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laden_swallow09

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laden_swallow09

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 5632
  • Number of comments : 1992
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 12 posted

About laden_swallow09 : They updated the App, so I can read my hate mail! Yay!

I really wish I could take back my FYL or YDI votes, since I tend to miss the button I'm aiming for.

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laden_swallow09's favorite FMLs

Today, I saw a pink, slimy thing coming out of my dog's knob. I got really freaked out so I took him to the vet, only to find out that it was his penis. FML

#16926272
326 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8762) - you deserved it (57402)

On 06/30/2011 at 7:08pm - health - by budbunny13 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had the most exciting dream of my life. I was dreaming about catching a shiny charmander. I'm 15, and instead of dreaming of girls, I'm dreaming of Pokémon. FML

#16909818
462 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29784) - you deserved it (16563)

On 06/29/2011 at 1:47pm - misc - by wispywee - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I found out my new Commanding Officer is my ex-wife's new boyfriend. We're going on a two year tour at sea in two weeks. The reason we got a divorce is that she couldn't handle being tied down with someone in the Navy. FML

#16882996
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46421) - you deserved it (3017)

On 06/27/2011 at 3:20pm - love - by Drunken Sailor - United States (New York)

Today, I couldn't prove my son has had chickenpox, so his school gave us the option of getting a potentially dangerous shot he didn't need, pay for an expensive blood test to show that he previously had the virus, or sign a waiver stating I'm a religious nut refusing medical treatment. FML

#16822119
346 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27564) - you deserved it (6685)

On 06/23/2011 at 7:58pm - health - by CallMeJesusFreak (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had to go to a birthday party for 10 year old triplets. They've all been dead for more than 9 years. FML

#16755181
388 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39638) - you deserved it (5968)

On 06/20/2011 at 12:03am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I have an eight hour transatlantic flight and the person sitting next to me has already filled his third sick bag. This wouldn't be quite so bad were we not still at the terminal with passengers still boarding the plane. FML

#16714444
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31426) - you deserved it (2122)

On 06/17/2011 at 4:23pm - misc - by ajdown (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, my girlfriend smelt my penis after I got back from the gym. She was making sure it didn't smell like latex. I can't even go to the gym without her thinking I'm cheating on her. FML

#16700863
356 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42643) - you deserved it (9284)

On 06/16/2011 at 8:33pm - intimacy - by evomadrid24 - United States (California)

Today, I was working the register at our local McDonald's. After a strange man left a massive order, he said, "Can I pay you in gummy worms?" FML

#16690191
228 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33590) - you deserved it (3889)

On 06/16/2011 at 2:37am - work - by Hank Gummyworm - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was unbelievably horny so I sent a kinky text message to a boy I really like, only to receive the reply, "Not tonight, I'm raging Minecraft, having a wank, and going to sleep. Try again tomorrow." FML

#16667115
298 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36630) - you deserved it (14227)

On 06/14/2011 at 9:17pm - intimacy - by Username - United Kingdom (Lancashire)

Today, my friend sent me an online money transfer. After forgetting the password and locking myself out of my account, I had to phone up the bank and have it reset. I was prompted to answer the security question, which was "What, what?" I had to say "In the butt." to get my money. FML

#16661334
270 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12615) - you deserved it (57819)

On 06/14/2011 at 1:57pm - money - by notinthebutt (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was eating Star Wars gummy candies and I bit R2-D2 in half. My girlfriend looked at it and said "Oh look, now he's R1-D1". It was super cute, but I couldn't help thinking, "That's not how the numbering system works for droids." FML

#16657656
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13659) - you deserved it (47877)

On 06/14/2011 at 6:04am - misc - by techiefIve (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was eating Star Wars gummy candies and I bit R2-D2 in half. My girlfriend looked at it and said "Oh look, now he's R1-D1". It was super cute, but I couldn't help thinking, "That's not how the numbering system works for droids." FML

#16657656
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13659) - you deserved it (47877)

On 06/14/2011 at 6:04am - misc - by techiefIve (man) - United States (California)

Today, I realized that my boyfriend will only have sex with me if I am on my stomach and not revealing my face. FML

#16644448
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41245) - you deserved it (6276)

On 06/13/2011 at 1:05pm - intimacy - by sheyshey0413 - United States (Florida)

Today, I saw my brother on TV after 3 years of no contact. He was being arrested on Cops. FML

#16616782
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44148) - you deserved it (3625)

On 06/11/2011 at 8:54pm - misc - by Sarah (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I dreamed that I was making out with a cute girl. Just as I was about to take it to the next level, she suddenly burst into tears and said, "I'm sorry, I can't do this." I can't even get laid in my dreams. FML

#16609106
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54330) - you deserved it (6841)

On 06/11/2011 at 10:24am - intimacy - by Ryan - United States (Wisconsin)



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