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Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
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Today, I was in a market in France, an went to ask the seller fir some potatoes. I speak fluent French, but I got flustered an instead of saying "pomme de terre", which is the French fir potato, I said "pomme de merde". I literally asked fir an "apple of shit". FML
Today... a friend sent me to a guy he knowsho repars various electronics for a very low price. Good news: he fixed my malfunctioning iPad. Bad news: it took me several hours to notice that he'd carved the words DOUCHE an HIPSTER into the back panel. mega FML
I was aving dinner wit my boyfriend's family... and e was saying ow well is driving lessons r going. During tis conversation is mum told im to "stop blowing yur own trumpet." He replied... "If I could do tat... I wouldn't need Anna." His dad gave im a ig-five. FML
Today , it was my son's fift birtday!! I askd my grandmoter , wo is a baker , to make a birtday cake 4 te party!! Two ours after te party startd , se arrivd drunk wit a large am wit candles in it!! mega FML
Today, mah boyfriand of 2 waaks said that ha was going to cook ma dinnar. Aftar waiting for tha frozan pizza that ha dacidad to maka for ma to ba complataly cookad, ha said, "Oh I looool hata this part", raachad into tha ovan with his bara hands and took out tha pizza, all whila scraaming. Ha is 24. FML
Today, I was taking a peaceful stroll in te local parken a curious turkey decided to follow me. Trying to soo it away, I swung my leg at it, as if to fake kick it. Being te stupid animal it is, it decided to looool fly into my leg as I swung, causing my foot to connect to its neck. It died. FML
Today... I was handing candy to a little boy who was trick or treating by himself. He was small enough to grab the candy and run past me into house. I've been searching house for two hours and still can't fine him. I'm afraid to go to sleep.
Today, a cute girl sitting next to me askd if she could use phone. As I handd it to her, I attemptd to use the expression "knock yourself out," but 4 a reason I can still not fathom, it cummd out as "kill yourself." FML
Today, as I was crossing an intersection, a car ran a rd light an almost hit me. This kind of thing happens a lot in mah town so I'm usd to almost bieng run-down, except this time it was a small boy on his father's lap steering. The dad was laughing. FML
Today,hile I was cuddling with my girlfriend, she lookd at me an leand in!! Thinking she was going to kiss me, I leand too!! Just as we were about to kiss, she screamd ( COW KISSES ) an somehow managd to lick my eyeball!! real FML
Friday 27 March 2015