Why does it always rain on me?
Today, my boyfriend's head was on my lap. I bent down to kiss him. My stomach rolls got there first. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12295) - you totally deserved it (29311)
On 10/04/2009 at 5:40pm - love - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my whole family was sitting in the kitchen. My sister was stoned and passed out in our dog's bed. My dad was drunk, yelling "who's your daddy" at his plate of barbecue, and my mom just sat there with that, "what the hell happened to my life" look on her face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37538) - you totally deserved it (1651)
On 09/13/2009 at 5:27am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Missouri)
Today, it's my birthday. I'm a pastry chef by profession. Not only did my family buy a cake from my bakery, I had to make it myself and inscribe it with 'Happy Birthday Dad'. The worst part is, they asked money from me to pay for it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27982) - you totally deserved it (1214)
On 09/11/2009 at 12:33am - misc - by peter (man) - Indonesia (Jakarta Raya)
Today, my daughter used the kids potty chair on her own for the first time. Bad: The bucket was not in it so poo hit the floor. Good: she tried to clean it... Bad: with her socks. Good: she decided to clean the socks. Bad: she used the wall. Good: she finally called dad. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28929) - you totally deserved it (2271)
On 09/10/2009 at 3:51am - kids - by Udxero (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I was going to work and got in the elevator. I was going through my bag for my phone and asked the man in the elevator to push the button for me. He gave me a look of death before I realized he had no arms. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27657) - you totally deserved it (7394)
On 09/02/2009 at 9:01am - work - by elevatorjerk - United States
Today, I realized the person I had been habitually stealing bag lunches from at work made me a canned dog food sandwich. FML
I agree, your life sucks (3166) - you totally deserved it (130686)
On 09/01/2009 at 2:05pm - work - by Hairball (man) - United States (South Carolina)
Today, at work, I was putting away clothes in the Men's department, when a guy came and started shopping in the aisle in front of me. He kept staring at me non-stop. Getting fed up, I said "What are you staring at?" Turns out he was wearing his sunglasses on the back of his head. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4143) - you totally deserved it (38270)
On 08/27/2009 at 7:00pm - work - by staringisrude (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, for my birthday, my mom presented me with a $4,000 check to pay for my braces. I've been very self-conscious about my teeth for years. Everyone applauded and told me how happy they were for me. Later, my mom asked me for the check back. Apparently it was just meant to make her look good. FML
I agree, your life sucks (46597) - you totally deserved it (955)
On 08/27/2009 at 1:23pm - money - by crookedteeth (woman) - United States (Oregon)
Today, in Burger King, I was leaning against the railing looking at the menu. I saw an old man using the rail to walk, so I got out of the way. He ran his hand across my back and said "You're so cute, I'd like to take you home and lock you in my basement naked so you can't leave" and walked out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35772) - you totally deserved it (1489)
On 08/21/2009 at 12:01am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Dakota)
Today, I saw my ex-boyfriend at the mall, kissing another man. His partner got up and went to the bathroom, so I went up to my ex. I told him I didn't know he was gay, and he just smiled politely. Then his partner came out and I recognized him as my current boyfriend. FML
I agree, your life sucks (48884) - you totally deserved it (4116)
On 08/20/2009 at 2:45pm - love - by Lil (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I was at my school's spaghetti dinner with my family. My brother shook up my mom's soda, as a prank. My entire class witnessed my mom waving around an overflowing Diet Coke while my dad yelled, "Come on, put your mouth on it! Suck it! Suck it, Kathy!!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (43134) - you totally deserved it (2311)
On 08/18/2009 at 3:20pm - misc - by gbhlaughingstock (man) - United States
Today, I went to get a pedicure for the first time. My feet are VERY ticklish. I reflexively kicked the poor lady in the face, as I wet my pants. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32104) - you totally deserved it (9376)
On 08/18/2009 at 8:35am - misc - by peepeepants (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my nose was itchy. As I reached towards it to itch it, I sneezed ridiculously hard. I punched myself in the eye and now it's all purple and puffy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30013) - you totally deserved it (6297)
On 08/18/2009 at 7:47am - health - by Ahhwtf (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, I found out that I was adopted, now my gay brother thinks it's acceptable to tell me that he's always wanted to have sex with me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (64668) - you totally deserved it (2318)
On 08/12/2009 at 11:13pm - intimacy - by JPF (man) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I went with my girlfriend to her parents' house. They told me I smelled of cheap vodka. When I told them I worked in a bio lab and used ethanol a lot, they said I was too stupid to do anything like that. My girlfriend broke up with me because her parents think I'm a drunk. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43183) - you totally deserved it (1459)
On 08/12/2009 at 5:01pm - love - by anonymous (man) - United States (Montana)
