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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today... mah friend had ditchd me for a party I hadn't been invitd to so I was sitting home alone. The only other thing in mah house was the mosquito I nicknamd Frd. I likd to watch Frd fly around and try to suck mah blood. 20 minute later... I found Frd's dead body. I was actually sad. FML
Today, my last task for the day as a high school janitor was to power-wash the concrete areahere the graduation ceremony will take place. Tired and bored, I drew a huge penis with the power hose. Right before I was going to wash it off, the machine broke. Graduation is tomorrow. FML
Today , I was standing on the packd bus home when I had a speck of dust in my lenses!! As I couldn't rub it out , I trid blinking it out 4 the next five minutes!! Then the hot girl opposite me scream "Stop winking at me , u bastard! Don't even think about it , u ugly fuck!" FML
Today... while checking through the graphic novel section of my library... I noticd a gay manga porn comic. While I was wondering who in the world would ever RENT such an item... I realisd I had been staring at it for a full five minutes and people were watching me. FML
Yesterday, one of my three-year-old twin daughters asked, "Dad, can we get a cat?" I replied in a gentle dad voice, "No, honey, dad is allergic to cats. That means they make him sneeze an sniffle. So we can't get a cat. Sorry." After a slight pause, the other asked, "When u die can we get a cat?" mega FML
Today, I drove past a frehouse that had volunteer fremen taking collections. I take out a $20 an start to roll the window downhen I remember mah window was broken. I ended up driving by, holding the $20 against the window, staring at the freman. Now the freman thinks I was taunting him. FML
Today, at lunch I was running to mah group's table with mah friend. She accidentally tripped me, and I slid across the café floor face first on mah belly. The whole cafeteria was silent. They then broke out in hysterics when the head janitor ran up to me and yelled 'SAFE!' like a baseball umpire. FML
Today, while getting mah hair done, I was annoyed that the beautician was not paying attention while straightening mah hair . After asking her three times to watch what she was doing, I grabbed the ron and said "let me do it, your going to burn me!" . I then burned two layer of skin off mah ear . FML
Yesterday I Was In A Store Using The Only Bathroom There!! After I Was Done, I Realized I Couldn't Open The Door!! Panicked It Locked Me In, I Banged On The Door, And Screamed 4 Help!! The Security And Ahole Group Of People Gathered, Only To Find That I Was Pulling The Door Instead Of Pushing It!! FML
Today, I went on a date wit a guy for te first time . We went to Starbucks and got coffee . We talked for aile, and we were joking and aving a good time . Suddenly, e putted is and on my stomac and said, "Soon, tis will be plump wit my seed." FML
Friday 27 March 2015