knucky98

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knucky98

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 698
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

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knucky98's favorite FMLs

Today, after eight months of unemployment, I finally started at my new night job. Shortly after walking in, my boss came up behind me, whispered "hooorse dicksss" in my ear, and walked off without another word. I am terrified. FML

by Anonymous / 09/29/2012 at 8:11pm / United States (Colorado) / Work

Today, my 5-year-old, overweight Siberian Husky tackled me because he thought that my lipstick was food. FML

by emilyhendrix0414 / 09/28/2012 at 6:53am / United States / Animals

Today, I had a date with a guy from the Internet. I'm 6ft1, which tends to put potential dates off, so I'd slyly knocked a few inches off my description. Turns out he'd done the same. He'd added a whole foot to his height. I had to crouch to talk to him. FML

by TallGal / 09/14/2012 at 4:26am / United States (Arizona) / Love

Today, my boyfriend told me to text him when I got home to let him know I'd made it home safe. He said if I didn't, he'd assume that aliens had abducted me and that he'd get a new girlfriend. He was completely serious. FML

by TaffyMichele / 09/13/2012 at 7:38pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, I invited my boyfriend to his first dinner out with my family. As my older brother was discussing the injuries he'd received while working as a tow truck driver, my innocent 10 year old brother piped up saying he should see what I did to my boyfriend's back with my nails. FML

by SerendipityRose / 09/13/2012 at 1:03pm / United States (California) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I had my girlfriend over to meet my parents. After dinner, we were in the living room talking. My dad thought it would be funny to grab our cat, stick it down his shirt, then pretend to give birth to it, with sound effects. FML

by Sprtsgeek13 / 09/13/2012 at 8:37am / United States (Maine) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found an enormous raccoon in my backyard. After a couple of nasty scratches, I finally managed to capture the filthy animal. After calling animal control to relocate it, I waited for hours to learn that "relocating" actually means releasing it into my front yard 10 feet away. FML

by anonymous / 09/13/2012 at 2:02am / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I held hands with a male mannequin in a department store, just to remember what holding hands felt like. FML

by Anonymous / 09/12/2012 at 8:26pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, a creepy girl from my class wouldn't stop texting me and trying to call me. In order to get her to stop, I texted back saying that I was at my mom's house for a family dinner. She replied, "No you're not. I can see you right now." FML

by Anonymous / 09/12/2012 at 5:06pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was late for class. I have extreme social anxiety, so I quietly slipped into the huge, packed auditiorium, trying to be as quiet as possible. When I was almost to my seat, I accidentally kicked a teacher's coffee down the steps. The entire class looked at me and clapped. FML

by conspicuous / 09/12/2012 at 4:11pm / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, my 2-year-old cat finally decided to start catching mice. Like any other cat would, she left it for me to find. I found it in the middle of the night, as my bare foot rolled its guts out of its ass. FML

by shadokis / 09/12/2012 at 2:31pm / United States (North Carolina) / Animals

Today, my book bag was so heavy that it set off my car's passenger detection system in the front seat. I had to buckle in my textbooks. FML

by Anonymous / 09/12/2012 at 12:05pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, I had just bought a new $60 basketball and decided to go try it out. Five minutes into playing, the ball decided to roll into the hands of a little girl, who then said, "Mine". I thought it was cute, until she skipped over to her parent's car and they drove off. FML

by Bitchjackedmyball / 09/12/2012 at 4:52am / United States (Hawaii) / Kids

Today, I learned that I'm expecting twins. A boy and a girl. My husband, upon finding out about this, immediately suggested that we give them Star Wars names. But not Luke and Leia. Oh no. He wants to name them Darth and Vayda. And he is absolutely serious about this. FML

by AGeeksWife / 09/12/2012 at 3:03am / United States (Wisconsin) / Kids

Today, I was pulled over. The cop stated that he "couldn't see" me because I had "blended in with the dark car background", and that it looked like no one was driving. I was literally pulled over for being black. FML

by Anonymous / 09/12/2012 at 3:00am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous