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laden_swallow09

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laden_swallow09

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 5230
  • Number of comments : 1945
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 12 posted

About laden_swallow09 : They updated the App, so I can read my hate mail! Yay!

I really wish I could take back my FYL or YDI votes, since I tend to miss the button I'm aiming for.

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laden_swallow09's favorite FMLs

Today, my girlfriend smelt my penis after I got back from the gym. She was making sure it didn't smell like latex. I can't even go to the gym without her thinking I'm cheating on her. FML

#16700863
356 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42591) - you deserved it (9282)

On 06/16/2011 at 8:33pm - intimacy - by evomadrid24 - United States (California)

Today, I was working the register at our local McDonald's. After a strange man left a massive order, he said, "Can I pay you in gummy worms?" FML

#16690191
228 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33554) - you deserved it (3888)

On 06/16/2011 at 2:37am - work - by Hank Gummyworm - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was unbelievably horny so I sent a kinky text message to a boy I really like, only to receive the reply, "Not tonight, I'm raging Minecraft, having a wank, and going to sleep. Try again tomorrow." FML

#16667115
298 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36343) - you deserved it (14157)

On 06/14/2011 at 9:17pm - intimacy - by Username - United Kingdom (Lancashire)

Today, my friend sent me an online money transfer. After forgetting the password and locking myself out of my account, I had to phone up the bank and have it reset. I was prompted to answer the security question, which was "What, what?" I had to say "In the butt." to get my money. FML

#16661334
270 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12598) - you deserved it (57772)

On 06/14/2011 at 1:57pm - money - by notinthebutt (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was eating Star Wars gummy candies and I bit R2-D2 in half. My girlfriend looked at it and said "Oh look, now he's R1-D1". It was super cute, but I couldn't help thinking, "That's not how the numbering system works for droids." FML

#16657656
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13643) - you deserved it (47850)

On 06/14/2011 at 6:04am - misc - by techiefIve (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was eating Star Wars gummy candies and I bit R2-D2 in half. My girlfriend looked at it and said "Oh look, now he's R1-D1". It was super cute, but I couldn't help thinking, "That's not how the numbering system works for droids." FML

#16657656
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13643) - you deserved it (47850)

On 06/14/2011 at 6:04am - misc - by techiefIve (man) - United States (California)

Today, I realized that my boyfriend will only have sex with me if I am on my stomach and not revealing my face. FML

#16644448
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41205) - you deserved it (6268)

On 06/13/2011 at 1:05pm - intimacy - by sheyshey0413 - United States (Florida)

Today, I saw my brother on TV after 3 years of no contact. He was being arrested on Cops. FML

#16616782
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44106) - you deserved it (3623)

On 06/11/2011 at 8:54pm - misc - by Sarah (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I dreamed that I was making out with a cute girl. Just as I was about to take it to the next level, she suddenly burst into tears and said, "I'm sorry, I can't do this." I can't even get laid in my dreams. FML

#16609106
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54282) - you deserved it (6838)

On 06/11/2011 at 10:24am - intimacy - by Ryan - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I found out that as a supervisor, if you reprimand a female worker and end the conversation with "Now get back to making sandwiches." your boss will consider it sexism and suspend you. I work at Subway. FML

#16589228
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50177) - you deserved it (7796)

On 06/10/2011 at 1:01am - work - by MakeMeASandwich (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my boyfriend and I tried to give his cat medicine. Unfortunately, it reacted in a way it never had before: clawed his arms to bits, bit him so hard a tooth fell out, peed everywhere, including on me, and pooped on the carpet. FML

#16574286
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29665) - you deserved it (5383)

On 06/09/2011 at 3:20am - animals - by CatLady (woman) - United States (California)

Today, after being laid off for over a year, I got turned down for an unpaid internship. I can't even get people to let me work for free. FML

#16561616
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29001) - you deserved it (3071)

On 06/08/2011 at 12:10pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, after spending thousands of dollars and several years pursuing a higher education so I could get a high paying job doing something that requires skill and brainpower, I finally got my first job offer after months of searching. I will be cleaning houses. FML

#16546066
225 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35195) - you deserved it (5269)

On 06/07/2011 at 1:05pm - work - by disappointed (woman) - United States (Idaho)

Today, Twilight once again won all the awards at MTV, beating out Inception, Toy Story 3, Harry Potter, etc. This is MY generation. FML

#16524791
576 comments

I agree, your life sucks (95390) - you deserved it (10460)

On 06/06/2011 at 2:27am - misc - by KillMeNow (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I signed up for an online dating site. In order to prove I was human and complete my registration, I had to pass a CAPTCHA. Coincidentally enough, the words in it were "depressed" and "loser". FML

#16515986
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29575) - you deserved it (7022)

On 06/05/2011 at 4:31pm - love - by Jakub89 - Canada (Ontario)



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