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knightblade890

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knightblade890

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knightblade890's favorite FMLs

Today, I walked downstairs with a couple of bags full of stuff, in preparation for a sleepover at my friend's house. My nine-year-old cousin looked at me and said, "Where're you going? Fat camp?" FML

#20064659
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18521) - you deserved it (3410)

On 09/09/2012 at 1:02pm - health - by Char (woman) - United Kingdom (Falkirk)

Today, while having sex with my girlfriend in the bathroom, we heard a knock at the door, then her father's voice. I had to fake constipation noises until he left. FML

#20053940
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21862) - you deserved it (12060)

On 09/02/2012 at 11:38am - intimacy - by scot - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I found my husband's journal, and along with it the real reason he took so long to show up to our wedding rehearsals last year. According to the journal, it was because he was too busy wooing a married mother of five and sticking his "slut-banger all up in that fat booty." FML

#19965581
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28086) - you deserved it (2729)

On 07/20/2012 at 10:12pm - misc - by divorce? i think so (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I told my boyfriend I wanted to spice up our sex life. He suggested incorporating bacon. He was serious. FML

#19959638
250 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23876) - you deserved it (5452)

On 07/19/2012 at 4:29pm - intimacy - by cortanaisahobot - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I told my boyfriend I wanted to spice up our sex life. He suggested incorporating bacon. He was serious. FML

#19959638
250 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23876) - you deserved it (5452)

On 07/19/2012 at 4:29pm - intimacy - by cortanaisahobot - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I auditioned for the role of Rizzo in a local production of Grease. The director told me I wasn't tough enough, and that my persona too sweet and childlike for the part. I asked if I should instead try out to play Sandy. He replied "I was being nice. Honestly, you're ugly and can't act." FML

#19952455
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25390) - you deserved it (4074)

On 07/18/2012 at 12:02am - misc - by anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I nailed every single move in my routine at a gymnastics competition. I then finished off with a perfect split, letting out a fart loud enough to wake up a kid in China. FML

#19928978
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33210) - you deserved it (2830)

On 07/12/2012 at 4:35pm - misc - by LetItRip - Czech Republic (Hlavni mesto Praha)

Today, in an attempt to be sexy, my boyfriend picked me up and threw me down onto the bed. I fell straight through it. FML

#19870376
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30368) - you deserved it (5051)

On 06/30/2012 at 5:45am - intimacy - by Anonymous -

Today, I am on vacation in the Smoky Mountains with my parents. They just decided to take me to the place I was conceived seventeen years ago: a bench at a public park. FML

#19673132
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24771) - you deserved it (2186)

On 05/24/2012 at 2:59pm - intimacy - by anon - United States (Texas)

Today, I finally told my roommate, who doesn't pay rent, to go get a job. He left, came back, and immediately went to my refrigerator to eat. I asked him about his job and what his pay is. Apparently, putting together a bike for a kid is a job. FML

#19671365
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17042) - you deserved it (2335)

On 05/24/2012 at 3:41am - money - by hunterjumper1212 - United States (California)

Today, I finally told my roommate, who doesn't pay rent, to go get a job. He left, came back, and immediately went to my refrigerator to eat. I asked him about his job and what his pay is. Apparently, putting together a bike for a kid is a job. FML

#19671365
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17042) - you deserved it (2335)

On 05/24/2012 at 3:41am - money - by hunterjumper1212 - United States (California)

Today, the "My body is beautiful" t-shirt that my therapist gave me didn't fit. FML

#19644277
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25854) - you deserved it (5916)

On 05/18/2012 at 10:46pm - health - by msassy - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I had to collect my daughter from the hospital. Her boyfriend was even more upset than she was, because his iPhone's screen was damaged beyond repair when the doctor pulled it out of my daughter's vagina. FML

#19631928
472 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47061) - you deserved it (4367)

On 05/16/2012 at 12:10pm - intimacy - by smart move there (woman) - Ireland (Kildare)

Today, I discovered that my acne glows yellow and orange under black lights while in front of a wall of them at a club. FML

#19630499
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21235) - you deserved it (2199)

On 05/16/2012 at 12:43am - health - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while at the store, I realized how socially inept I am when I said "excuse me" to a shopping cart because it was in my way. FML



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