Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

laden_swallow09

Offline (7 hours ago) | Search for a member

laden_swallow09

6Liked!

laden_swallow09laden_swallow09
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 6965
  • Number of comments : 2179
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 12 posted

About laden_swallow09 : They updated the App, so I can read my hate mail! Yay!

I really wish I could take back some of my FYL or YDI votes, since I tend to miss the button I'm aiming for.

I like to point out stupidity whenever I see it. That's likely why you're here, innit?

laden_swallow09's page activity

Visits<b>fml_Rambo</b> - 18 hours ago<b>3051628</b> - the 11/12/2014 at 11:15am<b>LittleRed79</b> - the 11/12/2014 at 9:23am<b>kerstileann</b> - the 11/09/2014 at 8:48am<b>Miss_Brii</b> - the 11/08/2014 at 12:33pm<b>HackNSlashHD</b> - the 11/07/2014 at 9:24pm<b>ozozl</b> - the 11/07/2014 at 5:49pm<b>Azpy</b> - the 11/07/2014 at 4:53pm<b>APH_Italy</b> - the 11/06/2014 at 4:09pm<b>imbetterthanyoo</b> - the 11/06/2014 at 3:05pm<b>shadow_heart_13</b> - the 11/06/2014 at 9:59am<b>stonedfly3</b> - the 11/06/2014 at 3:11am<b>Liyuesigs</b> - the 11/06/2014 at 12:01am<b>DubiousDude69</b> - the 11/05/2014 at 10:56pm<b>Raleaf</b> - the 11/05/2014 at 10:56pm<b>HairIsEverything</b> - the 11/05/2014 at 1:20pm<b>iLike2Teabag</b> - the 11/05/2014 at 10:44am<b>LG33</b> - the 11/04/2014 at 10:22pm

Liked!<b>AKlife9999</b> - the 10/16/2014 at 3:35pm<b>swagmaster696969</b> - the 10/06/2014 at 7:24pm<b>jenamalone</b> - the 10/06/2014 at 5:17pm<b>okibi1</b> - the 10/05/2014 at 10:38pm<b>sarah5745</b> - the 10/05/2014 at 8:50pm<b>JayDay_123</b> - the 10/05/2014 at 6:01pm

laden_swallow09's FML badges

Who’s the fairest of them all?

This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.

You sure know how to party?

You posted a comment on the 31st of December between 11pm and 1am. Happy New Year!

I’m your new creative director

You had to give your opinion on this new “piece” that the whole world is talking about.

See all of laden_swallow09's badges

laden_swallow09's favorite FMLs

Today, at work, I was forced to nod and smile as a pregnant, fifteen-year-old, brain-dead Jersey Shore wannabe cussed me out for being rude by using words from a "foreign language" during our conversation. I used the word "pretentious." FML

#20015372
314 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33389) - you deserved it (2065)

On 08/11/2012 at 3:37pm - work - by mikeissad (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, one of the human turds that I stupidly added on Facebook posted how terrible her life is after her dad refused to arrange yet another holiday for her this year, so I bitched her out for being such a spoiled little brat. A few hours later, her boyfriend came over and beat the shit out of me. FML

#19996782
307 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27842) - you deserved it (31434)

On 08/01/2012 at 4:59pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Bedfordshire)

Today, after rolling my car on the highway, I witnessed several people stop and get out of their cars to take pictures. No one asked if I was okay, and I was the one who had to call 911 for myself. FML

#19988721
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29023) - you deserved it (2050)

On 07/28/2012 at 5:56am - health - by Insomniac (woman) - United States (Alaska)

Today, my daughter proudly showed me her new tattoo sleeve, which is made up of an angry cupcake, hemp leaves, and a My Little Pony character. She's almost 30, still unemployed, and still lives in my home. I now have no hope of her ever becoming a productive member of society. FML

#19987541
231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24513) - you deserved it (7251)

On 07/27/2012 at 3:04pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Norway (Ostfold)

Today, everyone found out about the strange but intense fetish I have for women physically lifting me. It all came out when my friend, a female bodybuilder, decided to grab and pick me up for a laugh. I came in my pants, in front of about twenty people. FML

#19983416
249 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38325) - you deserved it (8188)

On 07/25/2012 at 12:51pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I told my boyfriend I wanted to spice up our sex life. He suggested incorporating bacon. He was serious. FML

#19959638
249 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24812) - you deserved it (5588)

On 07/19/2012 at 4:29pm - intimacy - by cortanaisahobot - Canada (Ontario)

Today, when I woke up, I noticed something crawling on my bed. A white faced wasp was dragging the corpse of a rather large spider. I'm not sure what I was more disturbed about; the fact that the wasp was dragging something twice its size, or that these bugs even live in my house. FML

#19942968
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23888) - you deserved it (1800)

On 07/15/2012 at 10:00pm - misc - by klanciee - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I asked my teenage daughter to read off directions from my iPhone while I drove. She went on Instagram instead. We missed the turn by 32 miles. FML

#19929882
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26996) - you deserved it (6086)

On 07/12/2012 at 8:52pm - kids - by lostforlife - United States (Maine)

Today, my mom and I somehow got into a serious argument over the ethics of capturing and training Pokémon. FML

#19910380
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18600) - you deserved it (6725)

On 07/08/2012 at 5:03pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I found out that I'm allergic to bacon. FML

#19903031
306 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62512) - you deserved it (5043)

On 07/07/2012 at 12:45am - health - by Dammit - United States (California)

Today, I saw a large spider carry away the body of a dead spider in the bathroom. In my anthropology class, we learned one of the first signs of civilization is caring for the dead. First, they become civilized, and next, they take over. I will never sleep again. FML

Today, while at work, I witnessed a kid empty his bladder all over the floor. His mother walked over, looked at me, said "yep... that just happened" and dragged him away. I'm a 30-year-old man, four credits shy of a Master's, stuck cleaning up piss at a dead-end job. FML

#19867742
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23283) - you deserved it (2752)

On 06/29/2012 at 7:12pm - kids - by ihatewalmart (man) - United States

Today, my mother decided to share with me that my father is impotent, and they hadn't had sex in a year and a half. Thanks, Mom. I can never unhear that. FML

#19864219
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23203) - you deserved it (2612)

On 06/29/2012 at 1:31am - intimacy - by Christina (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I realized just how much of a bitch I am when I grounded my son for not telling me what he got me for my birthday. FML

#19861407
272 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6220) - you deserved it (80518)

On 06/28/2012 at 4:29pm - kids - by MeanMother - United States (Missouri)

Today, I realized just how much of a bitch I am when I grounded my son for not telling me what he got me for my birthday. FML

#19861407
272 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6220) - you deserved it (80518)

On 06/28/2012 at 4:29pm - kids - by MeanMother - United States (Missouri)



FML's blog

  • K'Naye's illustrated FML
  • Woohoo it's the weekend! Winter is all around some of us, but not in our hearts. To help fight off the cold and seasonal depression, this week we're taking a look at love and tenderness. It's what keeps…

Friday 21 November 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: