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laden_swallow09

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laden_swallow09
  • Town/Country : Redneckville, USA
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 3942
  • Number of comments : 1811
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 12 posted

About laden_swallow09 : They updated the App, so I can read my hate mail! Yay!

I really wish I could take back my FYL or YDI votes, since I tend to miss the button I'm aiming for.

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laden_swallow09's favorite FMLs

Today, I saw a cute girl working register at my regular coffee shop and politely asked the her for her number. I was brutally rejected. A few minutes later, a douchebag with a popped collar approached her with a cheesy pickup line and left with not only her number, but a free frappe. FML

#17431204
288 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29488) - you deserved it (4044)

On 08/10/2011 at 5:10pm - love - by 6u174r_d00d - United States

Today, I saw my brother's pregnant girlfriend smoking. Disgusted, I asked him why he didn't just stab her in the uterus and get it over with. He laughed like it was a joke, then cussed because he spilled his cereal. He's more concerned about spilled cereal than having a brain-damaged child. FML

#17424744
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30377) - you deserved it (8707)

On 08/10/2011 at 12:46am - health - by auntoftheyear - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I finally noticed that my wife only shaves her bush when she goes on "business trips." FML

#17414090
239 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50869) - you deserved it (4316)

On 08/09/2011 at 12:59am - intimacy - by ksmith - United States (Ohio)

Today, I realized that as a U.S. Marine in the infantry, I'm more afraid to talk to girls than I am of getting shot at. FML

#17352313
263 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39021) - you deserved it (5320)

On 08/03/2011 at 3:40am - love - by Tim - United States

Today, I got into an argument with a militantly feminist co-worker of mine. She threw several vulgar insults at me and debased the entire male gender before storming off. I'd only asked if she needed help while she was doing a crossword. FML

#17284232
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27766) - you deserved it (4401)

On 07/28/2011 at 6:51am - work - by Rick - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was browsing the web when I checked the search history. Turns out my son has been searching for "nude grills" and "hot grills." Not only is my 12-year-old son attempting to find porn on the internet, he also can't spell. FML

#17281952
242 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35433) - you deserved it (5398)

On 07/27/2011 at 10:02pm - intimacy - by Nickname (man) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I woke up to a scream downstairs. My 13 year-old daughter was trying to bite her little brother's neck. No matter how hard I try, she will not believe that she is NOT and NEVER WILL BE a vampire. FML

#17162129
471 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32664) - you deserved it (4408)

On 07/18/2011 at 11:17am - kids - by xBubbles38 - United States

Today, an argument broke out between me, my girlfriend, and her sister. They were trying to convince me that not only were fairies real, but there were "scientific facts" that "prove" their existence. My girlfriend's 20 and her sister teaches primary school. FML

#17148663
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26979) - you deserved it (3881)

On 07/17/2011 at 12:01pm - misc - by Fairymyass (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I caught a cab to take me to a hospital appointment. The driver turned around and told me I was in the Cash Cab. I got really excited and screamed. That is, until she laughed and said, "Just kidding. I always wanted to do that to someone." FML

#17128085
254 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33179) - you deserved it (8187)

On 07/15/2011 at 10:06pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, as a joke, I hid under my parents' bed, hoping to scare them when they came home. When they finally arrived, they burst through their bedroom door, tearing each other's clothes off. I had to keep my breath in time with my mom's panting and moaning as my dad brutally dominated her. FML

#17109043
424 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29010) - you deserved it (86331)

On 07/14/2011 at 3:35pm - intimacy - by gir - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I woke up to my pants off and my vibrator still on. I fell asleep masturbating. FML

#17080549
527 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17687) - you deserved it (48493)

On 07/12/2011 at 1:25pm - intimacy - by 44haley44 - United States

Today, after 8 years in exceptionally difficult veterinarian classes which put me $200,000 in debt, and 7 months of job searching, I finally got a job. I will be inspecting feces for worms while making minimum wage. FML

#17036883
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30302) - you deserved it (4681)

On 07/09/2011 at 1:59am - work - by dsbass09 - United States (Florida)

Today, I realized that my wife is such a bitch normally, she's actually nicer when she is on her period. FML

#17035825
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29329) - you deserved it (6781)

On 07/09/2011 at 12:32am - misc - by Username - United States

Today, I peeked through my window and trained a pair of binoculars on my neighbour's house. Every night without fail, he ends up standing in front of his window topless to flex his muscles. This time, I was surprised to instead find a note taped to the window saying, "Sorry, I'm out tonight." FML

#17032745
374 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8561) - you deserved it (58539) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 07/08/2011 at 8:11pm - love - by Anonyme - Sent from mobile version

Today, my friends staged an intervention. I'm not on drugs, I'm not an alcoholic, and I own my own house. My car is paid for and my job pays well. Apparently, I need an intervention because my life is not where they want it to be, which involves me being married with children. FML

#17004757
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32993) - you deserved it (2920)

On 07/06/2011 at 7:43pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States



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