Submit your FML story
- - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
About kwchambers92 : Now known as Jesus on FML, like it? No? Too bad!
Born 1/23/45 HAH! Not try 5/16/92
I'm an asshole, dick, douche, whatever you prefer, but I'm happy with who I am and what I have, so what can you do right? I hate judgmental people, college brats, spoiled brats, people who don't accept you for what you are, and people in general.
I really enjoy punching, kicking, elbowing, or kneeing peoples faces, as well as scissor trips, armbars, hip tosses, miracle tosses, and teeps.
5ft 11in tall, 170-185 lbs
Muay Thai, Judo, BJJ, Kickboxing, Wrestling
"Sometimes your flush and sometimes you're bust, when you're up it's never as good as it seems and when you're down you never think you'll be up again, but life goes on"
"I'm not a racist dick I hate everybody"
If for some reason, you think of me as a hero of some sort, please do let me know.
50 quality responses
Clicking reply to a comment is a worthy thing to do. To do so without getting buried is even better.
Who’s the fairest of them all?
This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.
You’ve filled out the necessary details. Having done so will be much appreciated.
Today, my 3 year old son's tricycle was stolen. I looked up the street and saw a neighbour's kid riding it. I marched up, gently lifted him off it, gave him a stern lecture about stealing and brought the tricycle back home. The cops then showed up. Apparently, the kid has an identical tricycle. FML
Today, the woman I'm training at work asked, while staring intently at the keyboard, "now, which one of these buttons is the space-bar again?" She is 80 years old, types about 1 word per minute, and I have just one week to get her completely trained. FML
Today, severely tired and pulling an all-nighter, I was editing documents at work. Eventually the words blurred together and "which" began to look funny, so I corrected them. I realized too late that I'd turned in the company's brochure with every "which" spelt as "witch". FML
Today, I asked a guy if he could buy me a pack of cigarettes, since I'm still under 18. He took my money, went into the supermarket, and must have slipped out a side-entrance, because he never came back. FML
Today, I was in a pool locker room, surrounded by semi-naked people. While changing into my clothes, I accidentally pushed a button on my phone, causing it to make the loud, unmistakable camera shutter sound effect. Everyone definitely heard it. FML
Today, while walking home I was jumped by two guys, one of whom shouted, "You shouldn't have run your mouth off, Rick!" My name is John. Only after they repeatedly axe-kicked me in the chest did they realize their mistake. It now hurts to breathe. FML
Today, I searched frantically for my glasses for ages. After giving up, I realised I could see perfectly. I had been wearing them the whole time and neither my mother nor my father told me because "it was far too funny" watching me yell "Where the fuck are they?" FML
Tuesday 24 November 2015