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kstevens29

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kstevens29
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  • Number of visits : 174
  • Number of comments : 5
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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kstevens29's favorite FMLs

Today, I sent my girlfriend a text saying, "Your the best girlfriend any man could have, and I think I may be in love with you." Ten minutes later, she responded with, "*you're". FML

#20530358
182 comments

Today, while mopping floors at the police station, an inmate pissed on the floor, demanded that I suck his dick, begged me for a glass of water and finally informed me that he would kill my family. I said nothing and he started weeping softly. I laughed, but slipped in his piss and broke my arm. FML

#20529783
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33588) - you deserved it (11181)

On 03/03/2013 at 5:21pm - work - by JimmyT (man) - Norway (Hordaland)

Today, I was taking a peaceful stroll in the local park when a curious turkey decided to follow me. Trying to shoo it away, I swung my leg at it, as if to fake kick it. Being the stupid animal it is, it decided to fly into my leg as I swung, causing my foot to connect to its neck. It died. FML

#20529231
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20324) - you deserved it (42750)

On 03/03/2013 at 9:40am - animals - by Anonymous - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I gave birth to my daughter in a hospital corridor. The nurse who took me to my room afterward tried to comfort me by saying there've been worse incidents; she said that two years ago, a lady gave birth in the parking lot. That was me too. FML

#20521872
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47787) - you deserved it (3183) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 02/25/2013 at 2:47pm - health - by laprochainefoisjerestealamaison (woman) - France (Languedoc-Roussillon)

Today, on my shift as a nurse, I asked a pregnant woman what she would name her child. She said she saw the name "Chlamydia" on a billboard and decided to name her daughter that, saying it was "beautiful." I informed her that it was an STD, and she replied, "Oh, well no one knows that!" FML

#20482313
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32736) - you deserved it (2097)

On 01/27/2013 at 11:36pm - kids - by andy (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to a family dinner. My grandma wasted no time calling me a slut for not wearing a dress, my dad called my police officer boyfriend a "fucking pig", and then he told my mother to "put a cock in it" when she defended me. No wonder I hardly ever visit these people. FML

#20466682
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34151) - you deserved it (2285)

On 01/18/2013 at 6:18pm - misc - by mel (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I tried to get my boyfriend to roll over while he was asleep. He snores loud enough to wake the neighbors and if he lays on his side he usually stops. Instead of rolling over, he stuck his leg in the air, farted twice, and laughed about it in his sleep. He's still snoring. FML

#20447496
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34401) - you deserved it (5046)

On 01/08/2013 at 2:44am - misc - by no sleep for me -

Today, I was at a café with my friends when an elderly man noticed my dimples. He came up to me, stroked them while whispering, "One in a million" then walked out. Now my friends do this to me constantly, even while driving home. I almost hit a tree. FML

#20440419
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30908) - you deserved it (2798)

On 01/03/2013 at 6:35am - misc - by Dimples (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my wife and I had a fight, which I thought we resolved. Later, while painting the kitchen, I told her to change into an old shirt she didn't care about. She made a huge show of putting her wedding gown on, veil and all. FML

#20436663
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34843) - you deserved it (4044)

On 01/01/2013 at 4:33pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)

Today, my wife and I had a fight, which I thought we resolved. Later, while painting the kitchen, I told her to change into an old shirt she didn't care about. She made a huge show of putting her wedding gown on, veil and all. FML

#20436663
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34843) - you deserved it (4044)

On 01/01/2013 at 4:33pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)

Today, a girl mistook me for her boyfriend and broke up with me because I'm "a liar and a cheating bastard." I've never seen her in my life, but I'm so lonely that I tried to convince her to give me another chance and stay with me. FML

#20427124
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37136) - you deserved it (7753)

On 12/28/2012 at 12:24am - love - by Alone - United States

Today, my boyfriend ended sex by yelling, "THIS IS SPARTA!" and using his foot to push me off the bed. FML

#20417691
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51204) - you deserved it (9253)

On 12/23/2012 at 11:55pm - intimacy - by Saradee (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was on my favourite forum when I saw a guy ranting at some pro-lifer fanatic. For fun, I replied "umad bro?" apparently moments after the forum founder also left an angry reply. I'm now banned for a month for "trolling the founder" and all my posts have vanished without a trace. FML

#20416791
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7922) - you deserved it (22565)

On 12/23/2012 at 5:24pm - misc - by you fuckhobbit (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I found out my new girlfriend is a screamer. This would normally turn me on, except she sounds like she's being murdered with a rusty fork. FML

#20193609
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25699) - you deserved it (2459)

On 12/06/2012 at 9:24am - intimacy - by Dontwaketheneighbors (man) - United States (California)



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