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laden_swallow09

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laden_swallow09
  • Town/Country : Redneckville, USA
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 3996
  • Number of comments : 1818
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 12 posted

About laden_swallow09 : They updated the App, so I can read my hate mail! Yay!

I really wish I could take back my FYL or YDI votes, since I tend to miss the button I'm aiming for.

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laden_swallow09's favorite FMLs

Today, whilst at my job as a lifeguard, a small child decided he couldn't hold it any longer and released his bowels in the pool. It was my job to clean up his dump, including the floating pieces of sweetcorn. FML

#16474774
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30783) - you deserved it (2133)

On 06/02/2011 at 9:44pm - work - by corn - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, I flew home to Germany to see my wife before I'm deployed, only to find her in bed with another guy. She explained that she wants us to stay together, but she can't take a year without being intimate with someone. FML

#16468049
283 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50729) - you deserved it (4615)

On 06/02/2011 at 1:39pm - intimacy - by jsalmons - Germany (Bayern)

Today, I gave my husband an ultimatum: either he could have sex with me or play Minecraft. Needless to say, he spent the rest of the evening playing Minecraft. FML

#16467610
384 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34486) - you deserved it (12645)

On 06/02/2011 at 12:52pm - intimacy - by minecraftwilldie - United States (Illinois)

Today, while I was in the shower, my curious cat jumped in. She decided she really doesn't like showers and to avoid getting wet, used my naked body as a makeshift tree. FML

#16467206
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26636) - you deserved it (3114)

On 06/02/2011 at 12:06pm - animals - by brittaneejanex - United States

Today, I applied for a dental insurance that claims "you cannot be denied". I was denied. FML

#16464062
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26249) - you deserved it (2821)

On 06/02/2011 at 3:26am - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was slammed onto my car, thrown on the ground, and arrested for outstanding warrants from 1979. I was born in 1992. FML

#16449288
276 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61497) - you deserved it (3349)

On 06/01/2011 at 9:30am - misc - by aarone23 - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I was slammed onto my car, thrown on the ground, and arrested for outstanding warrants from 1979. I was born in 1992. FML

#16449288
276 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61497) - you deserved it (3349)

On 06/01/2011 at 9:30am - misc - by aarone23 - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, while I was sleeping, my girlfriend took my phone and set the ringtone to a bloodcurdling scream. I found this out when I received a call while driving to work and, thinking someone was being murdered in my backseat, I panicked and swerved into a parked car. FML

#16448607
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32002) - you deserved it (4042)

On 06/01/2011 at 7:53am - misc - by iscreamforicecream (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was on my third date with a really hot girl. A guy walked by singing the Pokémon theme song. She started making fun of the guy, mocking his immaturity. I joined in order to keep the conversation going. Everything was going great but then my phone rang. It was the Pokémon theme song. FML

#16435078
488 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13607) - you deserved it (69121)

On 05/31/2011 at 1:05pm - love - by chickennbenchpress (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I'm too sunburned to masturbate. Now I have nothing to do. FML

#16432194
267 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18973) - you deserved it (60903)

On 05/31/2011 at 7:21am - intimacy - by Anonymous -

Today, it was the last day of school. My students shared what they thought of me. Expecting to hear wonderful things, all of their complaints can be summed up in a few words: I'm a liar, a killer of dreams, I need to grow up, and I was a big disappointment to them. I'm a first-year teacher. FML

#16425645
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26203) - you deserved it (12003)

On 05/30/2011 at 9:59pm - work - by sashimieater - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I made a fresh juice for a customer. He called the cops because the juice was too acidic for him. He sat in a corner and waited for two hours for them to arrive. Obviously, they didn't turn up. So he yelled at me and left. FML

#16367942
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31488) - you deserved it (2623)

On 05/27/2011 at 1:46am - work - by Alice - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, at work, there was a police officer waiting for me. Bewildered, I asked what the problem was. Someone had shot fireworks at cars in the parking lot and I was a suspect. Why? Ponytails on men apparently look suspicious. FML

#16349458
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23827) - you deserved it (13165)

On 05/25/2011 at 10:10pm - work - by wtffireworks! - United States

Today, I had to explain to my sobbing teenage daughter why you can't get pregnant from masturbating. FML

#16331288
264 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45803) - you deserved it (6807)

On 05/24/2011 at 6:29pm - intimacy - by asnolt (man) - United States (California)

Today, my AP teacher once again accused me of plagiarism. Apparently the words "demise," "ultimately," and "rural," are too sophisticated for an 11th grade AP student to use and MUST have been copied from the Internet. FML

#16311438
279 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43005) - you deserved it (2680)

On 05/23/2011 at 10:35am - misc - by dumbteacher -



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