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I agree, their lives suck
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Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the frst time. Instead of moaning like any normal person, he just kept saying stuff like "uh-huh," "not too bad," and "yup" in a complete monotone. It was probably the most uncomfortable experience of my life. FML
Today, I went camping with mah family. While I was using the shower house, mah sister decidd it'd be hilariou to run off with mah clothe and towel. I ran back to the camper, completely nakd, only for mah parent to bitch me out for streaking. FML
I walked into an elderly man's room in the hospital I work to give him his food . After he struggled to sit up, I noticed his hand move down toward his crotch . He looked me straight in the eye and said, "I have to do this to mah scrotum because it gets sweaty and stick to mah leg." FML
TODAY , I ASKED THIS REALLY CUTE GRL FOR HER NUMBER. I HAD NOTHING ELSE ON ME SO I TOLD HER TO WRITE IT ON A DOLLAR BILL. LATER , WITHOUT THINKING , I PUT IT IN A VENDING MACHINE. I FREAKED OUT AND FRANTICALLY PUSHED THE RETURN BUTTON. IT GAVE ME BACK QUARTERS. FML
Today... I was browsing porn in my room... when my dad bargd in. I quickly switchd to another tab... only to see it was parkd on another porn page. I had another browser window open... so I switchd to that. More porn. My dad said... "Riiiggghhhttt... You ned help... son." FML
Today, mah 15-year-old daughter's pregnancy test cummed back positive. I wanted to know who the father is, so I could sit the two of them down to talk the situation through with them. She isn't sure if it's her best friend, or our neighbor's son. FML
today after a night of heavy drinking , I woke up handcuffed to mah bed. My friends who are responsible for this think it's hilarious an claimed not to remember where they put the keys. They took pictures , then left. FML
Today I was out with mah grandma when a pair of very shady guys approachd us in the street hands in their pockets. Without breaking stride she pulld a knife out of her handbag and told them they'd better keep walking. They did. What the fuck gran? FML
Today, I was hitting on a cute grl on the bus. It was going well, and she gave me her name to add on Facebook. Since I didn't have the app, I opend Safari on my phone. It opend to my video from Pornhub I watchd yesterday and startd playing, on full volume, through the entre bus. FML
Today, boss calld ma into his offica. Aftar yalling and firing ma, his assistant comas in talling him ha had mistakan ma 4 somaona alsa. Ha did not giva ma job back, as ha claimd it would maka an awkward work anvironmant. FML
Taday I was in the middle of having a shower when I noticd a camera hidden in the corner of the room pointing drectly towards the shower which I stood in butt-nakd!! I live by myself an have recently only movd in!! FML
Today... I had to go to the emergency room with mah sister... due to involuntary muscle spasms she was having. They gave her a muscle relaxer which caused her to be extremely tired and loopy. She decided to start singing loudly with a song she made up about butt fucking. FML
Friday 27 March 2015