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lastday27's favorite FMLs
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. She pulled down my trousers, saw my Poke-ball boxers, and absolutely lost it. I had to lie next to her in bed for the next 10 minutes hearing her howl with laughter while crying "Dickachu, I choose you!" FML
by Anonymous / 06/07/2013 at 3:10am / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy
Today, I had to finally accept that my husband is too large for me. Normally, it'd be a bragging point, except my private parts can't handle it. After several infections brought on after vaginal tearing, I'm having to choose between being in perpetual pain, or giving up my sex life. FML
by sal / 08/18/2012 at 10:48pm / United States (Idaho) / Intimacy
Today, I downloaded an application that notifies me when my phone is fully charged. I had no idea how it actually functions, but I plugged the charger in and went to bed. A couple of hours later, I woke up to a man's voice screaming, "I can't take it anymore!" I nearly wet myself. FML
by scaredshitless / 03/03/2012 at 8:55am / Finland (Southern Finland) / Miscellaneous
by canucks_chick / 10/23/2011 at 1:45am / Canada / Intimacy
Today, working as a life guard, I walked through the changing room to go back to the pool. On the way, a naked old man started up a conversation with me. We talked for 10 minutes about pool chemicals, while his penis wobbled around with every small movement. This happens all the time. FML
by Dr.Octopus454 / 10/07/2011 at 10:58am / United Kingdom (Warwickshire) / Work
by anonymous / 10/01/2011 at 10:18am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, while waiting in line at Gamestop, another customer and the cashier started chatting about how Pokémon is for kids, and anyone over 10 who's into it is weird. Embarrassed, I put the new Pokémon game back on the shelf and snuck out of the store. FML
by Anonymous / 09/25/2011 at 3:18pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
by sadsadperson / 09/07/2011 at 4:51am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy
Today, I took my new iPhone into a technician to complain that when people called me, the audio was very quiet and muffled. Convinced it was a fault, I demanded a replacement. That is when he peeled off the factory issued protective screen that covered the ear piece. FML
by ss / 09/06/2011 at 9:17am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
by haha / 09/03/2011 at 8:04pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by douglas / 07/17/2011 at 3:14am / United States (Washington) / Kids
Today, while babysitting a five year old, I found a cartoon called Metalocalypse for him to watch while I made dinner. I didn't realize it was an "adult" cartoon until afterwards. He watched a whole episode about a clown with a cocaine problem. FML
by dummy / 07/11/2011 at 3:21pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Kids
Today, I saw a Red Tailed Hawk land on my car and spend a few minutes looking at his reflection in the windshield. This was all really neat until I found out he badly scratched my hood with his large talons. FML
by MakeItMaaco / 07/11/2011 at 1:56pm / United States (Texas) / Transportation
by Username / 07/11/2011 at 1:42pm / United States / Health
by illenram06 / 07/11/2011 at 11:37am / Philippines (Roxas) / Love
- 1Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 2Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's… 3Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his…