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laden_swallow09

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laden_swallow09

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laden_swallow09laden_swallow09
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 9126
  • Number of comments : 2451
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 13 posted

About laden_swallow09 : They updated the App, so I can read my hate mail! Yay!

I really wish I could take back some of my FYL or YDI votes, since I tend to miss the button I'm aiming for.

I like to point out stupidity whenever I see it. That's likely why you're here, innit?

Oh, yeah. I almost forgot…
HEIL, SPELLCHECK!

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Liked!<b>ChoolyBooly</b> - 24 hours ago<b>Christine_Junmin</b> - the 02/23/2015 at 8:01pm<b>coraline123c</b> - the 02/18/2015 at 3:49am<b>buckdharma</b> - the 01/29/2015 at 7:07pm<b>AKlife9999</b> - the 10/16/2014 at 3:35pm<b>swagmaster696969</b> - the 10/06/2014 at 7:24pm<b>jenamalone</b> - the 10/06/2014 at 5:17pm<b>okibi1</b> - the 10/05/2014 at 10:38pm<b>sarah5745</b> - the 10/05/2014 at 8:50pm<b>JayDay_123</b> - the 10/05/2014 at 6:01pm

laden_swallow09's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

What'cha looking at?

You have put three pictures on your profile, not necessarily pictures of your profile.

Who’s the fairest of them all?

This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.

See all of laden_swallow09's badges

laden_swallow09's favorite FMLs

Today, the man I love still thinks that female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one. FML

#17964830
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37754) - you deserved it (5599)

On 10/12/2011 at 12:26am - intimacy - by ksamp - United States (Arkansas)

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me for the first time. He stopped just as I was about to orgasm, and asked if I could finish by myself. Apparently he'd come up with a new algorithm for the Rubik's Cube on my desk and wanted to try it out. FML

#17892959
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37970) - you deserved it (4239)

On 10/03/2011 at 12:38am - intimacy - by Kayt (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I came home crying after my boyfriend dumped me for another girl. My dad told me to come tell him what was wrong. I sat down and let it all out, after which he looked up from his book, into my eyes, and gave me his loving advice: "Just cry about it and move on to another bastard." FML

#17889211
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24922) - you deserved it (7224)

On 10/02/2011 at 6:14pm - love - by bastard magnet - United States (California)

Today, I was at my job in the Halloween store. I had to tell someone, "Please stop hitting the Bieber wig with that pimp cane." FML

Today, the job search agency that I use asked me to stop sending in my resume, as no one had hired me in three years, and that the situation was unlikely to change. FML

#17862767
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25294) - you deserved it (3404)

On 09/29/2011 at 10:32am - work - by crushed (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my mother lectured me about going to the bar too often. She did this while rolling a joint. FML

#17854622
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32634) - you deserved it (5833)

On 09/28/2011 at 10:04am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, a man punched me for sleeping with his wife. Bewildered, I insisted I would never sleep with a married woman, to which he retorted "She wasn't my wife when it HAPPENED, dumbass!" I was assaulted for sleeping with my own girlfriend three years ago. FML

#17848518
246 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46682) - you deserved it (3592)

On 09/27/2011 at 3:53pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, desperate for my boyfriend to notice me for once, I started noisily masturbating while he was playing World of Warcraft. His response was to put his headphones on. FML

#17811635
331 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38481) - you deserved it (11383)

On 09/23/2011 at 6:41am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I caught my wife slipping penis enlargement pills into my coffee. FML

#17795601
271 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46468) - you deserved it (8277)

On 09/21/2011 at 1:20pm - intimacy - by ThisBlows (man) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I got kicked in the crotch. It popped my cherry. I lost my virginity to a shoe. FML

#17779717
427 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56450) - you deserved it (5573)

On 09/19/2011 at 10:39am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my school voted for a Pokémon theme for this year's homecoming. FML

#17773811
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33411) - you deserved it (16839)

On 09/18/2011 at 5:16pm - misc - by ohgodwhy - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my five year old ran down the street wearing nothing but flip flops, Star Wars underwear, and a baseball helmet. He was swinging a badminton racket while screaming "THIS IS SPARTA!" My neighbors watched laughing as I had to run after him down the street in my pajamas. FML

#17767423
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30916) - you deserved it (8426)

On 09/17/2011 at 9:20pm - kids - by awesomekidsmum - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went out on my back patio at night to skinny dip. I live on the intracoastal, and as I was walking towards my pool, the police were doing a random search. From a boat with a spotlight. At least their whistles told me they liked the birthday suit I had on. FML

#17749646
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19974) - you deserved it (8411)

On 09/15/2011 at 3:42am - misc - by Japaroni - United States

Today, I was online looking up ways to lose weight, get thinner and be healthier, all the while eating a slab of brownie that was half the size of my head. FML

#17743433
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7533) - you deserved it (47654)

On 09/14/2011 at 10:27am - health - by Fattymuch (woman) - India (Karnataka)

Today, I got home from work to find my wife asleep in her easy chair with my two year old son asleep in a pile of torn-up paper. I soon found out it was my 1960s collection of a Superman comic book series that I inherited from my dad. It was worth well over $2,000. FML

#17731995
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39089) - you deserved it (4636)

On 09/12/2011 at 10:15pm - kids - by Randy - United States (Alabama)



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