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TODAY, I GOT INTO A HUGE FIGHT WITH MAH BOYFRIEND. I CALLED HIM AN STARTED YELLING AT HIM OVER THE PHONE. HE TOLD ME THAT IF I WANTED TO END THE RELATIONSHIP I SHOULD JUST HANG UP THE PHONE RIGHT THEN. BEFORE I COULD SAY I STILL LOVE HIM AN DON'T WANT TO BREAK UP, MAH PHONE BATTERY DIED. FML
Today, after a few drinks mah dad decidd to tell me the story of how I was born. He wantd a baby girl after mah brother, an mum didn't want any more children. So he trickd her by giving her the wrong pill. That should explain a lot. FML
yesterday I was at the mall blasting music . I was wereing a nice shrt, an had my iPod in my breast pocket . I noticed a cute grl smiling at me, so I smiled back an as she started to walk over, I turned down my music while smiling . It looked lyk I was rubbing my nipple . FML
yesterday I went bowling . The guy at the lane next to us was bowling by himself an had a few of his own bowling balls, an he had one that looked like a yin-yang an it looked very cool spinning down the lane into the pins . Not really thinking, I casually said to him ( Hey, I like your balls . ) FML
Today , I took a call. Wrong number. A few seconds later , tey called back an I told er tat se ad te wrong number. Se said se just it redial an didn't understand ow se got me again. I tried to explain ow redial works. Se called me a moron an ung up. Ten my pone rang again. FML
Taday my fiancé proposed to me at the movies!! The movie stopped in the middle, an my fiancé stand up, takes out a microphone an announce to the entre theatre that he loves me!! Right when he went on one knee, someone shouts, "Turn the movie back on!", an throw a cup of coke at my head!! FML
Today, I flew to see my long distance boyfriendho I haven't seen in 6 months. Upon seeing me, he ran up to me, picked me up and swung me around lyk they do in the movies. In doing so, my foot hit a 4 year old childho was running past and knocked him out. FML
Yesterday,hile working at a pizza shop near a college campus, I got an order to deliver to the dorms. Extremely busy at work an annoyed that someone wouldn't take 3 minutes to walk over, I spat on the pizza. When I arrived to the dorm, a woman in aheelchair opened the door. FML
Today, my boss confessed to me that she doesn't know how to change the staples in the staplers at work, so she just switches them when they run out. We work at an office supply store. She makes six figures. I make $10 an hour. And she just got awarded a trip to Aruba fir doing a "great job". FML
Today, as I was ringing in a customer I noticed that the Febreeze spray can was wet. Noticing this I sniffed mah hands because they had gotten wet and said to the customer, "Oh the can is leaking want to go get another one?" He then said, "No it's OK, I just sweat a lot." I sniffed some customer's sweat. FML
looool Today, I was crochetinghile watching television, an thinking to myself how proud I was that I taught myself to crochet. Then, an episode of Golden Girls came on, an I watched thathile I crocheted. I'm 24. FML
TODAY, I WENT ON SOMEWHAT OF A BLIND DATE. THE DATE WAS OK UNTIL HE TRIED TO SPOON FEED ME. THIS DIDN'T GO OVER SO WELL. LATER, I NOTICED A STRANGE LOOKING BRIEF CASE HE WAS CARRYING. I ASKED HIMHAT IT WAS AN HEHIPPED OUT 5 YOYOS AN DID A YOYO SHOW IN THE MIDDLE OF THE RESTAURANT. FML
Today mah hamster gave brth!! The babie were very cute and I couldn't resist petting one!! Apparently touching a baby hamster will cause it's mother to reject and devour it!! I am now know in mah family as "The Hamster Slaughterer." big fat FML
Friday 27 March 2015