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kushalkaria's favorite FMLs
Today, I was babysitting a little boy for the first time. He kept using all sorts of profanity toward me the whole evening, so I told his mom when she picked him up. She just grunted and muttered, "Fucking cunt-ass snitch." FML
by Nick / 07/20/2013 at 3:37pm / United States (California) / Money
Today, at work, a woman came up to the snack bar and ordered a pretzel with no salt. When I served her the food, she angrily complained about it having no salt, followed by her throwing the whole thing in my face. FML
by YOU KNOW WHAT, FUCK THE CUSTOMER / 07/20/2013 at 1:47pm / United States (Oregon) / Work
Today, my friend set up a profile for me on an adult dating site as a surprise. It was a surprise alright. The picture he set as my avatar was one of me stark naked, which I sent to my ex shortly before he dumped me. FML
by .............. / 07/20/2013 at 1:43pm / Germany (Saarland) / Miscellaneous
Today, my friends took my work laptop and changed the sounds. Now, whenever I remove a USB device, a woman's voice screams "Put it back!" and when I insert a USB device, it says "Oh, you need to push it in harder!" I don't know how to change it back. FML
by Anonymous / 07/20/2013 at 11:45am / United States (Delaware) / Work
Today, I came home from work to my hot roommate cooking and wearing nothing but an apron. She pulled me into her room and things went great. At least, they did before I woke up in the break room with my coworkers and boss all gathered around, listening to me talking in my sleep. FML
by Dirty_Mind_69 / 07/20/2013 at 4:35am / United States (Louisiana) / Work
by solitaire / 07/20/2013 at 4:14am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
Today, I announced my first pregnancy to my family. Not to be outdone, my sister immediately announced that she "might" be getting pregnant soon. My family ended up congratulating her instead, and asked me if I would plan the baby shower. FML
by Happyunlucky / 07/20/2013 at 2:31am / United States (Minnesota) / Kids
by imawesomeokay / 07/20/2013 at 1:53am / Mexico (Jalisco) / Transportation
by Eisenhorn / 07/20/2013 at 1:47am / United States / Work
by libraries are a girl's best friend / 07/19/2013 at 5:53pm / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 07/19/2013 at 4:57pm / Korea, Republic of (Seoul-t'ukpyolsi) / Love
Today, a kid was ranting that "people these days are so rude" and that "things were much better in the '50s." Annoyed, I asked the delusional twat what was so great about the racial segregation, rampant sexism, homophobia, and all the rest back then. He responded by punching me. FML
by "people these days" / 07/19/2013 at 4:36pm / United States (Virginia) / Health
Today, I agreed to lend my daughter's inflatable pool to my neighbor for the day. Barely an hour later, I witnessed his son jump off their balcony, missing the pool by inches. He's now in hospital, and my neighbor has sworn to sue me, saying I'm responsible because the pool is mine. FML
by getmeoutofthiscountry / 07/19/2013 at 3:06pm / United States / Kids
by cheated / 07/19/2013 at 1:34pm / United States (North Carolina) / Love
Today, it's my fifth wedding anniversary. My wife bailed on the romantic dinner that I arranged in favor of running off with her friends. Their big event: an amateur Fight Club event they'd decided to stage in an abandoned parking lot. FML
by Anonymous / 07/19/2013 at 12:41pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Love
- Today, I met the man of my dreams. Hot, funny, smart, sensitive, he guesses at what I need before I… Today, I found my daughters hiding spot. Yeah there was dolls, matchbox cars and coloring markers.… Today, my best friend of 12 years told me she couldn't attend my wedding. What was so important to…