kymidwest

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kymidwest

0Fucked!

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  • Number of visits : 1055
  • Number of comments : 1
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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kymidwest's FML badges

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kymidwest's favorite FMLs

Today, while in my room sleeping, my little brother deemed it necessary to come in and drop a book on my face. When I sat up with a now bloody nose, he looked at me, pointed, and said "You've just been facebooked" and ran away giggling. FML

by Malakai / 02/02/2011 at 12:57am / United States / Kids

Today, I felt like spicing up our marriage, so I thought I'd surprise my husband when he got home from work. I put on my sexiest teddy, lit some candles, and laid on the bed. He walked in the room, looked at me for a second, farted, then asked me what was for dinner. FML

by Anonymous / 12/05/2010 at 1:57am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, while sleeping over at my girlfriend's house for the first time, I got up to go to the bathroom. I went to go back and once in the room asked, "You ready for round two baby?" The light came on and at this moment I realized I went into her parents bedroom by mistake. FML

by apavies444 / 11/28/2010 at 2:10am / United States / Intimacy

Today, while sleeping over at my girlfriend's house for the first time, I got up to go to the bathroom. I went to go back and once in the room asked, "You ready for round two baby?" The light came on and at this moment I realized I went into her parents bedroom by mistake. FML

by apavies444 / 11/28/2010 at 2:10am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I spent an hour at work trying to make a tortoise poo. When he finally did, I was so excited and felt pretty triumphant. Then I realized that my job was to make animals drop their load. FML

by poomaster / 11/21/2010 at 9:33pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, my daughter came up to me crying. When I asked her what was wrong, she told me that she had a fight with her imaginary boyfriend. She's 16. I raised this child. FML

by Anonymous / 10/30/2010 at 1:07am / New Zealand (Taranaki) / Kids

Today, my wife started checking her email on her Blackberry while we were having sex. FML

by Anonymous / 10/19/2010 at 3:18pm / United States (Puerto Rico) / Intimacy

Today, it was my dad's birthday. As a joke, I got him one of those big erasers that say, "FOR BIG MISTAKES." He opened it, tried to erase me with it, then said, "It doesn't work." and left. FML

by Anonymous / 10/17/2010 at 2:28am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I realised that every morning my girlfriend gets me to help her put on a locket her ex-boyfriend bought her on Valentine's Day. FML

by Anonymous / 08/26/2010 at 5:16am / Canada (Yukon Territory) / Love

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. After removing my underwear, he started singing "In the jungle, the mighty jungle..." FML

by Wawawiwa / 07/21/2010 at 7:44pm / Namibia (Windhoek) / Intimacy

Today, my father asked me to never contact him again. The reason? His "new" family doesn't know I exist and explaining that he has a 28 year old daughter to his wife and his other children would be "awkward". I have siblings that I will never meet. FML

by forgottendaughter / 01/17/2010 at 9:41am / South Africa (Gauteng) / Miscellaneous

Today, I made a batch of "special" brownies for a party I was going to tonight. I wrapped them up and put them on the counter with a note that said DO NOT EAT. Later on I came home from some errands to find a tray of half eaten brownies and my ten year old sister passed out on the couch. FML

by badsister / 01/10/2010 at 10:37am / United States (Illinois) / Health

Today, I went on a blind date that my best friend had set up for me. When I arrived, I introduced myself and we sat at the table. After we ordered our food, he asked the waiter for some crayons and a kid's menu, and colored for the half hour before our food came. He didn't talk to me at all. FML

by Anonymous / 01/05/2010 at 8:10pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was snuggled in bed with my husband. He thought because my butt was twitching that I was trying to be frisky. So he slapped my ass hard in attempt to get something going. I was actually trying to hold in a huge fart because last night I had diarrhea. Apparently I still have it. FML

by Lovergirl / 01/01/2010 at 3:23pm / United States (Arkansas) / Intimacy

Today, I came home to find my Dad cheating on his new wife of six weeks. With my own mother who was supposedly dating "a real catch". Should I be happy that my parents love each other or pissed off that they're both whores? I can't decide. FML

by wheresthelove / 12/30/2009 at 12:03am / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy