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krayzie2392

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krayzie2392
  • Town/Country : Miami, United States
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 902
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

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krayzie2392's favorite FMLs

Today, I accidentally decoded the system my parents use for talking about sex while I'm around. It's a substituion cipher, using literary references. As they're both lit. professors, this has me perpetually grossed-out and wondering, "Are they really talking about Anne Frank, or anal fisting?" FML

#20042325
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19359) - you deserved it (1684)

On 08/26/2012 at 5:21am - misc - by ewww (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I accidentally decoded the system my parents use for talking about sex while I'm around. It's a substituion cipher, using literary references. As they're both lit. professors, this has me perpetually grossed-out and wondering, "Are they really talking about Anne Frank, or anal fisting?" FML

#20042325
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19359) - you deserved it (1684)

On 08/26/2012 at 5:21am - misc - by ewww (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my boyfriend and I were talking about being super heroes. He said I could be "The Period" because I'm a bitch. FML

#20040696
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17068) - you deserved it (7858)

On 08/25/2012 at 8:47am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was enjoying a romantic cuddle on the couch with my boyfriend, when he suddenly decided to lift up my shirt, stick his face into my boobs, and go all Darth Vader on me. This included heavy breathing and phrases such as, "Amber... I am your boyfriend." FML

#20024327
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18429) - you deserved it (4644)

On 08/16/2012 at 11:16am - love - by Amberain (woman) - United Kingdom (Halton)

Today, my boyfriend cutely climbed through my bedroom window for some sexy time. He decided he'd introduce bondage. As I was tied to the bed, completely naked, we heard the front door open. He got scared and left via the window, leaving me handcuffed to my bed. FML

Today, I was at the mall, when a guy started screaming at his buddy for sleeping with his sister. It was pretty hilarious, so when he stormed off, I mockingly yelled, "Pussy!" He then whirled around and beat the absolute hell out of his friend. Now I feel like I'm going to reincarnate as a turd. FML

#20011677
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5724) - you deserved it (43930)

On 08/09/2012 at 3:51pm - misc - by feelsterrible (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I found one of my mom's old diaries that dated back to my infant days. I couldn't help but read a little. I'm now in great concern over how many times my mom wrote that she wanted to dunk me in the toilet or throw me against a wall. FML

#20010632
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20721) - you deserved it (3179)

On 08/09/2012 at 12:19am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I found one of my mom's old diaries that dated back to my infant days. I couldn't help but read a little. I'm now in great concern over how many times my mom wrote that she wanted to dunk me in the toilet or throw me against a wall. FML

#20010632
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20721) - you deserved it (3179)

On 08/09/2012 at 12:19am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my mom called me screaming and cussing because she found pot in my room. I come home and my dad says, "I hid some pot in your room and I'm not letting you go to that concert if you rat me out." My dad is apparently a blackmailing 52-year-old stoner. FML

#20006521
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24070) - you deserved it (1456)

On 08/06/2012 at 9:40pm - misc - by Joe Lizen - United States (Illinois)

Today, I found out that the only reason my boyfriend got a job was so that he could buy weed. FML

#19898504
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17837) - you deserved it (5853)

On 07/06/2012 at 1:46am - misc - by hopeless (woman) - United States

Today, I found out just how easy it is to be launched against the wall and sucker-punched into oblivion by a 200-pound former Marine turned professional body-builder. I discovered this after I told my fiancée's dad that we were expecting a baby. FML

#19867923
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21866) - you deserved it (3755)

On 06/29/2012 at 7:57pm - health - by fuckjuggalos (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I let my daughter bake a cake for her brother's fifth birthday party. She showed up later with a cake in the shape of a cock and balls. Apparently it's okay, though, because "I frosted it to look like a rocket, hehehe!" I can't believe my balls spawned this moron. FML

#19867387
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16462) - you deserved it (4526)

On 06/29/2012 at 5:39pm - misc - by Nick (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I confronted my daughter about the various drug-associated items I found in her room. She then confronted me about going in her room and invading her privacy, to the point where I forgot the main issue and apologised to her. I just got outsmarted by a teenage pothead. FML

#19857408
272 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7491) - you deserved it (26296)

On 06/27/2012 at 7:28pm - kids - by apparantlyStupid - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my grandmother said she's noticed that I've been very angry lately. She came to the conclusion that I "haven't been laid enough" and my boyfriend is "not doing his job." Thanks Grandma. FML

#19855906
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23583) - you deserved it (4114)

On 06/27/2012 at 1:18pm - intimacy - by RatCityChick - United States (Washington)

Today, while cashiering at the drug store, I saw my ex-boyfriend, who I'm still completely in love with. Being the only cashier, I had to ring him up. He was buying condoms. FML

#19853920
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32820) - you deserved it (2790)

On 06/27/2012 at 1:05am - love - by tammy (woman) - United States (California)



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