laden_swallow09

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Offline (the 06/29/2016 at 3:33am)

laden_swallow09

62Fucked!

laden_swallow09laden_swallow09
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 23 June 1937 (79 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 17269
  • Number of comments : 3390
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 14 posted

About laden_swallow09 : They updated the App, so I can read my hate mail! Yay!

I really wish I could take back some of my FYL or YDI votes, since I tend to miss the button I'm aiming for. And why did they replace the YDI button with this stupid "Glad It Wasn't Me" bullshit? Making FML a more friendly and PC place? I dun geddit. Speaking of PC, this website is ageist against the elderly! Try changing your birthday and see what happens when you say you're born before 1936.

I like to point out stupidity whenever I see it, but that's likely why you're here on my profile, innit?

"It's now very common for them to hear people say, 'I'm rather offended by that,' as if that gives them certain rights. It's no more than a whine. It has no meaning. It has no purpose. It has no reason to be respected as a phrase. 'I am offended by that.' Well, so fucking what?" – Stephen Fry, actor/comedian

If you're thinking about getting an iPhone 6/+, don't. They're way too big.

Oh, yeah. I almost forgot…
HEIL, SPELLCHECK!

laden_swallow09's page activity

Visits<b>cuz803</b> - the 08/26/2016 at 8:26pm<b>yuno_gasai</b> - the 08/26/2016 at 3:28am<b>I_Am_The_Cold</b> - the 08/21/2016 at 9:56pm<b>Dr_Awesome654</b> - the 08/20/2016 at 3:13pm<b>optimusic</b> - the 08/08/2016 at 8:21am<b>NostalgiaFreak9</b> - the 07/25/2016 at 3:51pm<b>Ava_Darkflame</b> - the 07/25/2016 at 12:39pm<b>ImKimitheEmo</b> - the 07/11/2016 at 4:14pm<b>French_giirl</b> - the 06/29/2016 at 6:11pm<b>arsh_fz</b> - the 06/29/2016 at 1:38pm<b>Welshite</b> - the 06/28/2016 at 10:35pm<b>brownapple</b> - the 06/27/2016 at 2:00am<b>purple_bunnies</b> - the 06/24/2016 at 2:48am<b>SaltLord</b> - the 06/22/2016 at 10:54pm<b>Jxce</b> - the 06/22/2016 at 3:03am<b>EvilLittleGirl</b> - the 06/21/2016 at 5:46pm<b>Tripartita</b> - the 06/20/2016 at 4:39pm<b>Weymere</b> - the 06/20/2016 at 3:27pm

Fucked!<b>cuz803</b> - the 08/27/2016 at 2:26am<b>ImKimitheEmo</b> - the 07/11/2016 at 10:14pm<b>EvilLittleGirl</b> - the 06/21/2016 at 11:46pm<b>sinisterviper</b> - the 06/06/2016 at 11:44pm<b>cheyluvsturtles</b> - the 05/31/2016 at 7:29am<b>WarMachine68</b> - the 05/28/2016 at 4:37pm<b>TheGamingGamer</b> - the 05/25/2016 at 3:10pm<b>ThunderLightTSV</b> - the 05/17/2016 at 4:37am<b>Farklez</b> - the 03/29/2016 at 11:18pm<b>Welshite</b> - the 03/11/2016 at 3:24pm<b>crack229</b> - the 03/05/2016 at 7:43pm<b>Toonice45</b> - the 02/08/2016 at 4:59am<b>phoneaddict13</b> - the 02/07/2016 at 9:48pm<b>LivToFail</b> - the 01/25/2016 at 3:48pm<b>cupcakebruh</b> - the 01/11/2016 at 8:07pm<b>MzZombicidal</b> - the 01/08/2016 at 4:39am<b>explodedtaco</b> - the 01/04/2016 at 12:17pm<b>Seashells77</b> - the 01/04/2016 at 8:18am

laden_swallow09's FML badges

I never take things to heart

Having said that, my 3 comments on that FML were really worth it.

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

Socialite

You’ve used FML’s private messaging service for the first time. Will they reply? Wait and see…

See all of laden_swallow09's badges

laden_swallow09's favorite FMLs

Today, I failed hard at a color test. I thought it was a joke because most of the colors looked the same to me. Now I know why people laugh at my clothes color choices. FML

by Anonymous / 10/28/2013 at 12:51am / United States (California) / Health

Today, I enjoyed a romantic evening at home with my husband while a babysitter took care of my 5-year-old daughter. After she came home, she told me the sitter let her use her "weird swing." I wasn't too worried, until she said it was indoors, and I realized she was describing a sex swing. FML

by Anonymous / 10/27/2013 at 12:33pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Kids

Today, my ex boyfriend got into a physical fight with the guy I've been casually seeing for 9 months. Afterwards, they had a beer, a long chat, and decided this was my fault and I wasn't worth the drama. FML

by what did I do? / 10/25/2013 at 7:54am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love

Today, my little sister is having a friend spend the night. Our rooms are right next to one another and the walls are thin. We are now entering the fourth hour of a singing contest so off-key that it should be illegal. FML

by ThisIsAgony / 10/25/2013 at 2:48am / United States (Nevada) / Kids

Today, I saw a wasp on the ground, apparently injured and unable to fly. It was being mobbed by ants and looked certain to die, so I stamped on the ants to save its life. At this point it sprung up, stung me, then flew off. FML

by MBean / 10/24/2013 at 2:04pm / Anguilla / Animals

Today, I got a call from an angry parent telling me that I'm teaching her son and the other children in the class "wrong philosophies". This was all because I explained to the class that Michigan is divided into two parts. FML

by Anonymous / 10/22/2013 at 5:02pm / United States / Work

Today, my son came home for the fifth time saying he didn't get the job, wondering what he did wrong. I looked at his resumé; under special skills was, "Keeping it real." Apparently he saw it in a movie and thought it would work. FML

by Wheredigowrong / 10/21/2013 at 12:18am / United States (Iowa) / Kids

Today, my brother sent me an image by Skype, saying I really had to see it. I figured it was some kind of stupid joke, but I tried to look anyway. It wouldn't open. Turns out he thought he could just rename the ".exe" on a virus to ".jpg" and it would still run. My brother's a cretin. FML

by Anonymous / 10/19/2013 at 4:55pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was pushed off of a glacier by a very angry tourist. Why? I work as a glacier guide, and apparently some people find it overly frustrating to be informed that there isn't a café on the glacier. FML

by Quasimodo / 10/18/2013 at 8:40am / Norway (Hordaland) / Work

Today, I came across some bubble wrap. Turned out it was a special type of bubble wrap that cannot be popped. FML

by Anonymous / 10/17/2013 at 6:57pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend dumped me for knowing more about Batman than he does. He's only seen some of the movies, and as a kid my dad owned a comic book store. He still doesn't see why I should know more, because I'm a girl, and "girls aren't supposed to know about super heroes." FML

by Anonymous / 10/15/2013 at 5:48pm / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, I went home after work with my best friend who I am also secretly in love with. We had a few drinks, were getting touchy, and one thing led to another. Before leaving, I got the courage to ask her out on a real date. Her only reply was, "I don't want to lose such a good friend." FML

Today, after sending in my passport application for a trip to Paris, I got a letter from the state department saying despite them having my original birth certificate, I don't exist. Upon calling them, I was told that it only proves I'm a citizen, not that I exist. I pay taxes and have a mortgage. FML

by Anonymous / 10/11/2013 at 7:45am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, for the first time in months, a woman started flirting with me. She was wearing a sparkly shirt with "Team Edward" written on it. FML

by CreamGravy / 10/10/2013 at 11:50pm / Australia / Love

Today, my boyfriend blew me off yet again because he claims he has a responsibility as a "crew leader" to train and recruit members at all times, to accommodate all time zones. GTA V is ruining our relationship. FML

by carla6991 / 10/09/2013 at 4:16pm / United States (Florida) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.