Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

laden_swallow09

Offline (15 minutes ago) | Search for a member

laden_swallow09

6Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 6559
  • Number of comments : 2112
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 12 posted

About laden_swallow09 : They updated the App, so I can read my hate mail! Yay!

I really wish I could take back my FYL or YDI votes, since I tend to miss the button I'm aiming for.

laden_swallow09's page activity

Visits<b>kionna_d</b> - 6 hours ago<b>denardo</b> - 15 hours ago<b>3051628</b> - 16 hours ago<b>marcus3695</b> - 16 hours ago<b>JasperWrecks</b> - 17 hours ago<b>sarah5745</b> - 17 hours ago<b>gf53</b> - 18 hours ago<b>DerpMcHerp</b> - 19 hours ago<b>Cupcake040</b> - 19 hours ago<b>footcheezeez</b> - 21 hours ago<b>cinskeep43</b> - 21 hours ago<b>zacleon</b> - 22 hours ago<b>riffehunter</b> - 22 hours ago<b>Zx_MaSsAcRe_xZ</b> - 23 hours ago<b>GroupWorkSucks</b> - 23 hours ago<b>neeni88</b> - 24 hours ago<b>ClockworkPoleaxe</b> - yesterday at 2:52am<b>rosha267</b> - yesterday at 8:56pm

Liked!<b>AKlife9999</b> - the 10/16/2014 at 3:35pm<b>swagmaster696969</b> - the 10/06/2014 at 7:24pm<b>jenamalone</b> - the 10/06/2014 at 5:17pm<b>okibi1</b> - the 10/05/2014 at 10:38pm<b>sarah5745</b> - the 10/05/2014 at 8:50pm<b>JayDay_123</b> - the 10/05/2014 at 6:01pm

laden_swallow09's FML badges

You sure know how to party?

You posted a comment on the 31st of December between 11pm and 1am. Happy New Year!

I’m your new creative director

You had to give your opinion on this new “piece” that the whole world is talking about.

The rules are the rules

Reading the comment rules is a really good idea. This badge is sponsored by our moderating team.

See all of laden_swallow09's badges

laden_swallow09's favorite FMLs

Today, I discovered that my daughter refuses to eat, but not because she's anorexic. Apparently, her health class has learned about the digestive system and now she refuses to "take part in something so gross." FML

#19530621
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23747) - you deserved it (2228)

On 04/26/2012 at 12:36am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I had to explain to a potential client that I wouldn't represent him, because suing his neighbor for calling him a pansy would get us laughed out of court and likely get me disbarred. His response was to get violent and threaten to sue me for violating his civil rights. FML

#19528006
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21866) - you deserved it (1808)

On 04/25/2012 at 4:50pm - work - by A Henderson (man) - United States

Today, I was trolling in a chat room when someone said, quote: "He's just a no-life, unemployed loser still living in his mom's basement. Probably spends all day stroking his tiny dong and fantasizing about having a real girlfriend." I actually started crying because it was so accurate. FML

#19517748
258 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13503) - you deserved it (48454)

On 04/23/2012 at 6:06pm - misc - by pathetic (man) - Poland (Mazowieckie)

Today, some Juggalos mocked me for the way I was dressed. Juggalos giving sartorial advice, really? FML

#19491584
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15777) - you deserved it (3169)

On 04/18/2012 at 7:08pm - misc - by amazed (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I came home from work to find my kids playing Frisbee with my collection of rare, valuable vinyl records. The term "smash hit record" took on a whole new meaning. FML

#19488464
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24085) - you deserved it (2404)

On 04/18/2012 at 2:57am - kids - by ChampionshipVinyl - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while I was in the midst of the most mind-blowing shower sex ever, the fire alarm went off. My girlfriend had left the stove top on and the entire kitchen had caught on fire. So instead of finishing, I frantically ran around naked trying to douse the flames. FML

#19484170
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26888) - you deserved it (3844)

On 04/17/2012 at 2:13pm - intimacy - by blocked_by_fire (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, while I was in the midst of the most mind-blowing shower sex ever, the fire alarm went off. My girlfriend had left the stove top on and the entire kitchen had caught on fire. So instead of finishing, I frantically ran around naked trying to douse the flames. FML

#19484170
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26888) - you deserved it (3844)

On 04/17/2012 at 2:13pm - intimacy - by blocked_by_fire (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I found out that my daughter has been watching Supernatural and The X-Files so she'll fit in better at school. I'm not even angry that she's suddenly a brain-dead conformist, it's just that she now has nightmares all the time and insists on sleeping in my bed. She's a kicker. FML

#19479496
264 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19545) - you deserved it (5083)

On 04/16/2012 at 6:00pm - kids - by orangechicken (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, after years of secretly faking my orgasms, my husband gave me my first real one. Afterward was also the first time he ever accused me of faking it because, "It was different from all the other times." FML

#19423040
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13766) - you deserved it (40495)

On 04/07/2012 at 11:27am - intimacy - by anonomous - United States

Today, after years of secretly faking my orgasms, my husband gave me my first real one. Afterward was also the first time he ever accused me of faking it because, "It was different from all the other times." FML

#19423040
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13766) - you deserved it (40495)

On 04/07/2012 at 11:27am - intimacy - by anonomous - United States

Today, I went to McDonalds and ordered a happy meal with a girl's toy. The high school girls behind the counter said I was too old to be served one, and I had to go home and explain to my sick daughter why she didn't get her toy. FML

#19401139
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39320) - you deserved it (4539)

On 04/03/2012 at 1:48pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Arizona)

Today, I went to McDonalds and ordered a happy meal with a girl's toy. The high school girls behind the counter said I was too old to be served one, and I had to go home and explain to my sick daughter why she didn't get her toy. FML

#19401139
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39320) - you deserved it (4539)

On 04/03/2012 at 1:48pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Arizona)

Today, I walked in on a homeless guy peeing on a turd on the floor of the women's restroom at the park. I'm a janitor for the city. FML

#19393647
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23083) - you deserved it (1999)

On 04/02/2012 at 4:38am - work - by minimum wage (man) - Canada

Today, I had to sit in the hospital with my 88-year-old grandfather by myself. During the five hours I was there, he insisted on sharing the intimate details of his many sexcapades that he has had since World War II. FML

#19375039
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22169) - you deserved it (2611)

On 03/30/2012 at 7:32am - intimacy - by kawood (woman) - United States

Today, I felt manly. I spent almost the entire day peeling paint, power sanding, and applying Spackle for my grandma. Strutting with masculinity, I headed for the shower, only to let out a womanly yelp at a spider hanging at eye level around a corner. Manliness gone. FML

#19372815
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11168) - you deserved it (19894)

On 03/29/2012 at 9:54pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)



Zach Stafford's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Zach's illustrated FML
  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: