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Today, I was at the mall blasting music, I was wearing a nice shirt and had my ipod in my breast pocket when I noticed a cute girl smiling at me so I smiled back and she started to walk over while turning down my music while smiling. It looked like I was rubbing my nipple. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11863) - you totally deserved it (34898)
On 05/20/2009 at 11:08pm - love - by zero_minded12 (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I was walking out of my front door in the town where I intern, where I live totally alone and know no one. As I'm locking the door, I see a golf ball wedged between my mat and step. Hmmm...I think, noticing that there's writing on it. I pick it up and what does it say? "You look hot when you sleep" FML
I agree, your life sucks (52532) - you totally deserved it (1343)
On 05/18/2009 at 8:04pm - misc - by emoney (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, after spending the night hanging out with a beautiful girl we start to walk back to my place. Halfway there she turns and says, "I wish you were a vampire" and goes back home. FML
I agree, your life sucks (70830) - you totally deserved it (5518)
On 05/11/2009 at 1:12am - intimacy - by Hallllo (man) - United States (Ohio)
Today, is the day my husband was supposed to come home from a six month tour at sea. I heard the door bell ring. I sprinted to the door expecting to hold my honey bear, instead two uniformed sailors with a folded flag greeted me. I burst into tears. My husband walked up behind me. He laughed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (127618) - you totally deserved it (9641)
On 05/10/2009 at 9:18pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, while working my job as a cashier, one of the customers that came to the register was a midget. As part of store policy, I had to ID him, and his driver's license said he was from Florida. So I asked, without catching myself, "How's the weather down there?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (20772) - you totally deserved it (31921)
On 05/09/2009 at 10:05pm - work - by Failoffel (man) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I saw a couple of beetles doing it. Jealous, I quickly crushed them with my boot while screaming, "IF I CAN'T DO IT, NOBODY WILL!" All the little kids playing on the local playground, including parents supervising them, gave me dirty, confused looks. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12090) - you totally deserved it (70413)
On 05/06/2009 at 2:15am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)
Today, I was about to lose my virginity with my girlfriend of 2 years, when I got an urgent phone call from my 9-year-old sister, telling me I had to come home immediately. My grandma fell off the toilet and got stuck between the bowl and the wall. I'm not making this up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (122128) - you totally deserved it (5404)
On 05/03/2009 at 7:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, my mother sent a letter to my best friend trying to comfort her over the death of her mother. She signed the letter "LOL, Jen" thinking LOL stood for "lots of love." FML
I agree, your life sucks (45932) - you totally deserved it (3030)
On 04/28/2009 at 5:51pm - misc - by unlolable4321 (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I went up to a secluded mountain my boyfriend took me to for our first date. As I saw another couple hooking up in the bushes, I phoned my boyfriend to tell him someone found our secret spot. His Bob Marley ringtone started playing from the bush. FML
I agree, your life sucks (115611) - you totally deserved it (3886)
On 04/28/2009 at 2:27am - intimacy - by liveforpeace_ (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I walked into my dorm to find my roommate hanging a voodoo doll of me on a noose. FML
I agree, your life sucks (61220) - you totally deserved it (3023)
On 04/26/2009 at 2:13am - misc - by calliefml (woman) - United States (Tennessee)
Today, I finally exchanged pictures with the woman I've been seeing online for some time now. She replied, saying "Thats not funny. Some people actually look like that." I sent my real picture, and thought I actually looked pretty good in it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (50878) - you totally deserved it (3961)
On 04/21/2009 at 2:21pm - love - by Anon (man) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, just after getting off the phone with a girl I am interested in, I parked on campus and decided to eat my lunch in the car. As I was sitting there, she appeared out of nowhere and walked to her car. I was parked directly behind her car, sitting there like a creepy ass. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40458) - you totally deserved it (6032)
On 04/21/2009 at 8:44am - misc - by porkieworkie (man) - United States (Kansas)
Today, I was visiting my grandmother's house. She keeps the thermostat on 85 and after about 30 minutes I explained to her "I'm going to have to leave, it's just too hot in here". She replied: "You think it's hot in here, wait until you get to hell." I laughed. She didn't. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45677) - you totally deserved it (3533)
On 04/15/2009 at 3:45pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (South Carolina)
Today, my mom scooped the litter box right before I went to work. I brown bagged my lunch this morning. She brown bagged the poop from the litter box. Both were on the counter. Guess which one I brought to work? FML
I agree, your life sucks (44241) - you totally deserved it (8280)
On 04/14/2009 at 1:09pm - misc - by chriss (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I was walking through the park eating fries. There was an old woman feeding a few pigeons. They didn't seem too interested, so I threw some fries down as I walked by to try and help her out. About 2 minutes later, I heard screaming. A huge group of pigeons were attacking the old woman. FML
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On 04/14/2009 at 10:07am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)
