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ktm71125

Offline (the 07/21/2014 at 8:39pm) | Search for a member

ktm71125

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 232
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 11 posted

About ktm71125 : I live life in the United States

ktm71125's page activity

Visits<b>stillalive33</b> - the 05/15/2014 at 10:25pm<b>tea_brewer</b> - the 05/06/2014 at 1:21pm<b>kinky44</b> - the 04/03/2014 at 8:58am<b>justaNUGGIT</b> - the 03/23/2014 at 12:02am<b>Welshite</b> - the 03/06/2014 at 6:55pm<b>MichelleRuzicka</b> - the 02/23/2014 at 10:49pm<b>lili_landero</b> - the 02/20/2014 at 10:46pm<b>bensparks</b> - the 02/11/2014 at 9:11pm<b>buckdharma</b> - the 02/10/2014 at 3:46am<b>pumboc</b> - the 02/03/2014 at 5:55pm

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Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

See all of ktm71125's badges

ktm71125's favorite FMLs

Today, I was in my Honors English class. I sneezed very loudly while my teacher was giving a lecture. I had the genius idea to say, "Sorry, I'm allergic to bullshit." FML

Today, I was walking home, when a car heading the other way hit a traffic cone. I must have been an asshole in a previous life, because the universe decided to make sure the cone flew into the side of my head. The bystanders were shocked for all of two seconds before laughing. FML

#21068594
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41848) - you deserved it (3931)

On 02/22/2014 at 4:02pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I logged into my bank account and started crying. Not because of the balance, but because the password is my anniversary with my ex, and it's the only reminder I have of happy days in my life. FML

Today, and every other night since my new neighbors moved in two weeks ago, their cat has been standing outside my house meowing constantly up at my window, where my cat keeps standing and meowing back. It's like a feline version of Romeo and Juliet, and I can't sleep. FML

#21024543
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45694) - you deserved it (4916)

On 01/11/2014 at 1:52pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - Dominican Republic (Distrito Nacional)

Today, my son was playing The Sims, when I saw him remove the door to a room and set it on fire with a Sim trapped inside. I chuckled at first, until I saw that the Sim was me. Meanwhile, my wife's Sim was happily painting in the next room, not giving a crap. All too accurate, sadly. FML

#21015673
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46092) - you deserved it (4954)

On 01/03/2014 at 4:50pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, she did it again. While I was minding my own business reading the paper, she casually walked up to me and slashed my face with her nails, drawing blood and screams of pain. I need to get out of this abusive relationship, but no one will adopt my asshole of a cat. FML

#20950555
218 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42087) - you deserved it (7881)

On 11/08/2013 at 6:02pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my dad told me I was folding my laundry all wrong. I said with a smirk, "A little clothes-minded, are we?" He slapped me. Hard. FML

#20865687
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49461) - you deserved it (10667)

On 09/03/2013 at 2:31am - misc - by fml (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, the weather was so hot that I couldn't stop sweating profusely while using the restroom. Ever slipped off the toilet seat and hit the floor hard due to ass-sweat? Not a pleasant experience. FML

#20750694
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47409) - you deserved it (5881)

On 06/27/2013 at 4:27pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Nevada)

Today, my band and I played at our first ever real gig. Our drummer turned up high out of his damn mind. After ruining our act with his godawful performance, he screamed "HELL YEAH!" then ran and dove off the stage into a nearly non-existent audience. We were told to never come back. FML

#20711923
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47196) - you deserved it (4986)

On 06/07/2013 at 3:32pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I woke up with my face covered in blood. Turns out that yesterday at my colleague's birthday party, I got so drunk that I started yelling "Nappy time!" before falling out of my hammock and face-first onto the concrete ground. FML

#20580770
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14521) - you deserved it (36009)

On 04/08/2013 at 3:20pm - misc - by nosey (woman) - United Kingdom (Rhondda Cynon Taff)

Today, I went out to buy a bottle of wine and some condoms. As the cashier scanned the condoms, she snickered and muttered, "Yeah right." She was right; I really was just desperate to look like I have a sex life. I got so upset that I left my items and walked out with tears in my eyes. FML

#20526083
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36303) - you deserved it (10513)

On 02/28/2013 at 7:48pm - misc - by useless pos (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I received a package from a local guy on Craigslist. Instead of the iPhone I paid $350 for, the box only contained a photo of an iPhone. The guy had been dumb enough to attach a return address, so my husband went over and beat the shit out of him. I now have to bail him out of jail. FML

#20416192
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40641) - you deserved it (11879)

On 12/23/2012 at 12:52pm - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, "The Phantom of the Opera" soundtrack blasted me awake at 4 am. Not knowing how it got on my iPod, I checked and found I had bought the whole $17.00 album in my sleep. This is the second time this month; the first time I downloaded the soundtrack from "The Wizard of Oz". FML

#20198547
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25075) - you deserved it (5769)

On 12/10/2012 at 12:10am - money - by hailey - United States (Maryland)

Today, during a conversation, my boss said, "What, what?" Before I could stop myself, I replied, "In the butt." FML

#20191552
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11886) - you deserved it (28003)

On 12/04/2012 at 9:43pm - work - by whitecollar - United Kingdom (York)

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend doggy-style. I was getting close when he suddenly blurts out, "Babe, you really need to bleach your asshole." FML

#20095626
256 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30893) - you deserved it (4940)

On 09/30/2012 at 7:02pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)



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