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lazch

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  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 2153
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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lazch's favorite FMLs

Today, I came home and saw on our fridge, "Please don't drink anymore, I really worry about your health" written by my 7-year-old daughter. I figured she wouldn't ever find out, so I opened the fridge. But I found another note on a can that said "So you're going to drink anyway?" FML

#503348
877 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60124) - you deserved it (628348)

On 03/21/2009 at 12:46am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was in an elevator with my brother and a woman. He signs to me that she has a 'damn fine ass'. I chuckle and then shake my head. He shrugs. A second later the woman signs to us, 'Rick, don't you remember me?' Turns out she helped teach my brother sign language when he was six. FML

#434812
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43402) - you deserved it (23676)

On 03/18/2009 at 3:59am - misc - by elevator-troubles (man) - Australia (Australian Capital Territory)

Today, I was the only one in an elevator when an attractive girl came in, talking on her phone. She told her friend, "I have to go, there's a cute guy on this elevator." Before I could even react, she turned to me and said, "Sorry for lying, I really wanted to get off the phone with her." FML

#265039
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (237291) - you deserved it (14783)

On 03/10/2009 at 9:10pm - misc - by TuralSucks (man) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I was having phone sex with my boyfriend. About halfway through he went really quiet and started breathing heavily. I thought he was about to climax until I discovered he had fallen asleep. FML

#150928
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60441) - you deserved it (13909)

On 02/27/2009 at 3:39am - intimacy - by facepalm (woman) - Singapore

Today, I emailed my boyfriend from work. Out of habit, I absent-mindedly entered my department into the "From" field. My boyfriend didn't notice when he replied. Now my entire department knows I want to "drop to my knees and suck him when I get home." And he plans to "finish on my face." FML

#133145
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14257) - you deserved it (66400)

On 02/25/2009 at 1:41pm - work - by foolishgirl (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I kissed my girlfriend and she tasted like a cigarette. I don't smoke. She doesn't smoke. My roommate does. FML

#107589
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68625) - you deserved it (2903)

On 02/22/2009 at 8:21pm - love - by scotto (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?!" FML

#56665
505 comments

I agree, your life sucks (234655) - you deserved it (81893)

On 02/16/2009 at 9:29pm - kids - by offbeans (man) - United States (California)

Today, I told my mom, "I love you". She responded with, "What? I never told you I loved you." FML

#26936
24 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41590) - you deserved it (2522)

On 02/11/2009 at 6:57pm - misc - by chee (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to surprise my boyfriend in the shower. I opened the door and there was a giant shit in the open toilet. I pretended I was looking for my hairbrush. FML

#2705
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28620) - you deserved it (6789)

On 01/26/2009 at 4:45pm - intimacy - by bad surprise - United States (New York)

Today, I promised my best friend I wouldn't let her hook up with any guys (she got an STD a few weeks ago). After we tossed a few back she led about 30 people in a chant of "cockblock" after I wouldnt let her go home with some random dude. FML

#2489
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43018) - you deserved it (3320)

On 01/25/2009 at 12:54am - intimacy - by cockblockingbitch - United States (Washington)

Today, my dog found my marijuana pipe and the bag it was in and brought it to my parents. FML

#1384
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11419) - you deserved it (33675)

On 01/16/2009 at 2:38pm - animals - by Fucked - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was making love with my girlfriend and my landline rang. Obviously, I let it go to voicemail. At the very moment I was about to cum, I heard my mum's voice on my voicemail: "Hi sweetheart!" FML

#337
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42618) - you deserved it (4138)

On 11/18/2008 at 11:58pm - intimacy - by Gwayhir - Sent from mobile version



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  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

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