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leekoon

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leekoon

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Visits<b>Vitrolicz</b> - the 05/09/2014 at 5:02pm<b>Damned_Architect</b> - the 03/02/2014 at 1:11am<b>skyttlz</b> - the 02/08/2014 at 2:56am

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leekoon's favorite FMLs

Today, I learned that when someone is choking you don't do the "hymen maneuver", you do the "heimlich maneuver". I was corrected by my girlfriend's parents. FML

#21240474
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31163) - you deserved it (13704)

On 08/18/2014 at 12:29pm - misc - by FANZZY - United States (New York)

Today, we had a guy come into the hospital with a carrot stuck deep in his anus. I've heard all kinds of ridiculous cover stories, but his took the cake; he claimed the phone rang while he was showering and he slipped onto a box of vegetables. Guess who had to extract the carrot. FML

#21179512
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52361) - you deserved it (4606)

On 06/18/2014 at 3:06pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I sent my boyfriend a picture of my tits. He ignored it and instead sent a picture of his dog "looking blazed". FML

#21161395
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41584) - you deserved it (15569)

On 06/03/2014 at 5:46am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Lancashire)

Today, I took out my phone and realized I butt dialed my girlfriend and left her a 4 minute voicemail of me farting in an echoing toilet bowl. FML

#21158120
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44220) - you deserved it (8314)

On 05/31/2014 at 11:05am - love - by wendtinmypants (man) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, at work I had to explain to a client that male dogs can wear red collars and it doesn't make them "gay". The client then got angry and stormed out of the store, causing me to get written up. FML

#21153154
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41995) - you deserved it (4393)

On 05/27/2014 at 7:15am - animals - by Holyguacamoly (woman) - Iceland

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time over dinner. I had to use the bathroom part way through, and ended up taking the foulest dump of my life. I cracked open a window on my way out, but my boyfriend's dad went in soon after, quickly retching and booming "What the fuck?!" FML

#21151127
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47426) - you deserved it (7217)

On 05/25/2014 at 12:09pm - misc - by great 1st impression (woman) - United Kingdom (Derby)

Today, I didn't pay enough attention while sending a music file to be used in a powerful video my class-mates and I made about the Syrian civil war. Instead of a moving classical track, viewers were shown graphic scenes of devastation to the tune of Gangnam Style. FML

#21128082
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23648) - you deserved it (34240)

On 05/01/2014 at 4:10pm - work - by Mortifiedcharityworker (woman) - Austria

Today, I was eating at a Chinese restaurant, when I stopped the waitress to tell her that even though I am of Chinese heritage, I can't understand a word of Chinese. After an awkward silence, she told me she was actually speaking English. FML

#21042741
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39102) - you deserved it (14585)

On 01/28/2014 at 6:16am - misc - by ChickenBallsPlease (woman) - United Kingdom (Norfolk)

Today, I joked with a pregnant girl in a state juvenile correctional facility where I work that eating a lot of candy would damage the unborn baby's teeth. Without batting an eye, she responded that she would simply "eat some toothpaste after the candy." FML

Today, I watched my father attempt to light a cigar with the stove and end up burning off some hair and eyebrows. He tried to play it cool, said, "Haircuts are too expensive these days anyway." and walked out, his head smoking. This man is a college professor. FML

Today, my boyfriend let me be the first one to read the novel he dropped out of college to write. Turns out it's titled "A Brief History of Ass" and is an incoherent ramble about every time we've had anal sex. FML

#20989324
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50494) - you deserved it (8008)

On 12/11/2013 at 7:51pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I got a call from the girl I like. I got very excited so I quickly picked up. As it turns out, she was actually prank calling me, pretending to be a "liposuction telemarketer" but forgot to press *67. FML

#20980172
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40636) - you deserved it (2924)

On 12/04/2013 at 3:50am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, concerned about my daughter's recent behavior, I looked through her web browser history. I found web searches for information on how to make a bomb to blow up a "horse". I'm not sure if she's illiterate, but either way it seems I need to get her some help. FML

#20977212
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39277) - you deserved it (3802)

On 12/01/2013 at 4:43pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, while working at McDonald's, an angry customer called asking for his money back. Apparently we'd put 6 cheeseburgers in his bag instead of 5, he ate them all and now feels sick. FML

Today, in the lunch line at school, a kid literally ordered a "hamburger with extra swag." FML

#20950369
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43627) - you deserved it (3271)

On 11/08/2013 at 3:12pm - work - by thank god you'll only live once (woman) - Canada (Ontario)



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