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Today, I was petsitting for my neighbor's new puppy. A huge thunderstorm came, and the puppy started whining and shivering violently. I pulled it into my lap to try and comfort it. One loud clap of thunder later, and the puppy had explosive diarrhea all over me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (59944) - you totally deserved it (4470)
On 04/16/2009 at 5:36pm - misc - by Puppysit88 (woman) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, My girlfriend and I were watching TV, randomly she starts to undo my belt buckle, unzips my fly and then takes my pants off. Right as I'm starting to get really excited she says to me "Just Joking". FML
I agree, your life sucks (89670) - you totally deserved it (10911)
On 04/13/2009 at 9:44am - intimacy - by Hikara (man) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, I work at a Subway Sandwich store right next to a big hospital. There was a big line of people all getting their subs toasted. Without turning around, I ask the next person in line "I bet you want yours extra toasted?" She was a burns victim from the hospital. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24583) - you totally deserved it (47542)
On 04/05/2009 at 9:48am - work - by 00Evan (man) - Australia (Queensland)
Today, I met a new client in person for the first time. When I went to shake his hand, it was made of plastic. Startled, I laughed thinking it was a practical joke. It wasn't. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10384) - you totally deserved it (40542)
On 04/05/2009 at 4:48am - work - by HDCkid (man) - United States (California)
Today, I walked past a church with a bunch of people standing outside waiting for the bride and groom to walk out. When the church doors opened, I yelled congratulations as loud as I could. It was a funeral. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12847) - you totally deserved it (49159)
On 04/05/2009 at 1:20am - misc - by oops (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, for April fools I decided to set off the smoke detectors in my friends apartment while he was sleeping and saran wrap the outside of his bedroom doorway so he would smack into it. Instead, he jumped out the window and broke his leg. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10219) - you totally deserved it (67510)
On 04/01/2009 at 4:06pm - health - by nic (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I was called by my 9 year old son's teacher. He had handcuffed himself to his desk with handcuffs he found in my room. I was told to please bring in the key and not to leave my kinky toys out where a child could get them. I'm a cop. FML
I agree, your life sucks (57994) - you totally deserved it (4470)
On 03/31/2009 at 4:47pm - kids - by poo_shoe123 (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I woke up to 70 new text messages and 100 calls all from numbers I didn't know. The night before I got into a heated argument with my old best friend about who was prettier. She got mad and posted my number on craigslist.com as a prostitute. Apparently I won. FML
I agree, your life sucks (54642) - you totally deserved it (14260)
On 03/31/2009 at 9:48am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I accidentally pressed the panic button under the register at work. I didn't even know we had a panic button until the cops showed up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38417) - you totally deserved it (10984)
On 03/31/2009 at 5:08am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Western Australia)
Today, I overheard a conversation two of my friends were having about Homer, so I interjected with a quip about a Simpson's episode I had seen before. They were talking about the poet. I'm an AP literature student. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7970) - you totally deserved it (46436)
On 03/31/2009 at 1:12am - misc - by apenglishstudent (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I asked my boyfriend of almost ten months who his top five women to have it off with would be. I was third. My mom was second. FML
I agree, your life sucks (63209) - you totally deserved it (8034)
On 03/30/2009 at 8:39pm - misc - by lucky (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I checked my facebook, and my wife of 5 years was listed as single. I then write on her wall that it is ok to announce to be married. She writes back saying that we have to talk and to come to the kitchen. My wife divorced me over facebook. FML
I agree, your life sucks (167472) - you totally deserved it (5320)
On 03/30/2009 at 5:34pm - love - by nothappywithlife (man) - United States (Illinois)
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