLs

Today, I got into a car accident. The other party left the scene immediately after without exchanging insurance information. Deer can be so rude. FML

by Anonymous / 11/16/2011 at 9:24pm / United States (Texas) / Transportation

Today, I was doing swimming practice at the pool. I suddenly got breathless, dizzy, and felt like I was drowning. I cried out to the instructor, telling him I had a weak heart. He shouted back, "I don't care about your girlfriend's problems! Swim, bitch!" FML

by mathii / 07/23/2011 at 7:52pm / Love

Today, after watching Insidious, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to scare me while I was on the toilet. I was in mid-piss when he jumped out at me, and I ran screaming and peeing down the hall. FML

by toni405 / 07/21/2011 at 5:24pm / United States / Love

Today, my 4 year old daughter walked in while I was changing my shirt. She said "When I get older I am going to have big boobies just like you." I'm her dad. FML

by parentof5 / 04/23/2011 at 11:20am / United States / Kids

Today, at the Mommy and Me dance class that I take my four year old daughter to, the instructor had us do a stretch, telling us to pretend we're mermaids. My daughter said to me, "But you're not a mermaid, you're a whale!" FML

by Abby_gummibear / 03/19/2011 at 5:04pm / United States (Nevada) / Kids

Today, I have a cat with separation anxiety. By this, I mean whenever I go in another room and shut the door with her outside, she uses her head as a battering ram to try and break down the door. It's fun trying to sleep too. FML

by nosleeptilpissoff / 03/18/2011 at 11:54am / United States (Minnesota) / Animals

Today, I was at a fire roasting marshmallows. When mine caught on fire, I pulled it back so I could blow out the flames. It flew off the stick, and, still flaming, landed on my face. FML

by crayons128 / 01/24/2011 at 1:13am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my cat learned how to flush the toilet while I was in the shower. His transformation from cute kitten to pure evil entity is now complete. FML

by Anonymous / 11/08/2010 at 5:55am / Turkey (Istanbul) / Animals

Today, trying to be cute, I told my soon-to-be husband he was the ying to my yang. He responded with "Baby, you're the Monica Lewinsky to my Bill Clinton." FML

by Anonymous / 11/08/2010 at 4:50am / United States (Oklahoma) / Love

Today, I went on a drive with my girlfriend when we went past a 'Dead End' sign. She pointed to it and said it was "Foreshadowing our relationship". FML

by Anonymous / 11/07/2010 at 4:32pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have sex for the first time. While we were undressing each other, he said, "Wow, if we have children, you're gonna have to shave, or they'll die from rug-burn as they come out!" FML

by tht1chk / 10/30/2010 at 8:37pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I was sucking on a Tic Tac. Just as I was starting to get into it, the Tic-Tac suddenly shot down my throat. After a minute of coughing and gagging, it came back up... out my left nostril. FML

by DeepTaccer / 10/30/2010 at 5:28pm / United Kingdom (Norfolk) / Health

Today, I was at work, when I got bored and started spinning around in my chair for a little fun. As I was spinning, I went to grab my phone. I missed and sent my phone flying, hitting my coworker in the face. My boss witnessed the whole thing. FML

by Anonymous / 10/24/2010 at 3:29pm / United States (Maryland) / Work

Today, I was at the beach with my parents. They were walking hand in hand, when they spotted a crab. My Dad turned to my Mum and said "Oh, must've crawled out of my pubes!" they both laughed and kissed. I don't think they realized I was within hearing distance. FML

by Anonymous / 10/02/2010 at 9:12am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend dumped me because 'I look like his hamster when I'm eating sunflower seeds.' FML

by ohman / 10/02/2010 at 2:28am / Singapore / Love