Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

lemonbeat

Offline (the 09/04/2014 at 4:45pm) | Search for a member

lemonbeat

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 270
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About lemonbeat : I'm too nice._.
Bay Area
NY
Hawaii

lemonbeat's page activity

Visits<b>WillowB47</b> - the 08/10/2014 at 3:04am<b>Sebastian2022</b> - the 07/03/2014 at 1:25am<b>aa1717</b> - the 07/01/2014 at 5:27pm<b>pandasaresocute</b> - the 06/25/2014 at 10:53am<b>totallylosing</b> - the 06/13/2014 at 8:39am<b>MissDarkness</b> - the 06/12/2014 at 8:32pm<b>AnaMoore</b> - the 06/12/2014 at 11:33am<b>djoudjou7598</b> - the 06/07/2014 at 5:48am<b>Emiler98</b> - the 06/06/2014 at 10:51pm<b>JuzReading</b> - the 06/06/2014 at 6:29pm<b>Larissa24</b> - the 06/06/2014 at 1:24am<b>PerSueTwo513</b> - the 06/04/2014 at 5:01pm<b>izbechillin</b> - the 06/01/2014 at 5:59pm<b>ironfey</b> - the 05/29/2014 at 8:28pm<b>CandyPewPewPew</b> - the 05/25/2014 at 3:06pm<b>Bluebl4ze</b> - the 05/20/2014 at 9:21am<b>BadddWolf</b> - the 05/18/2014 at 5:13am<b>user51020</b> - the 05/15/2014 at 8:04am

lemonbeat's FML badges

50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

A new Thumb

You’ve used your thumb on 1000 comments.

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

See all of lemonbeat's badges

lemonbeat's favorite FMLs

Today, my fiancée has been saying, "Shit's gone cray-cray" for over a week. I finally snapped. When I was done ranting, she murmured, "Baby, don't be cray-cray". FML

#21204913
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46596) - you deserved it (8154)

On 07/10/2014 at 9:34am - love - by oh my fucking god (woman) - United Kingdom (Derby)

Today, a guy at work pulled me aside to tell me that I probably shouldn't be working a job where I have to interact with customers, because of my autism. I don't have autism. FML

#21185267
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45668) - you deserved it (4188)

On 06/23/2014 at 12:19pm - work - by Badatlife (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, while ringing up a girl, I asked for an ID to verify her credit card. She said she forgot it but pulls out her Facebook on her phone to show me it really is hers. FML

Today, my doctor got my blood test results from the lab. He looked at me gravely and told me I had just weeks left to live. After I started hyperventilating and crying, he burst out laughing and said he was kidding. He then prescribed me some iron tablets and sent me on my way. FML

#21182241
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51034) - you deserved it (5909)

On 06/20/2014 at 7:03pm - health - by legitfile.bat.virus.exe (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my dad told me that I was conceived while he and my mother were high on LSD. He then stared into the distance, mumbled "Probably explains a few things" and chuckled to himself. FML

#21182176
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41329) - you deserved it (3756)

On 06/20/2014 at 6:05pm - kids - by Alex (man) - United Kingdom (Ealing)

Today, I was out shopping with my mom. While we were walking, a guy in a car honked at me. I'm not used to compliments, so I was pretty flattered and flashed him a smile. He looked back at me, confused, then shook his head and pointed at my mom. FML

#21173638
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41703) - you deserved it (5416)

On 06/13/2014 at 7:36pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my dad called me into the bathroom, saying "Get a load of this shit, son" and forcing me to look at the biggest, foulest-smelling turd I have ever seen in my life in the toilet. It's been three hours and I still feel physically ill. FML

#21173465
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41798) - you deserved it (5304)

On 06/13/2014 at 4:17pm - health - by green and not with envy (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my girlfriend sent me a text message confessing that she's been cheating on me. Apparently she regretted telling me the truth, because when I confronted her face-to-face, she claimed her roommate had sent it as a prank. She doesn't have a roommate. FML

#21167164
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46884) - you deserved it (3926)

On 06/08/2014 at 2:01pm - love - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I took my driving test. I had pulled out of my three point turn in a neighborhood and started driving again, thinking something wasn't quite right. The lady testing me looked over at me and said, "Sweetie, you're driving on the wrong side of the road." FML

#21150097
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38488) - you deserved it (18660)

On 05/24/2014 at 11:22am - misc - by Lindsey (woman) - United States

Today, I finally brought a girl home from college. While I was making her some coffee, my roommate came down in her underwear, pretended to be my girlfriend, and asked if we were having a threesome. My date left before I could explain, and my roommate thinks it's fucking hilarious. FML

Today, while at work, I asked an older customer how he was doing. He told me that he'd just lost his wife. I gave my condolences before he clarified that his wife was not dead, but was lost in Walmart. FML

#21139954
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44116) - you deserved it (6509)

On 05/14/2014 at 7:16pm - work - by oh god. - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my girlfriend admitted to my best friend that she basically just sees me as a dildo with annoying emotions. FML

#21138864
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51721) - you deserved it (7005)

On 05/13/2014 at 5:31pm - love - by taintedlover (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my wife got all excited when she saw the elevator we were in had a feature to make it go sideways. I didn't have the heart to tell her they were the buttons to open and close the door. FML

#21137819
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46968) - you deserved it (6113)

On 05/12/2014 at 3:41pm - misc - by Jarool - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my dad seemed moody, so to lift his spirits, I told him I love him. He just snorted, "You gay or something, boy?" Really mature, dad, really mature. FML

#21136683
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40736) - you deserved it (4893)

On 05/11/2014 at 1:57pm - love - by not gay in AL (man) - United States

Today, while at work as a telemarketer, I called a customer on his home phone. Once I was connected, an automated voice said, "To speak with a customer, please press 1." Confused, I pressed one. I then heard loud laughter followed by, "Oh my god! What a dumbass!" before they hung up. FML

#21133762
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37767) - you deserved it (20057)

On 05/07/2014 at 11:57pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)



FML's blog

  • Krumla's Illustrated FML
  • It's Friday, so a bold font is required. I was sitting in my caravan by the side of busy road cooking cocktail sausages over a gas stove when I realised it was time to start writing something about this…

Friday 24 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: