Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

kylie31

Online | Search for a member

kylie31

268Fucked!

kylie31kylie31
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 5341
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 6 posted

About kylie31 : I have always considered myself a reasonably intelligent and pretty confident person (also super modest).

I am not one for writting bio information. I hate bio information. But I have succumbed to peer pressure and have poured myself a glass of wine. Perhaps this glass of wine has sparked something in me to write some silly information under this 'about you' section. I hate wine!

So something about me. I have noticed alot of people write quotes they live by. I hate quotes! Dodgy dumb quotes are dopey. Like I hate statuses that say 'like for like'!!! Do you think the likes of Charles Darwin, Da Vinci, Einstein and Galileao got to where they did from writting 'like for a like'? And no, it wasn't because they didn't have facebook, it was because they weren't braindead shits. Now go forth, live by your own experience and knowledge and invent your own standards to live by. I must mention I do like Dalai Lama quotes- they are good. I like Dalai Lama quotes.

kylie31's page activity

Visits<b>yayhoo16</b> - 11 hours ago<b>Lars93</b> - 15 hours ago<b>DrProfessor777</b> - 21 hours ago<b>chloeeee6661</b> - yesterday at 3:01pm<b>jdw17</b> - yesterday at 10:39am<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 02/12/2016 at 6:24am<b>AggieMike77</b> - the 02/12/2016 at 12:08am<b>LaceysBabe</b> - the 02/11/2016 at 11:05pm<b>10nachoman10</b> - the 02/11/2016 at 9:41pm<b>Bonngoo</b> - the 02/11/2016 at 7:50am<b>Arnoud</b> - the 02/11/2016 at 12:49am<b>oobergoober89</b> - the 02/10/2016 at 8:55pm<b>pred8885</b> - the 02/10/2016 at 8:49pm<b>Bhuffman94</b> - the 02/10/2016 at 8:35pm<b>RA91</b> - the 02/10/2016 at 8:02pm<b>Maldy</b> - the 02/10/2016 at 4:22pm<b>914smv</b> - the 02/10/2016 at 10:52am<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 02/09/2016 at 3:00pm

Fucked!<b>yayhoo16</b> - 5 hours ago<b>DrProfessor777</b> - 15 hours ago<b>Maldy</b> - the 02/10/2016 at 10:23pm<b>Bonngoo</b> - the 02/10/2016 at 9:28pm<b>914smv</b> - the 02/10/2016 at 4:53pm<b>kokopuffs3</b> - the 01/31/2016 at 10:32pm<b>getoffmyscreen</b> - the 01/31/2016 at 7:15pm<b>Arnoud</b> - the 01/31/2016 at 4:38pm<b>Michelle1121</b> - the 01/29/2016 at 12:24pm<b>dakotadavisbruh</b> - the 01/29/2016 at 6:56am<b>prout92340</b> - the 01/25/2016 at 12:03pm<b>daveyyyyh</b> - the 01/21/2016 at 6:28am<b>Jake42100</b> - the 01/19/2016 at 8:43pm<b>hardcorefan16</b> - the 01/15/2016 at 10:58pm<b>johny93</b> - the 01/15/2016 at 5:49pm<b>Prerogative</b> - the 01/14/2016 at 10:36pm<b>GrimReefer66</b> - the 01/14/2016 at 5:14pm<b>tin_cup</b> - the 01/12/2016 at 1:32am

kylie31's FML badges

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

One more and it's business time

You've received 68 likes on your profile. Kinky.

See all of kylie31's badges

kylie31's favorite FMLs

Today, at my daughter's fundraiser, I noticed that a guy with a face only a fist could love kept staring at her. I said "Beautiful, isn't she?" Before I could tell him to keep it in his damned pants, he replied "Hah. She's my girlfriend, dude. Total beast in the sack." Complete news to me on both counts. FML

#21520041
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24852) - you deserved it (2859)

On 01/27/2016 at 11:35am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Kansas)

Today, my girlfriend actually slept with one of the celebrities on her "5 celebrities we're allowed to sleep with" list. FML

#21515102
255 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27404) - you deserved it (12986)

On 01/14/2016 at 7:51am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Australia

Today, I walked in on my 13-year-old sister cutting her pubic hair with scissors. After a long talk about what on earth she was doing, she confessed to doing it so her boyfriend could find her clitoris. FML

#21507957
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24600) - you deserved it (2280)

On 12/26/2015 at 12:40am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I read the instructions on my new prescription constipation medicine: "For best results, defecate before use." FML

#21493972
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21286) - you deserved it (1603)

On 11/18/2015 at 9:50am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada

Today, I excitedly told my husband that I'm pregnant with our first child. With the most shit-eating grin, he said, "Hi, Pregnant. I'm dad." FML

#21493785
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27748) - you deserved it (8729)

On 11/17/2015 at 9:13pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I got out of bed, soaked up the beautiful sunlight, and went to the kitchen to make some coffee. I saw my dad rummaging through the fridge, shirtless and one ball poking through his underwear. I needed to see that about as much as I need ass cancer. FML

#21492071
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22185) - you deserved it (2424)

On 11/13/2015 at 11:32am - misc - by eyegouger15 (man) - United States

Today, a kid came into the classroom I teach in to tell me there was "something" in the girls' toilets. "What kind of something", I asked? I was not expecting the answer "A period mural". FML

#21490397
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23098) - you deserved it (3133)

On 11/09/2015 at 2:33pm - kids - by Kidsthesedays (woman) - United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire)

Today, I had a dream where I was giving Justin Bieber a blowjob. I'm a totally straight male. I have half a mind to bill the little bastard for therapy sessions. FML

#21489306
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22137) - you deserved it (5546)

On 11/06/2015 at 5:39pm - misc - by honk honk, fuckwad (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend about the importance of foreplay, and that attempting to get me "in the mood" by whipping his cock out and air humping was roughly equivalent to throwing a dry teabag at me and claiming he made a cup of tea. FML

#21480731
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27627) - you deserved it (2752)

On 10/16/2015 at 11:05am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Hampshire)

Today, in the middle of a presentation, I fought a shart, but the shart won. FML

#21477505
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24881) - you deserved it (2652)

On 10/08/2015 at 11:10am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend fed a "random mushroom from the woods" to my rabbit. It then had a violent seizure and died. He claims it must have been from "natural causes". FML

Today, my hormones are so screwed, I popped a boner at the sight of two grasshoppers mating and had to retire to my room for a wank. FML

#21475435
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22759) - you deserved it (6379)

On 10/02/2015 at 5:01pm - intimacy - by sad-boing (man) - United Kingdom (Kent)

Today, I noticed I spend so much time with my cats that I tend to hiss at things that scare me or that I don't like. I'm turning into a cat. FML

Today, my boyfriend cooked us a romantic dinner using the oven. The oven he recently hid $3,000 in for safekeeping. We essentially just spent thousands of dollars on a casserole. FML

Today, when I woke up, one half of my face was smooth and clear and the other half looked as if I got slapped by the Hand of Puberty itself. FML

#21471027
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23477) - you deserved it (1768)

On 09/21/2015 at 1:47pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Minnesota)



FML's blog

  • Eni's illustrated FML
  • Greetings worshipers of lines and colours! This week, with the help of a talented young illustrator we’re checking kids out. No, not like that. Damn, that sounded bad. We’re taking a different look a…

Friday 12 February 2016

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: