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kryssez

Offline (the 09/17/2014 at 9:38pm) | Search for a member

kryssez

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  • Number of visits : 48
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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kryssez's favorite FMLs

Today, I got married. I'm Jewish, and it's traditional to break a glass cup by stepping on it after giving the bride her ring. My brother thought it would be funny to replace the glass cup with a rubber one. I slipped and fell flat on my back. FML

#20478247
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33908) - you deserved it (3736)

On 01/25/2013 at 3:13pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. I went slowly to build up the excitement, and I thought it was working really well, until he sighed, "For fuck's sake, it's a dick, not a shotgun." and told me to stop embarrassing him. FML

#20399775
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34065) - you deserved it (8339)

On 12/14/2012 at 7:27pm - intimacy - by sucks at sucking (woman) - United Kingdom (Bournemouth)

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex when the condom broke. He told me to go put a tampon in to "soak up the kids". How did he graduate? FML

#20186465
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42940) - you deserved it (6708)

On 12/01/2012 at 9:54am - intimacy - by me. - United States

Today, I got into a car accident. The guy wouldn't give me his information, but instead stood there saying, "Like a good neighbor, Statefarm is there." FML

#20176033
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25337) - you deserved it (1778)

On 11/24/2012 at 12:55am - misc - by Read The Fine Print - United States (California)

Today, while working as a massage therapist, a client had me work on a very specific knot in his shoulder. He also happened to have a very detailed, very realistic tattoo of the crucifixion on his shoulder. I just spent 45 minutes violating Jesus. FML

#20173351
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20834) - you deserved it (3692)

On 11/22/2012 at 1:50am - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I posted on Facebook saying I'm in a new relationship. One of my buddies said, "You're cheating on Jill?" My girlfriend saw this and went completely nuts, not giving me a chance to explain that "Jill" is just a euphemism for your hand. FML

#19401228
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26523) - you deserved it (5245)

On 04/03/2012 at 2:10pm - love - by jackmehoffa (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I was out shopping. It was fine until my dental crossbow broke as I was laughing. The springs locked, and I couldn't close my mouth. The orthodontist couldn't see me for two hours, leaving me to walk around town with my mouth hanging open like a psychopath. FML

Today, I found out that the woman I'm currently dating used to be a man. FML

#14105227
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55360) - you deserved it (9368)

On 12/06/2010 at 7:24am - intimacy - by swindstorm -

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to take a short cut driving through the snow. I skidded to avoid an oncoming car and ended up in someone's garden, inches from their brand new extension. The house belonged to a police officer. FML

#14045212
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8444) - you deserved it (27027)

On 12/01/2010 at 5:03am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (South Lanarkshire)



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