Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

laden_swallow09

Online | Search for a member

laden_swallow09

6Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 6548
  • Number of comments : 2112
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 12 posted

About laden_swallow09 : They updated the App, so I can read my hate mail! Yay!

I really wish I could take back my FYL or YDI votes, since I tend to miss the button I'm aiming for.

laden_swallow09's page activity

Visits<b>denardo</b> - 3 hours ago<b>3051628</b> - 3 hours ago<b>marcus3695</b> - 3 hours ago<b>JasperWrecks</b> - 4 hours ago<b>sarah5745</b> - 5 hours ago<b>gf53</b> - 5 hours ago<b>DerpMcHerp</b> - 6 hours ago<b>Cupcake040</b> - 7 hours ago<b>footcheezeez</b> - 8 hours ago<b>cinskeep43</b> - 9 hours ago<b>zacleon</b> - 9 hours ago<b>riffehunter</b> - 9 hours ago<b>Zx_MaSsAcRe_xZ</b> - 11 hours ago<b>GroupWorkSucks</b> - 11 hours ago<b>neeni88</b> - 11 hours ago<b>ClockworkPoleaxe</b> - 17 hours ago<b>rosha267</b> - 23 hours ago<b>123ika</b> - yesterday at 3:41pm

Liked!<b>AKlife9999</b> - the 10/16/2014 at 3:35pm<b>swagmaster696969</b> - the 10/06/2014 at 7:24pm<b>jenamalone</b> - the 10/06/2014 at 5:17pm<b>okibi1</b> - the 10/05/2014 at 10:38pm<b>sarah5745</b> - the 10/05/2014 at 8:50pm<b>JayDay_123</b> - the 10/05/2014 at 6:01pm

laden_swallow09's FML badges

You sure know how to party?

You posted a comment on the 31st of December between 11pm and 1am. Happy New Year!

I’m your new creative director

You had to give your opinion on this new “piece” that the whole world is talking about.

The rules are the rules

Reading the comment rules is a really good idea. This badge is sponsored by our moderating team.

See all of laden_swallow09's badges

laden_swallow09's favorite FMLs

Today, I dreamed that I was making out with a cute girl. Just as I was about to take it to the next level, she suddenly burst into tears and said, "I'm sorry, I can't do this." I can't even get laid in my dreams. FML

#16609106
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54385) - you deserved it (6844)

On 06/11/2011 at 10:24am - intimacy - by Ryan - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I found out that as a supervisor, if you reprimand a female worker and end the conversation with "Now get back to making sandwiches." your boss will consider it sexism and suspend you. I work at Subway. FML

#16589228
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50291) - you deserved it (7814)

On 06/10/2011 at 1:01am - work - by MakeMeASandwich (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my boyfriend and I tried to give his cat medicine. Unfortunately, it reacted in a way it never had before: clawed his arms to bits, bit him so hard a tooth fell out, peed everywhere, including on me, and pooped on the carpet. FML

#16574286
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29921) - you deserved it (5407)

On 06/09/2011 at 3:20am - animals - by CatLady (woman) - United States (California)

Today, after being laid off for over a year, I got turned down for an unpaid internship. I can't even get people to let me work for free. FML

#16561616
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29094) - you deserved it (3072)

On 06/08/2011 at 12:10pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, after spending thousands of dollars and several years pursuing a higher education so I could get a high paying job doing something that requires skill and brainpower, I finally got my first job offer after months of searching. I will be cleaning houses. FML

#16546066
224 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35282) - you deserved it (5272)

On 06/07/2011 at 1:05pm - work - by disappointed (woman) - United States (Idaho)

Today, Twilight once again won all the awards at MTV, beating out Inception, Toy Story 3, Harry Potter, etc. This is MY generation. FML

#16524791
575 comments

I agree, your life sucks (96914) - you deserved it (10719)

On 06/06/2011 at 2:27am - misc - by KillMeNow (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I signed up for an online dating site. In order to prove I was human and complete my registration, I had to pass a CAPTCHA. Coincidentally enough, the words in it were "depressed" and "loser". FML

#16515986
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29663) - you deserved it (7031)

On 06/05/2011 at 4:31pm - love - by Jakub89 - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I bought a dog to make me feel less lonely. He ran away. FML

#16512093
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51490) - you deserved it (7457)

On 06/05/2011 at 8:23am - love - by Loveless - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my five year old daughter asked me what a divorce was. When I asked why she wanted to know, she replied with "Daddy wants one. He says you can have me." FML

#16508942
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62983) - you deserved it (3695)

On 06/05/2011 at 1:17am - love - by dumped - United States (Utah)

Today, my family went and visited my nan. She ushered me in close and asked, "When are you going to knock it off with all this emo cockshite?" FML

#16499579
298 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14211) - you deserved it (42229)

On 06/04/2011 at 2:09pm - misc - by Flarewolf (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, whilst at my job as a lifeguard, a small child decided he couldn't hold it any longer and released his bowels in the pool. It was my job to clean up his dump, including the floating pieces of sweetcorn. FML

#16474774
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35780) - you deserved it (2870)

On 06/02/2011 at 9:44pm - work - by corn - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, I flew home to Germany to see my wife before I'm deployed, only to find her in bed with another guy. She explained that she wants us to stay together, but she can't take a year without being intimate with someone. FML

#16468049
284 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52751) - you deserved it (4778)

On 06/02/2011 at 1:39pm - intimacy - by jsalmons - Germany (Bayern)

Today, I gave my husband an ultimatum: either he could have sex with me or play Minecraft. Needless to say, he spent the rest of the evening playing Minecraft. FML

#16467610
389 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35858) - you deserved it (13085)

On 06/02/2011 at 12:52pm - intimacy - by minecraftwilldie - United States (Illinois)

Today, while I was in the shower, my curious cat jumped in. She decided she really doesn't like showers and to avoid getting wet, used my naked body as a makeshift tree. FML

#16467206
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31380) - you deserved it (4108)

On 06/02/2011 at 12:06pm - animals - by brittaneejanex - United States

Today, I applied for a dental insurance that claims "you cannot be denied". I was denied. FML

#16464062
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29459) - you deserved it (3094)

On 06/02/2011 at 3:26am - health - by Anonymous - United States



Zach Stafford's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Zach's illustrated FML
  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: