knightblade890

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knightblade890

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  • Number of visits : 1163
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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knightblade890's favorite FMLs

Today, I decided to go to a UV-light party dressed all in white. Before leaving, my little brother dumped a glass of tomato juice over my head saying, "Now you look just like a used tampon!" FML

by Mary / 01/13/2013 at 10:49am / Czech Republic / Miscellaneous

Today, I was making wedding plans with my fiancé. His mother kept complaining about everything, and insisted it was pointless to plan because it's just our "first marriage." She then tried to convince him to dump me and move back in with her because "she's all he'll ever need." FML

by CaitiieBuggs / 01/13/2013 at 2:22am / United States (Oregon) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, after hours of trying to put a screaming baby to sleep, she finally fell asleep in my arms. I was so happy. Then, I got the hiccups. FML

by hiccups / 01/13/2013 at 1:15am / United States (Connecticut) / Kids

Today, my husband suggested a way for us to "make some money" off our pregnancy. His great idea? Pregnancy porn. FML

by Anonymous / 01/13/2013 at 12:27am / Canada / Intimacy

Today, while giving my girlfriend a back-rub, she moaned and commented, "If only you could fuck this well." FML

by Anonymous / 01/12/2013 at 12:57pm / Norway (Rogaland) / Love

Today, my husband and I found the perfect house, in our price range and everything we wanted in a house. However, the street it's on is called "Arbour Butte Road". My husband refuses to buy it because he doesn't want it to sound like he lives "in a tree's ass." I'm married to an idiot. FML

by it's just a name / 01/10/2013 at 12:53am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, I caught my boyfriend wearing yoga pants and taking pictures of his butt to post on a "Girls in yoga pants" site. He saw my expression and said, "Nah, it's cool, I hid my junk so they'll think it's a chick!" FML

by Amy / 01/10/2013 at 12:09am / United States / Intimacy

Today, my son got his first tooth, and is enthusiastically biting everything. I breastfeed. FML

by loveyouson / 01/09/2013 at 1:48pm / Denmark (Hovedstaden) / Kids

Today, I walked in on my grandfather smiling at his penis. FML

by lovingthis / 01/09/2013 at 11:48am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I asked my mom what her biggest craving was when she was pregnant with me. Her answer: an abortion. FML

by kk / 01/09/2013 at 11:07am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my dad made a voodoo doll out of a melon. This seems to happen a lot. FML

by Anonymous / 01/09/2013 at 2:02am / Israel / Miscellaneous

Today, my daughter learned a new song. This would be great, except for the lisp her teacher has. I now have a child screaming about the "itchy bitchy spider" at the top of her lungs. FML

by ugh / 01/08/2013 at 8:01pm / United States (Michigan) / Kids

Today, I discovered after 11 months, my girlfriend is finally ready to have sex. I discovered this by walking in on her and one of my friends. FML

by finallyready / 01/08/2013 at 2:56pm / United Kingdom (Birmingham) / Love

Today, I tried to get my boyfriend to roll over while he was asleep. He snores loud enough to wake the neighbors and if he lays on his side he usually stops. Instead of rolling over, he stuck his leg in the air, farted twice, and laughed about it in his sleep. He's still snoring. FML

by no sleep for me / 01/08/2013 at 2:44am / Miscellaneous

Today, I saw Les Misérables. I was singing along to one of the songs when the guy next to me dumped his soda over my head and told me to shut up. FML

by maddiecat / 01/08/2013 at 12:34am / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous