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kryxen

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kryxen
  • Town/Country : Vancouver, USA
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Friday 13 August 1982 (31 years)
  • Number of visits : 189
  • Number of comments : 41
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

About kryxen : Just started my new job as a trucker.

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kryxen's favorite FMLs

Today, I went down on the girl of my dreams. While I was down there, I started to put on a condom. As I came back up to start having sex, she told me she couldn't cheat on her boyfriend. FML

#21046118
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52344) - you deserved it (9398)

On 01/31/2014 at 10:29am - intimacy - by wtfjusthappened - United States (Washington)

Today, after three weeks of fighting with my husband, I found out that he really didn't create an account on a website for cheaters and charge the bill to his credit card. Our daughter did it as a prank, and only confessed because our fighting was stressing her out. FML

#21031747
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46037) - you deserved it (5211)

On 01/18/2014 at 1:16pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I downloaded Grindr to my phone. It also downloaded to my mom's phone, my dad's phone, and my brother's phone. FML

#21030290
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32608) - you deserved it (17074)

On 01/16/2014 at 9:51pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my new neighbor asked if I could keep my dog from yapping during the evenings, because it kept him awake last night. I don't have a dog, but I apologized anyway. I didn't have the heart to admit that those are the sounds my girlfriend makes during sex. FML

#21023843
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43668) - you deserved it (6193)

On 01/10/2014 at 7:24pm - intimacy - by lukas (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I walked in on my daughter shaving the testicles of her boyfriend, who had apparently snuck in through her window. FML

#20888905
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50448) - you deserved it (5069)

On 09/20/2013 at 12:30pm - intimacy - by disappointed (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I bought a live lobster to have for dinner. When my four year old daughter discovered it in the cooler, she thanked me incessantly for finally getting her a pet. She now won't let "Mr. Shelly" out of her sight. FML

#20883807
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41967) - you deserved it (7407)

On 09/16/2013 at 2:47pm - kids - by meganmagee (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, the mother of one of my students bitched me out about her son's poor grades. He lazes around all day, paying no attention and being a constant nuisance. But, she says it's not his fault, and demands that I give him better grades so he won't get "self-esteem" issues. FML

#20870380
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43815) - you deserved it (2650)

On 09/06/2013 at 4:36pm - work - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, I found out yet another of my guy friends liked me. I posted that I just wanted a guy friend that had absolutely no romantic feelings for me. My crush volunteered. FML

#20842536
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29782) - you deserved it (58234)

On 08/18/2013 at 12:41am - misc - by fail - United States

Today, my girlfriend convinced me to do some bedroom roleplay, and we decided on acting out a job interview scenario. I suggestively told her that if she wanted to get the job, she'd have to use her mouth on something else first. She called me a pig and ended the roleplay right there. FML

#20818899
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49538) - you deserved it (6503)

On 08/03/2013 at 4:01pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Portugal

Today, my friends took my work laptop and changed the sounds. Now, whenever I remove a USB device, a woman's voice screams "Put it back!" and when I insert a USB device, it says "Oh, you need to push it in harder!" I don't know how to change it back. FML

#20793994
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52489) - you deserved it (6064)

On 07/20/2013 at 11:45am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Delaware)

Today, as part of my veterinary degree, I had to demonstrate how to jerk off a dog in front of my entire class. Afterwards, the lecturer said that I have the 'magic touch'. FML

#20775868
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56198) - you deserved it (6634)

On 07/11/2013 at 11:18am - work - by vet1 (man) - South Africa (Gauteng)

Today, my 13-year-old daughter and I went to a tropical themed restaurant. She wanted a strawberry Daiquiri, so I asked the waitress for a virgin strawberry Daiquiri. My daughter then said, "But dad, I'm not a virgin." FML

#20775827
334 comments

I agree, your life sucks (92414) - you deserved it (10329)

On 07/11/2013 at 10:24am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were going to get intimate, so I masturbated before leaving my place, hoping it would help me last longer than usual. 10 minutes in, she shoved me off and started screaming at me, convinced that I've been cheating on her and practising with someone else. FML

#20543433
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44024) - you deserved it (9003)

On 03/14/2013 at 12:59pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)

Today, while at the store with my mom and baby brother, a guy started to talk to me. Just as he went to give me his number, my mom handed me my brother and said, "Here's your son, your AA meeting's in an hour, let's go." FML

#20423578
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47745) - you deserved it (4523)

On 12/26/2012 at 1:30pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, as her parents were supposed to be out of town, I stayed over with my girlfriend, and we ended up in bed together. Later on, while poking through the fridge, I heard footsteps, so I said, "Didn't think you'd be walking after that." I closed the fridge and saw her dad. FML

#20418714
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41610) - you deserved it (23008)

On 12/24/2012 at 1:02pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire)



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