knightblade890

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knightblade890

0Fucked!

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  • Number of visits : 1605
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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50 favourites

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knightblade890's favorite FMLs

Today, I asked my girlfriend to marry me. She pretended not to hear me. FML

by anonymous / 12/22/2012 at 7:50am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love

Today, after sharing my first night in bed with my boyfriend, I woke up early, and decided to rouse him with some surprise oral. It didn't go so well; he woke up screaming and gasped, "OH MY GOD! I thought you were my cat!" before telling me to continue. FML

by anonymaiacciu / 12/21/2012 at 8:16pm / France / Intimacy

Today, my mother has stooped to a new level of "hiding" Christmas gifts. She now just dumps them in the middle of the floor and says, "Don't look at them." If she even thinks I'm glancing in the direction of the pile, she will burst into a manic rage, and yell at me for "ruining the surprise." FML

by Mandy93 / 12/20/2012 at 8:57am / Germany (Rheinland-Pfalz) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend told me his Christmas gift to me was custom made. I told my parents in excitement, thinking it could possibly be a ring. Half an hour later he told me what it was; a molded dildo of his penis. It's going to be an awkward conversation with my parents when they ask what I got. FML

by djl / 12/20/2012 at 12:30am / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy

Today, my bra clasp broke in the middle of a job interview. I got the job on the spot. I'm scared to report into work. FML

by Anonymous / 12/19/2012 at 5:06pm / United States / Work

Today, my boyfriend of 6 years proposed to me. Less than 3 hours later, he panicked and made me give the ring back. FML

by mahanaaa_23 / 12/19/2012 at 3:47pm / United States (Hawaii) / Love

Today, a friend informed me that my dog's name means "penis" in Greek. I live in a predominantly Greek neighbourhood, and apparently I've been screaming for "dong" every evening for the past 3 years. No wonder they don't talk to me much. FML

by Dog_Lover / 12/18/2012 at 10:30am / Canada (Quebec) / Miscellaneous

Today, I accidentally knocked over a mall Santa on his way to meet some children. I've never had that many hate-filled eyes on me at once. FML

by Anonymous / 12/18/2012 at 12:15am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, my fiancé called off our engagement after I contested his belief that women stop having periods after they are married. FML

by kidyounot / 12/17/2012 at 7:29pm / United States (Georgia) / Love

Today, my boyfriend grabbed my boob, shook it savagely, and shouted "Earthquake!" FML

by Ape / 12/17/2012 at 6:12pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my husband told my mother-in-law that we're trying to have a baby. She decided to call me and explain in extreme detail what positions to try, and when. FML

by crazy mother in law / 12/17/2012 at 1:48pm / Intimacy

Today, I had to break up with my boyfriend when I caught him installing cameras in my bathroom. FML

by Sarah / 12/17/2012 at 7:25am / United States (Georgia) / Love

Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend, when he suddenly grabbed my front. He said, in a sexy voice, "Is that your boob?". He had grabbed a fat roll. FML

by ToughTitties / 12/14/2012 at 8:45am / United Kingdom (Essex) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, when my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, I got a nose bleed. He gave me a shirt to plug it with and kept going. FML

by anon / 12/08/2012 at 12:33am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I was enjoying a nice bath, when one of my cats jumped up on the rim and started purring. I thought it was sweet, until my other cat ran in and body-slammed the first into the tub with me. Being a conscientious cat owner, I hadn't de-clawed them. FML

by Neutered / 11/27/2012 at 2:52pm / United States (Alaska) / Animals