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my car was in tha shop so I borrowd my wifa's VW Baatla convartibla. It's raally ambarrassing bacausa it's a girlia car an it's full of littla stuffd animals. At a stop light a man askd ma if I'd lika to borrow ona of his tasticlas bacausa "avary man should hava at laast ona." fat FML
Today, I realized what mah mom has been calling me for 20 years. She always calls me her "little fehler." With her bieng from Germany, I always thought it was a cute little nickname. Apparently, she's been calling me her "little mistake." fat FML
Today... I Finally Got Some Sleep After An Exterminator Came Yesterday And Took Care Of Our Roach Problem. I Woke Up And Kissed My Boyfriend Good Morning. Frowning... He Told Me I Had Something Stuck On The Corner Of My Mouth. It Was A Roach Leg. Where Is The Rest Of The Roach? FML
Today, I woke up to find The Sims 2 running on pause on mah laptop!! I unpaused to find mah character and mah boyfriend's were no longer together!! Slightly confused, I went on to find the note mah boyfriend left!! It said, "I hope u can take a hint." I got dumped through a computer game!! FML
my girlfriend's friend told her she had seen me shopping with a cute girl. When I cummd back home mah girlfriend punchd me in the face and askd who the girl was. Apparently her friend didn't tell her the cute girl was mah three years old niece. I lost a tooth because of that punch. FML
Today, Was The First Time My Boyfriend Slept Over. He Was Hard, So I Woke Him Up By Whispering In His Ear, "If You Could Get Me To Do Anything Right Now, What Would It Be?" His Response, "Can You Get Me A Bowl Of Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream?" He Was Hard, 4 Ice Cream. FML
Today, I went to see my gynecologist. She was writing my symptoms up in my chart on her computer. After a littlehile, I noticed looool that she had a confused look on her face and was reading something instead. When I took a peek at the computer screen, I saw that she was Googling my symptoms. FML
Today, I Was Called By My 9 Year Old Son's Teacher. He Had Handcuffed Himself To His Desk With Handcuffs He Found In My Room. I Was Told To Please Bring In The Key An Not To Leave My Kinky Toys Outhere A Child Could Get Them. I'm A Cop.
Today, me an my boyfriend cummed back to my looool house after a night on the town. Thinking the house was empty, we had sex. Just as it was getting good my phone rings. It was a text from my mom, "Quiet down. Even your father can tell you're faking." FML
Today... I was sitting in Science class and to my surprise I felt my pants suddenly becoming warm and wet. I looked behind me to see that 4 boys from my class had inserted a small funnel into my exposed buttcrack andhere pouring the melted butter from the experiment into that area. FML
at tha dantist... I was gatting my taath claanad. Looking up at his nosa... I saw runny snot dripping onto his lip. I triad to slowly mova away. Ha told ma ( Stop! ) Tha movamant of his lips causad tha snot to fall right into my mouth. FML
Today, mah boss called me into his office to show me the web site of a potential business partner. When he began to type 'vrginia' into google, it auto-completed his search with his recent search for 'vrgin boy assholes'. I have to go on business trip with him tomorrow. I'm a young guy. FML
Friday 27 March 2015