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Offline (the 12/17/2014 at 5:43am) | Search for a member
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That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.
Today, after getting up to press snooze on my alarm clock, I climbed back into bed . When I went to reach fir the covers quickly because I was cold, I missed, yet still managed to pull back my fist with force punching myself in the face . I now have a bloody fat lip . FML
TODAY, MAH FATHER CAME OVER TO MAH HOUSE. I REALIZED THERE WERE CONDOMS ON THE TABLE, SO I SUBTLY MOVED A VASE TO HIDE THEM. HE THEN GAVE ME AN UNAMUSED LOOK AN SAID ( I KNOW YOU HAVE SEX. YOU'VE BEEN MARRIED FOR NINE YEARS. GROW THE FUCK UP, DUMBASS. ) FML
Today , I got pulled over by a cop. Since mah window wasn't working , I opened the door , causing him to run towards me with a drawn gun. He then had a go at me with his night stick. After realizing mah window was broken , he laughed an let me off with a warning. FML
Today, I went to the park an sat down on a bench to enjoy mah coffee. I hered a few young girls behind me talking about how their first experience of sex was. I turned around to see how old these girls really were. One of them was mah daughter. FML
Today , I was at the grocery store with dad. He let out a very silent but foul abomination of a fart. The people behind us startd gagging , so he turnd , pointd at me and said ( That was daughter. ) FML
Friday 27 March 2015