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Today, I came home to find a pregnancy test in my trashcan. I live alone with my boyfriend and I'm not pregnant. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32428) - you deserved it (1943)
On 12/29/2012 at 7:22pm - love - by melas303 - United States
Today, I was driving without my seatbelt on, when I noticed a police car approaching. I panicked and desperately fumbled around for my seatbelt, only for them to pass by with just a funny look. Then it hit me that I was riding my motorcycle. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19618) - you deserved it (32647) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
Today, I woke up to find my boyfriend using my hand to wank. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35471) - you deserved it (6355)
On 12/28/2012 at 6:40am - intimacy - by kmtranter - United Kingdom (Brent)
Today, while sharing a few beers on the couch with my boyfriend, he drunkenly uttered the fateful words, "Babe, if I could suck my own dick, you'd be single as HELL." FML
I agree, your life sucks (40580) - you deserved it (4405)
On 12/27/2012 at 7:24pm - intimacy - by well, i am now (woman) - United States
Today, my boyfriend ended sex by yelling, "THIS IS SPARTA!" and using his foot to push me off the bed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45285) - you deserved it (7296)
On 12/23/2012 at 11:55pm - intimacy - by Saradee (woman) - United States (California)
Today, after sharing my first night in bed with my boyfriend, I woke up early, and decided to rouse him with some surprise oral. It didn't go so well; he woke up screaming and gasped, "OH MY GOD! I thought you were my cat!" before telling me to continue. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31232) - you deserved it (5400)
On 12/21/2012 at 8:16pm - intimacy - by anonymaiacciu (woman) - France
Today, just for old time's sake, I decided to jump on my bed. I ended up hitting my head on the spinning fan and knocking myself unconscious. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7894) - you deserved it (26070)
On 10/13/2012 at 2:45am - health - by lalalalainie - United States (California)
Today, I let my daughter bake a cake for her brother's fifth birthday party. She showed up later with a cake in the shape of a cock and balls. Apparently it's okay, though, because "I frosted it to look like a rocket, hehehe!" I can't believe my balls spawned this moron. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15934) - you deserved it (4473)
On 06/29/2012 at 5:39pm - misc - by Nick (man) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, my boss became obsessed with a movie about a pimp. He now refers to all my female coworkers as his "bitches" and refuses to treat us like human beings. Whenever we make a mistake, he rolls his eyes and laughs, "So typical of a prostie." FML
I agree, your life sucks (26285) - you deserved it (2075)
On 06/04/2012 at 11:47pm - work - by kufan1324 - United States
Today, I punched myself in the face while trying to put my bra on. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18084) - you deserved it (5009)
On 04/07/2012 at 11:15am - misc - by anniemeece (woman) - United States (California)
Today, things started to heat up in the bedroom. Not in a sexual way, though; the lamp caught fire. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19477) - you deserved it (1830)
On 03/26/2012 at 5:11am - intimacy - by pmek - Australia (Victoria)
Today, while I was watching TV, my boyfriend took my unicorn pillow pet and made it hump my arm. I told him to stop acting like a child. He replied, "Children don't have sex like this," and started making sex noises while making the pillow pet hump my arm faster and harder. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22158) - you deserved it (7676)
On 12/04/2011 at 8:01am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I got a boner at the dentist. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27624) - you deserved it (6125)
On 10/27/2011 at 2:40am - intimacy - by Me - United States
Today, I had to take my dog to the vet for him to be put to sleep. I could feel the cold, hard shaft of irony slide its way up my ass and slowly fuck me senseless with every step I took on this beautiful National Dog Day. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25404) - you deserved it (4085)
On 08/26/2011 at 1:49pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States
Today, after pulling an all-nighter, I fell asleep at the beach. My friends took the opportunity to bury me in the sand, place food all around me, and wait for a flock of hungry seagulls to attack me. To top it off, they taped it all. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24189) - you deserved it (5173)
On 08/13/2011 at 3:12pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)
Monday 17 June 2013
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