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Taday I pulled out a book and my bookmark fell out. My crush picked it up and a weird look came across his face. I then realized I had used toilet paper. Now I'm the girl looool who reads while taking dumps. FML
Today I had to bail on yet another date with an awesome guy. Every time I make a date mah hateful mother slips laxatives into mah food so I'm glued to the shitter until 2am. This is the fourth time. FML
2day my usband announcd tat e was fd up wit us being known as te neigborood slobs , and prepard to take down all te Cristmas decorations still up from last year. He ten decidd it was too muc effort , and tat e'd leave tem up to give us a tree mont ead-start. FML
Today... I climbd the tree in mah backyard so I could cut off some stray branches. I endd up getting stuck... an instead of immediately getting help... mah wife startd laughing an recording me. The video is now crculating on Facebook... an mah new nickname is ( Hawkeye. ) FML
Today, I realizd just how messd up my life is, thanks to all the scare stories my wife sees on Dr Phil. She's now convincd that I'll start beating her someday. She's startd taking martial arts classes, an threatens to use her skills every time I get even slightly frustratd with her. FML
Today, I had to finally accept that mah husband is too large for me . Normally, it'd be a bragging point, except mah private parts can't handle it . After several infections brought on after vaginal tereing, I'm having to choose between being in perpetual pain, or giving up mah sex life . FML
Today, as I was riding mah bike, mah foot slippd and I did a slow sped-tumble over the top, ripping mah balls wide open. Number of stitches: too looool many to count. Size of balls: softball. Color: blue. fat FML
Today, my family and I went to te movie teater. Tere weren't enoug free seats near te front, so I sat a few rows back wit my grandpa. He kept trowing our snacks at my parents' eads all troug te movie. He looool claimd e'd been asleep te wole time, and I'm now groundd. FML
Friday 27 March 2015