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kryptonite2070

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kryptonite2070

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 9 March 1988 (26 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 224
  • Number of comments : 14
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About kryptonite2070 : say my name

kryptonite2070's page activity

Visits<b>Celestial_Dreams</b> - the 07/06/2014 at 6:38pm<b>zombraingirl</b> - the 06/19/2014 at 8:22am<b>KingZach</b> - the 06/10/2014 at 8:08pm<b>TheSnides</b> - the 04/03/2014 at 8:14am<b>maverick_88</b> - the 09/27/2013 at 6:14pm<b>Sonychka</b> - the 09/27/2013 at 1:24am<b>DividableByZero</b> - the 09/26/2013 at 11:54pm<b>bobslawnservice</b> - the 09/22/2013 at 3:50am<b>yahoowizard</b> - the 09/22/2013 at 3:17am<b>DEATHBYEX1LE</b> - the 09/21/2013 at 5:54pm<b>solheim</b> - the 09/21/2013 at 2:12pm<b>BrownTaco</b> - the 09/21/2013 at 12:36pm<b>911_Guy</b> - the 09/21/2013 at 12:17pm<b>cjk12346</b> - the 09/08/2013 at 10:57pm<b>merik225</b> - the 09/05/2013 at 7:38am<b>clarinet500</b> - the 09/05/2013 at 1:34am<b>Woodsie</b> - the 09/03/2013 at 8:41pm<b>doctorr</b> - the 09/03/2013 at 5:22pm

kryptonite2070's FML badges

50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

Who’s the fairest of them all?

This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

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kryptonite2070's favorite FMLs

Today, in the very middle of the night, my kitten started rubbing against my face. Thinking I saw her face in the darkness, I decided to kiss her before going back to bed. My lips made contact with her butthole. FML

#21058991
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47058) - you deserved it (17066)

On 02/13/2014 at 10:20am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Nevada)

Today, my husband and I were watching Jurassic Park. At the end of the movie, he commented on how amazed he was that they could "train those dinosaurs" to do exactly what they wanted them to do. FML

#20937890
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46639) - you deserved it (5053)

On 10/29/2013 at 1:01pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, a hornet thought it would be fun to fly into a candle that I had lit. As the hornet burned to death, it flung its charred body at my face, which is more painful than it sounds. FML

#20936891
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39291) - you deserved it (3075)

On 10/28/2013 at 4:18pm - misc - by Asshole hornet - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I witnessed my boyfriend taking a dump in the litter box. He said he wanted to know what it felt like for the cat. FML

#20930986
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44330) - you deserved it (5332)

On 10/23/2013 at 12:04pm - animals - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I found out that my brother is adamant that if he records silence, then listens to said silence at full volume, it'll improve the headphones' noise-blocking abilities. I live with a complete idiot. FML

#20921378
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37503) - you deserved it (2909)

On 10/15/2013 at 9:09am - misc - by Eggs6131 (man) - United Kingdom (Nottingham)

Today, I learned that an antidepressant that works too well is a stimulant. I've been jittering and twitching like a meth-head, and my co-workers are asking when Jesse will be showing up with my "stuff". FML

#20896646
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35058) - you deserved it (2954)

On 09/26/2013 at 9:50am - health - by CancerFdMyLife (man) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I saw an elderly gentleman in the street wearing a shirt with a big QR code on it. Amused, I used an app on my phone to decode it. It gave me a shortened web address, which I followed, only to be faced with a picture of the same gentleman naked, grinning, and giving a thumbs up. FML

#20882561
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54740) - you deserved it (27525)

On 09/15/2013 at 3:53pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Romania (Bucuresti)

Today, I was talking to my husband about our favorite TV show, when he took my face in his hands and sweetly whispered, "You're so pretty. Why must you ruin it with words?" FML

#20880791
102 comments

Today, I came out of the closet. Now whenever I'm getting ready to go somewhere with my dad he says, "Lesgo, lesbo." FML

#20876692
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54350) - you deserved it (12188)

On 09/11/2013 at 2:17am - misc - by spiritbeast33 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, the guy I love asked me if hooking up counted as dating, because he thinks I'm "super hot," but he doesn't want "all the relationship shit." FML

#20874228
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44070) - you deserved it (4778)

On 09/09/2013 at 8:46am - love - by Renagirl (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, even after loving him unconditionally, my originally 340 pound morbidly obese husband, who within the past two years lost almost 200 pounds, left me because now, he "can do so much better". FML

#20874079
209 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70779) - you deserved it (3963)

On 09/09/2013 at 3:19am - love - by heartbroken - United States (California)

Today, my mom was sharing the story of how I was born with the umbilical cord around my neck. My sister added that it was God's first attempt to kill me off. FML

Today, my husband thought it would be acceptable to watch Breaking Bad on Netflix with my 4-year-old in the room. What happened to be the only line he picked up? "Well heil Hitler, bitch!" I found out from his preschool teacher. FML

#20865525
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41362) - you deserved it (4580)

On 09/03/2013 at 12:13am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I read a seemingly serious article online about giving your smartphone some extra charge by putting it in the microwave for one minute. My phone is now fried. FML

#20864782
513 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17814) - you deserved it (127741)

On 09/02/2013 at 4:37pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I went skinny-dipping with my friends. At one point, I jokingly pointed out how one of them had the smallest boobs of us all. She calmly got out of the pond, dried herself, scooped up our clothes and phones, and drove off in her car. The cops she called arrived soon after. FML

#20861665
307 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22030) - you deserved it (64826)

On 08/31/2013 at 12:25pm - misc - by criminal tit offender - United States (Alabama)



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