Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

laden_swallow09

Online | Search for a member

laden_swallow09

16Liked!

laden_swallow09laden_swallow09
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 9863
  • Number of comments : 2529
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 14 posted

About laden_swallow09 : They updated the App, so I can read my hate mail! Yay!

I really wish I could take back some of my FYL or YDI votes, since I tend to miss the button I'm aiming for.

I like to point out stupidity whenever I see it. That's likely why you're here, innit?

Oh, yeah. I almost forgot…
HEIL, SPELLCHECK!

laden_swallow09's page activity

Visits<b>EternalOptimist</b> - yesterday at 11:38am<b>okibi1</b> - yesterday at 11:05am<b>SoliDSt33L</b> - yesterday at 8:18am<b>3051628</b> - yesterday at 1:16am<b>MMSINCsidecars</b> - yesterday at 12:36am<b>mellingitisbloom</b> - yesterday at 12:11am<b>Setareh23</b> - yesterday at 11:57pm<b>cabub007</b> - the 03/27/2015 at 10:03am<b>rocker_chick23</b> - the 03/25/2015 at 12:36pm<b>annihil8or</b> - the 03/23/2015 at 12:26am<b>skobisco</b> - the 03/22/2015 at 8:56pm<b>TheTrainKid</b> - the 03/22/2015 at 4:44pm<b>hfudge</b> - the 03/22/2015 at 12:20am<b>fridaayy</b> - the 03/21/2015 at 4:44pm<b>kaitlinfree</b> - the 03/21/2015 at 1:37am<b>indigohippopo</b> - the 03/20/2015 at 11:26pm<b>Ingalls9</b> - the 03/20/2015 at 5:04pm<b>purelymixed</b> - the 03/20/2015 at 4:28pm

Liked!<b>TheTrainKid</b> - the 03/22/2015 at 9:44pm<b>Ingalls9</b> - the 03/20/2015 at 10:04pm<b>csjc</b> - the 03/16/2015 at 5:47am<b>demonddm</b> - the 03/07/2015 at 2:39pm<b>ksks1234</b> - the 03/05/2015 at 7:03pm<b>ChoolyBooly</b> - the 03/01/2015 at 6:20am<b>Christine_Junmin</b> - the 02/23/2015 at 8:01pm<b>coraline123c</b> - the 02/18/2015 at 3:49am<b>buckdharma</b> - the 01/29/2015 at 7:07pm<b>AKlife9999</b> - the 10/16/2014 at 3:35pm<b>swagmaster696969</b> - the 10/06/2014 at 7:24pm<b>jenamalone</b> - the 10/06/2014 at 5:17pm<b>okibi1</b> - the 10/05/2014 at 10:38pm<b>sarah5745</b> - the 10/05/2014 at 8:50pm<b>JayDay_123</b> - the 10/05/2014 at 6:01pm

laden_swallow09's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

What'cha looking at?

You have put three pictures on your profile, not necessarily pictures of your profile.

Who’s the fairest of them all?

This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.

See all of laden_swallow09's badges

laden_swallow09's favorite FMLs

Today, while at my job as a hairdresser, I was giving an elderly client a perm and I thought she'd fallen asleep. She'd died. FML

#20102415
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47896) - you deserved it (2004)

On 10/05/2012 at 1:49am - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to buy groceries while suffering horrible morning sickness. My nausea magnified as I stood in line behind an obese lady wearing a tank top and tiny short shorts. I lost everything in my stomach when she stuck her hand down her shorts and started scratching at her ass-crack. FML

#20101402
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26532) - you deserved it (2029)

On 10/04/2012 at 2:10pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I have so much ass-acne that it hurts to sit. FML

#20101066
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27051) - you deserved it (5569)

On 10/04/2012 at 5:33am - health - by Chamorru (man) - United States

Today, my teacher's comments on my essay read, "I know it's college, but you use a lot of unnecessary words with a lot of syllables." He basically scolded me for having a complex vocabulary. I go to an accredited state university. Nothing says "America" like under-achieving professors. FML

#20100352
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22898) - you deserved it (7387)

On 10/03/2012 at 7:00pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my neighbors discovered Gangnam Style. Ever since I moved in, they've had an obsession with getting wasted by noon and blasting out shitty music all through the evening. I could just about deal with their dubstep fixation before, but now I just want to blow my own head off. FML

#20100208
245 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19673) - you deserved it (4268)

On 10/03/2012 at 5:33pm - misc - by Can you say "bandwagon"? (man) - United States

Today, I came home to my wife practising biting her lip in the mirror. Fuck you, Fifty Shades of Grey. FML

#20096658
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26703) - you deserved it (3500)

On 10/01/2012 at 11:02am - love - by fiftyno (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my boyfriend told me he masturbates to the thought of me swimming in pancake syrup. FML

#20094500
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30908) - you deserved it (5265)

On 09/30/2012 at 12:37am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend told me he masturbates to the thought of me swimming in pancake syrup. FML

#20094500
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30908) - you deserved it (5265)

On 09/30/2012 at 12:37am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I unintentionally moaned during my prostate exam. FML

#20092313
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34250) - you deserved it (6818)

On 09/28/2012 at 2:06pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Netherlands (Gelderland)

Today, while working security at a welfare office, I had to listen as a claimant gushed about her upcoming Caribbean cruise. I work two jobs and haven't had a vacation since 2006. FML

#20092291
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24827) - you deserved it (1772)

On 09/28/2012 at 1:40pm - work - by getajob (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, my new boyfriend came over to my apartment for the first time. Up until now I thought he was great, but when he spotted the book I'm currently reading next to my couch, he uttered the immortal question, "Why do you read?" FML

#20091837
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25271) - you deserved it (3383)

On 09/28/2012 at 1:18am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Mexico)

Today, I found out why the girl I like won't give me the time of day. Apparently, I called her ugly and pushed her into a puddle when we were in kindergarten. FML

#20091625
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17422) - you deserved it (26758)

On 09/27/2012 at 10:41pm - love - by thatwas10yearsago (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, he came. This was a good thing, except when he did he started bellowing the Imperial March theme from Star Wars. When I asked him about it, all he said was, "I thought you'd like it." FML

#20089963
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22122) - you deserved it (3553)

On 09/26/2012 at 6:54pm - intimacy - by wickedbeauty333 (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I heard of an inevitable world-wide bacon shortage on the news. FML

#20089182
395 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29167) - you deserved it (5150)

On 09/26/2012 at 2:57am - misc - by bacon lovers worst nightmare - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend's transition into an annoying hipster is complete. It started with the not-really-necessary nerd glasses and the Mötley Crüe t-shirt, the final straw being the affected British accent. I'm considering where to dump the body. FML

#20086118
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24308) - you deserved it (2750)

On 09/24/2012 at 1:07am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)



Sophie Marie's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Sophie Marie's illustrated FML
  • Hi there Friday, great to see you again! What are we going to talk about this week? It's the same question that most people ask themselves while strolling into their usual bar on a Friday night, on their way to…

Friday 27 March 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: