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knightblade890

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knightblade890

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  • Number of visits : 549
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50 favourites

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knightblade890's favorite FMLs

Today, within the first 15 minutes of a nonstop 8-hour flight, the guy sitting next to me picked an eyelash he found on my face, stared at it for a few seconds, and stuck it in his mouth. FML

#20447129
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41232) - you deserved it (2315)

On 01/07/2013 at 11:16pm - misc - by legitweirdo - United States (New York)

Today, I woke up after sleeping with my boyfriend for the first time. I rolled over and smiled at him, and the first thing he said was, "You farted. A lot." FML

#20446049
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29151) - you deserved it (5998)

On 01/07/2013 at 10:40am - love - by gassy - United States (Texas)

Today, I had to beg my husband not to shave his pubic hair into a handlebar moustache. FML

#20442876
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19046) - you deserved it (3694)

On 01/04/2013 at 7:31pm - love - by marisa (woman) - Ireland (Carlow)

Today, I learned that toddlers cannot fully digest raisins. I learned this first-hand when my 15-month-old began pooping them whole. In the bathtub. FML

#20442461
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18537) - you deserved it (6640)

On 01/04/2013 at 11:59am - kids - by Raela (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I bought an eye mask to help me sleep during the day, as I work night shifts. Upon waking up after my first time using it, I forgot I was wearing it and thought I had gone blind, causing me to fall out of the bed and split my head open on my bedside table. FML

#20442267
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20282) - you deserved it (11091)

On 01/04/2013 at 5:13am - health - by idiot - Sweden

Today, my boyfriend called me anti-social. To prove him wrong I texted one of my friends. She texted back, "Who's this??" FML

#20442068
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19546) - you deserved it (7144)

On 01/04/2013 at 1:18am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I was getting a spray tan and realized I didn't have a hair tie, so I used a thong instead. I lost track of time and realized I needed to go pick up my daughter. I threw on my clothes, drove to pick her up, went to the store, and went for ice cream... thong still in my hair. FML

#20438564
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12677) - you deserved it (41787)

On 01/02/2013 at 12:33pm - health - by Embarrassed - United States

Today, my husband came home with a bunch of realistic-looking wigs for women. When I asked them what they were for, he said he wanted to spice up our sex life with them. When I told him I refused to wear a wig, he said in a very serious tone that I wasn't going to be the one wearing them, he was. FML

#20438198
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40309) - you deserved it (6224)

On 01/02/2013 at 5:34am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my neighbor went on vacation, leaving me in charge of his cat and dog. For some reason, he calls his dog "Cat" and his cat "Dog". There are two pet food containers, one labeled "Cat" and the other labeled "Dog". I have no idea which one goes to which animal. FML

#20437796
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37672) - you deserved it (4001)

On 01/02/2013 at 1:07am - animals - by catdog - United States (California)

Today, my wife and I had a fight, which I thought we resolved. Later, while painting the kitchen, I told her to change into an old shirt she didn't care about. She made a huge show of putting her wedding gown on, veil and all. FML

#20436663
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40812) - you deserved it (5791)

On 01/01/2013 at 4:33pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)

Today, my roommate stumbled in drunk at 5am with 3 Big Macs, and passed out on the floor after eating them. This happens almost every night. I stay in, study, work, and go to the gym almost everyday. And she still has better grades, a better body, and makes more money than me. FML

#20436604
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51281) - you deserved it (3944)

On 01/01/2013 at 4:00pm - misc - by apparentlythereisnokarma - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I have been single and out of the game for so long that instead of having real wet dreams, I now dream about jacking off. FML

#20436185
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35651) - you deserved it (6154)

On 01/01/2013 at 12:26pm - intimacy - by lonely dreams - United States (Nevada)

Today, I can hear my flatmate masturbating loudly and asking himself if he likes it. And replying. FML

#20436012
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50991) - you deserved it (3850)

On 01/01/2013 at 10:20am - intimacy - by ashbeat - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, as I have been for 10 years, I'm allergic to fruit. After an argument with my mother, she yelled, "Here, have a banana and go kill yourself!" FML

#20434659
217 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46418) - you deserved it (7040) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 12/31/2012 at 5:09pm - misc - by aelia_oups - Sent from mobile version

Today, my dad asked me when I was going to start looking for a job. Jokingly, I told him next year. He got pissed, started to yell, then realized Tuesday is New Year's Day and grounded me for "being a dumbass." FML

#20432925
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27434) - you deserved it (8265)

On 12/30/2012 at 10:51pm - work - by BAMN2187 - United States



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