Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

laden_swallow09

Online | Search for a member

laden_swallow09

6Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 6611
  • Number of comments : 2123
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 12 posted

About laden_swallow09 : They updated the App, so I can read my hate mail! Yay!

I really wish I could take back my FYL or YDI votes, since I tend to miss the button I'm aiming for.

laden_swallow09's page activity

Visits<b>doginSC</b> - 20 hours ago<b>MrSassypants</b> - 22 hours ago<b>TheDvsOne</b> - yesterday at 8:09am<b>ispeakspanish</b> - yesterday at 7:14am<b>DenverTyrrell</b> - yesterday at 2:03am<b>Door_Productions</b> - yesterday at 9:33pm<b>MikeFletch</b> - yesterday at 8:04pm<b>Mmmsushi</b> - yesterday at 4:40pm<b>Fluckgworl</b> - yesterday at 2:31pm<b>BunchieRules</b> - yesterday at 2:05pm<b>sdmarshall</b> - the 10/23/2014 at 8:26am<b>kionna_d</b> - the 10/23/2014 at 1:29am<b>denardo</b> - the 10/22/2014 at 4:52pm<b>3051628</b> - the 10/22/2014 at 4:20pm<b>marcus3695</b> - the 10/22/2014 at 4:17pm<b>JasperWrecks</b> - the 10/22/2014 at 3:10pm<b>sarah5745</b> - the 10/22/2014 at 2:38pm<b>gf53</b> - the 10/22/2014 at 2:12pm

Liked!<b>AKlife9999</b> - the 10/16/2014 at 3:35pm<b>swagmaster696969</b> - the 10/06/2014 at 7:24pm<b>jenamalone</b> - the 10/06/2014 at 5:17pm<b>okibi1</b> - the 10/05/2014 at 10:38pm<b>sarah5745</b> - the 10/05/2014 at 8:50pm<b>JayDay_123</b> - the 10/05/2014 at 6:01pm

laden_swallow09's FML badges

You sure know how to party?

You posted a comment on the 31st of December between 11pm and 1am. Happy New Year!

I’m your new creative director

You had to give your opinion on this new “piece” that the whole world is talking about.

The rules are the rules

Reading the comment rules is a really good idea. This badge is sponsored by our moderating team.

See all of laden_swallow09's badges

laden_swallow09's favorite FMLs

Today, I found my "lost" bicycle in my best friend's garage. I've been having to catch two buses to get to work for the past few months. FML

#18029940
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23693) - you deserved it (2557)

On 10/20/2011 at 7:51am - misc - by jwhizzle - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, after having had sex with my girlfriend for the first time the night before, she went to the doctor. He said she's still physically a virgin. FML

#18015213
322 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51112) - you deserved it (8046)

On 10/18/2011 at 1:34pm - intimacy - by Mini-wanker (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend and I were going to have sex for the first time. He didn't know how to take off my bra and insisted that he'd figure it out on his own. He gave up a couple seconds later and played video games instead. FML

#18012444
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37303) - you deserved it (5740)

On 10/18/2011 at 12:50am - intimacy - by Unknown - United States (California)

Today, the man I love still thinks that female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one. FML

#17964830
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37611) - you deserved it (5581)

On 10/12/2011 at 12:26am - intimacy - by ksamp - United States (Arkansas)

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me for the first time. He stopped just as I was about to orgasm, and asked if I could finish by myself. Apparently he'd come up with a new algorithm for the Rubik's Cube on my desk and wanted to try it out. FML

#17892959
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36756) - you deserved it (4123)

On 10/03/2011 at 12:38am - intimacy - by Kayt (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I came home crying after my boyfriend dumped me for another girl. My dad told me to come tell him what was wrong. I sat down and let it all out, after which he looked up from his book, into my eyes, and gave me his loving advice: "Just cry about it and move on to another bastard." FML

#17889211
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24778) - you deserved it (7208)

On 10/02/2011 at 6:14pm - love - by bastard magnet - United States (California)

Today, I was at my job in the Halloween store. I had to tell someone, "Please stop hitting the Bieber wig with that pimp cane." FML

Today, the job search agency that I use asked me to stop sending in my resume, as no one had hired me in three years, and that the situation was unlikely to change. FML

#17862767
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24020) - you deserved it (3279)

On 09/29/2011 at 10:32am - work - by crushed (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my mother lectured me about going to the bar too often. She did this while rolling a joint. FML

#17854622
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31148) - you deserved it (5635)

On 09/28/2011 at 10:04am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, a man punched me for sleeping with his wife. Bewildered, I insisted I would never sleep with a married woman, to which he retorted "She wasn't my wife when it HAPPENED, dumbass!" I was assaulted for sleeping with my own girlfriend three years ago. FML

#17848518
243 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46524) - you deserved it (3584)

On 09/27/2011 at 3:53pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, desperate for my boyfriend to notice me for once, I started noisily masturbating while he was playing World of Warcraft. His response was to put his headphones on. FML

#17811635
329 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38324) - you deserved it (11352)

On 09/23/2011 at 6:41am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I caught my wife slipping penis enlargement pills into my coffee. FML

#17795601
273 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45653) - you deserved it (8187)

On 09/21/2011 at 1:20pm - intimacy - by ThisBlows (man) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I got kicked in the crotch. It popped my cherry. I lost my virginity to a shoe. FML

#17779717
426 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55683) - you deserved it (5494)

On 09/19/2011 at 10:39am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my school voted for a Pokémon theme for this year's homecoming. FML

#17773811
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33290) - you deserved it (16795)

On 09/18/2011 at 5:16pm - misc - by ohgodwhy - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my five year old ran down the street wearing nothing but flip flops, Star Wars underwear, and a baseball helmet. He was swinging a badminton racket while screaming "THIS IS SPARTA!" My neighbors watched laughing as I had to run after him down the street in my pajamas. FML

#17767423
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29520) - you deserved it (8248)

On 09/17/2011 at 9:20pm - kids - by awesomekidsmum - Canada (Ontario)



FML's blog

  • Krumla's Illustrated FML
  • It's Friday, so a bold font is required. I was sitting in my caravan by the side of busy road cooking cocktail sausages over a gas stove when I realised it was time to start writing something about this…

Friday 24 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: