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lemmalongsnail

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lemmalongsnail
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  • Number of visits : 130
  • Number of comments : 7
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

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lemmalongsnail's favorite FMLs

Today, I was maced. Not by a person, but rather by one of those automatic air fresheners in the bathroom. It was conveniently placed at eye level, you know, for freshness. FML

#20921961
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36794) - you deserved it (2427)

On 10/15/2013 at 8:38pm - health - by erockinthesuburb (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was hanging out with a guy I like. We climbed a tree to watch the sunset, and as the sun went down, I kissed him. He fell out of the tree. FML

#20920034
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45171) - you deserved it (4769)

On 10/14/2013 at 12:02pm - love - by lovehurts - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my boyfriend and I went to the doctor's for an ultrasound, as I'm 7 months pregnant. Then he went home and took his wife out to dinner for her birthday. FML

#20911051
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29745) - you deserved it (84898)

On 10/07/2013 at 2:54pm - love - by Cereal_mistress (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my mom signed me up for a swimming class to show my sister there's nothing to be afraid of. Considering I'm 17, I assumed I'd be in an advanced class. Instead, I get to spend summer blowing bubbles in the shallow end with four-year-olds as my little sister cheers me on from the steps. FML

#20758869
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35823) - you deserved it (2962)

On 07/01/2013 at 10:37pm - misc - by AwkwardPotato - United States (California)

Today, after much self-doubt and awkwardness, I learned that I look amazing in a little black dress. Now I have to figure out what I'm going to tell my wife. FML

Today, my boyfriend of three days met up with me at the movie theater, sporting a crude tattoo of my face on his cheek, along with a love heart and the word "forever." Looks like I'm single again. FML

#20469621
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33221) - you deserved it (3587)

On 01/20/2013 at 2:28pm - love - by maybe dead in a day (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I sat on my balls while at a restaurant. As I was wincing in pain and readjusting myself, my girlfriend came and sat on my lap. She landed directly on my nuts. After a minute or two, I stood up, only to rack myself once again on the corner of the table. FML

Today, I was watching a movie with my boyfriend, when things got a little frisky and we started making out. It was my first time French-kissing, and apparently he has a very sensitive gag reflex, because the moment my tongue went in, he started retching, and vomited moments later. FML

#20134512
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18065) - you deserved it (2215)

On 10/26/2012 at 5:59pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Switzerland (Zurich)

Today, I found out that guys will only flirt with me when they're drunk, and even then only when they realize that my best friend is out of their league. FML

#20093311
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14095) - you deserved it (1379)

On 09/29/2012 at 7:16am - love - by kfenton - United States

Today, I discovered that when I'm drunk, I hate wearing clothes. And it doesn't matter who is around to see it, not even my soon-to-be father-in-law. FML

#19997643
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5258) - you deserved it (20691)

On 08/02/2012 at 1:10am - misc - by wherermypants (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I found a tick half-buried in my nipple. FML

#19971025
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25621) - you deserved it (2722)

On 07/21/2012 at 10:30pm - health - by Luna - United States (New York)

Today, I had this amazing dream that a beautiful girl was giving me head. It was getting really hot, so in my dream, I reached down to push on her head, but in real life I actually swung my arm down and punched myself in the balls. FML

#19918073
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15536) - you deserved it (32890)

On 07/10/2012 at 6:03am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I have four flights. I spent last night projectile vomiting with food poisoning. By the time I got to the airport it had progressed to liquid diarhea. Two flights in, I got my period. FML

#19870672
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42960) - you deserved it (1614)

On 06/30/2012 at 8:48am - health - by Jobby (woman) -

Today, I was trying to take my shirt off. It was an awkward fit, so I had to basically wrestle it for five minutes. The kicker was that I was giving my boyfriend a striptease. He laughed so hard and for so long that we never had sex. FML

#19739017
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21623) - you deserved it (6844)

On 06/05/2012 at 3:36pm - intimacy - by Damn (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, after 4 days of constipation, I finally pooped. Sadly, I was not on the toilet. FML

#19619815
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25541) - you deserved it (2405)

On 05/13/2012 at 11:14pm - health - by Anonymous - United States



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  • "If drawing stuff is the food of love, then get a better pencil." That's not a real expression, I just made it up because I needed a good opening line. It's not even that good of an opening line, but…

Thursday 10 April 2014

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