Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

laden_swallow09

Online | Search for a member

laden_swallow09

6Liked!

laden_swallow09laden_swallow09
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 7635
  • Number of comments : 2235
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 12 posted

About laden_swallow09 : They updated the App, so I can read my hate mail! Yay!

I really wish I could take back some of my FYL or YDI votes, since I tend to miss the button I'm aiming for.

I like to point out stupidity whenever I see it. That's likely why you're here, innit?

laden_swallow09's page activity

Visits<b>Ingalls9</b> - 16 hours ago<b>jerryj</b> - yesterday at 8:12am<b>LyonDetreny</b> - the 12/17/2014 at 2:49pm<b>jrod9327</b> - the 12/16/2014 at 11:49am<b>origamidragon</b> - the 12/15/2014 at 8:54pm<b>CVP3</b> - the 12/15/2014 at 12:41pm<b>Sexomancer</b> - the 12/15/2014 at 2:05am<b>RedPillSucks</b> - the 12/15/2014 at 1:41am<b>melons</b> - the 12/14/2014 at 7:13pm<b>Jetfrog28</b> - the 12/14/2014 at 4:35pm<b>jelenac</b> - the 12/14/2014 at 2:36pm<b>Mr_Guy_Dude</b> - the 12/14/2014 at 2:29pm<b>ohray</b> - the 12/12/2014 at 3:05pm<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 12/12/2014 at 11:57am<b>Ashd09</b> - the 12/11/2014 at 6:52pm<b>jsaw9509</b> - the 12/11/2014 at 1:18pm<b>Dramori</b> - the 12/11/2014 at 10:16am<b>grogers311</b> - the 12/11/2014 at 9:38am

Liked!<b>AKlife9999</b> - the 10/16/2014 at 3:35pm<b>swagmaster696969</b> - the 10/06/2014 at 7:24pm<b>jenamalone</b> - the 10/06/2014 at 5:17pm<b>okibi1</b> - the 10/05/2014 at 10:38pm<b>sarah5745</b> - the 10/05/2014 at 8:50pm<b>JayDay_123</b> - the 10/05/2014 at 6:01pm

laden_swallow09's FML badges

Who’s the fairest of them all?

This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.

You sure know how to party?

You posted a comment on the 31st of December between 11pm and 1am. Happy New Year!

I’m your new creative director

You had to give your opinion on this new “piece” that the whole world is talking about.

See all of laden_swallow09's badges

laden_swallow09's favorite FMLs

Today, my house got egged. Why? As a joke, my friend bought me a doormat that says, "A Canadian Lives Here." I'm Canadian. FML

#17547358
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24542) - you deserved it (4579)

On 08/22/2011 at 11:58am - misc - by socialdisease - United States (New York)

Today, my girlfriend sexted me for the first time in months. Half way through reading it I was getting kind of hot. Then I found a spelling mistake and all I could think to do was correct her. She won't talk to me. FML

#17525503
242 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10595) - you deserved it (69420)

On 08/20/2011 at 12:58am - intimacy - by KiDCuSHi - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I came home to find my house destroyed. I was so devastated, I cried. I had spent days hand-crafting the house to perfection, down to the finest detail. On Minecraft. FML

Today, I saw a cute girl working register at my regular coffee shop and politely asked the her for her number. I was brutally rejected. A few minutes later, a douchebag with a popped collar approached her with a cheesy pickup line and left with not only her number, but a free frappe. FML

#17431204
291 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35090) - you deserved it (5210)

On 08/10/2011 at 5:10pm - love - by 6u174r_d00d - United States

Today, I saw my brother's pregnant girlfriend smoking. Disgusted, I asked him why he didn't just stab her in the uterus and get it over with. He laughed like it was a joke, then cussed because he spilled his cereal. He's more concerned about spilled cereal than having a brain-damaged child. FML

#17424744
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32555) - you deserved it (9061)

On 08/10/2011 at 12:46am - health - by auntoftheyear - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I finally noticed that my wife only shaves her bush when she goes on "business trips." FML

#17414090
240 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54724) - you deserved it (4600)

On 08/09/2011 at 12:59am - intimacy - by ksmith - United States (Ohio)

Today, I realized that as a U.S. Marine in the infantry, I'm more afraid to talk to girls than I am of getting shot at. FML

#17352313
263 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40997) - you deserved it (5496)

On 08/03/2011 at 3:40am - love - by Tim - United States

Today, I got into an argument with a militantly feminist co-worker of mine. She threw several vulgar insults at me and debased the entire male gender before storming off. I'd only asked if she needed help while she was doing a crossword. FML

#17284232
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29976) - you deserved it (4635)

On 07/28/2011 at 6:51am - work - by Rick - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was browsing the web when I checked the search history. Turns out my son has been searching for "nude grills" and "hot grills." Not only is my 12-year-old son attempting to find porn on the internet, he also can't spell. FML

#17281952
241 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37505) - you deserved it (5605)

On 07/27/2011 at 10:02pm - intimacy - by Nickname (man) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I woke up to a scream downstairs. My 13 year-old daughter was trying to bite her little brother's neck. No matter how hard I try, she will not believe that she is NOT and NEVER WILL BE a vampire. FML

#17162129
471 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38205) - you deserved it (5700)

On 07/18/2011 at 11:17am - kids - by xBubbles38 - United States

Today, an argument broke out between me, my girlfriend, and her sister. They were trying to convince me that not only were fairies real, but there were "scientific facts" that "prove" their existence. My girlfriend's 20 and her sister teaches primary school. FML

#17148663
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28463) - you deserved it (4022)

On 07/17/2011 at 12:01pm - misc - by Fairymyass (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I caught a cab to take me to a hospital appointment. The driver turned around and told me I was in the Cash Cab. I got really excited and screamed. That is, until she laughed and said, "Just kidding. I always wanted to do that to someone." FML

#17128085
252 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34989) - you deserved it (8419)

On 07/15/2011 at 10:06pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, as a joke, I hid under my parents' bed, hoping to scare them when they came home. When they finally arrived, they burst through their bedroom door, tearing each other's clothes off. I had to keep my breath in time with my mom's panting and moaning as my dad brutally dominated her. FML

#17109043
426 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31035) - you deserved it (89865)

On 07/14/2011 at 3:35pm - intimacy - by gir - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I woke up to my pants off and my vibrator still on. I fell asleep masturbating. FML

#17080549
528 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20316) - you deserved it (52369)

On 07/12/2011 at 1:25pm - intimacy - by 44haley44 - United States

Today, after 8 years in exceptionally difficult veterinarian classes which put me $200,000 in debt, and 7 months of job searching, I finally got a job. I will be inspecting feces for worms while making minimum wage. FML

#17036883
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33362) - you deserved it (5022)

On 07/09/2011 at 1:59am - work - by dsbass09 - United States (Florida)



Bénédicte's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • The Xmas illustrated FML
  • Here we go, final lap before Christmas is finally upon us. Although, you could say we've been subjected to quite a few strains of Christmas already. The decorations are up since mid-August, and certain family…

Friday 19 December 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: